update
mom is sick, sissy is normal i guess but i dont really talk to her so i dont know whats up, dad has black dots on his skin thats looks like a sign of skin cancer, his skin in red bc he is irish and has worked in the sun all his life, dad also quit his job today, this means neither my mother nor father are working, my mom sorta looks for jobs but can never find anything even at fastfood places and gas stations, we are hoping she gets this job at a gas station that will be opening soon across the street from where we live, my dad losing his job is a big deal because he has worked at every glass company in atlanta and quit all of them too, he has a reputation for being a good glazier but quits when he feels like it, he has been at this shop for about a year, before that he had to go to ft. lauderdale to work and said with my aunt, its going to be real hard for him to find a job up here, and i doubt he will go to florida bc its too hot in the summer and he doesnt' want to stay with my aunt like he did last time, me and fatima are not talking, probably will not talk for a long time if ever again, im not talking to her bc im trying to heal my heart bc i still love her and its hard being friends with someone you love and i wear my heart on my sleeve so when im upset its like whatever comes up comes out, she is not talking to me bc she is mad at me bc of the things that come up in the heat of the moment when im hurt, she doesnt want to be friends with me anymore, she has blocked my number from her phone, when she passes me at work she keeps her head down, i see her on the phone a lot and yesterday my friend came and told me how she was giggling on the phone and saying how she is off on sunday morning and can pick the person up, thats all my friend told me but im sure there is more but my friend doesn't want to hurt me, i was at work when i heard this and i really sucked bc for the rest of the day i couldnt stop thinking of her and what she was doing on sunday, this is why i can't talk to her right now, but she is the one who ended our friendship, i just cant wait until the days when i am over her, i dont know when she will ever be totally honest with me but one day i think she will realize what she does to me, but im trying not to think of that, im trying to not think of her at all, trying to ignore it all, but its really hard, the worst part is that when i go to bed, when i get off of work it is really late and when i get really depressed i cant call anyone bc of how late it is, it sucks that i always have to be the one that hurts, fatima gets to forget about mean move on the the next guy so easily, why am i stuck with this heartache, maybe bc she really didn't love me, she didnt' even care that much for me, she didnt have her emotions invested in the relationship, or she pulled them out a long time ago, i want to stab my heart out