The theory of san.
There is a theory that to all people there are 3 sides or 3 forces. 2 opposing forces and one that binds them.
-In my last post you saw one side of me.
-in this you will see another.
-what I show you here are the opposing forces. only the closest of my friends have seen the 3rd side.
I'd just like to reveal a certain number of events that have occurred recently that really put things into perspective for me.
this, like my last post, has to do with people.
Some of you will read my words and leave uninspired. some of you will hear what i'm talking about and leave in contemplation.
redgardless of the outcome i ask that all comments on this post be directed to my screen name while i am present at my computer instead of here.
for any that dont know it: xZenandtheart
moving on.
2 days ago I walked into hollywood video while jordan was working to rent unleashed and kingdom of heaven. as some of you know i have a good sense of peoples emotions and their thoughts. I tell you this in all seriousness, I could damn near hear her cursing thoughts as i walked in the room, even louder still when i was checking out my movies with the other girl and getting along with her.
some people live their lives so guarded they develop a hatred for all those who are not afraid to be themselves.
Last night Ellie IMed me. She hadn't spoken to me since her last words the day i last saw her "I don't want to be friends anymore." and she did not do this to apologize. To the best of my knowledge she did this for no reason at all.
Robin just last night made comment as to how I was infinitely worse to her than she ever was to me. but instead of saying it that way she choose to say it like this "thats because i was 483979837 times better to you than you were to me." these are similar statements, I'm sure you noticed. but do you understand why they are different? or why what she said says something about her?
2 nights ago while i was playin halo with some friends i was txting trista back n forth so when my phone rang i assumed it was her. when i later checked it was X-stina calling me. she left a message. "hey its christina, just calling to say hi and see what your up too. i dunno i just wanted to catch up i guess. give me a call back. bye."
I swear on my life there were several times i said "I dont want to be friends with you anymore." and she confirmed the same feelings. so what the fuck? i didn't do anything to provoke this. this is a repeating situation, i tell her to go away and she says "ok" then when i dont make any contact or write abotu how i miss her in here she calls.
So whats my point?
Well i thought about these people, then i thought about my friends.
the people I would give my life for without hesitation because I believe they are on this earth with the amazing potential to do unbelievable things.
The people I'd do anything for are the ones I call friends.
A girl who I loved with no personal agenda is a pathological liar, she has manifested a pattern of compulsive lies and she lives in them.
it is from within these lies and bullshit morals that she berates another of the girls on this list for dressing a certian way.
she believes she is better than some people because of her social conduct.
Robin may dress provocatively but at least she doesn't go around acting like she is blessed with devine judgement.
You, Ellie Brewer, have some serious ego issues.
A girl I spent years of my life devoted to refuses to acknowledge how nice a person I really am. I am far from perfect;
I am also far from ever trying to depict a picture of myself as the victim. I'm first to admit my mistakes when it comes to how i treated you at times but I would die sooner than confirm your accusations against me. All I can say is I'm glad I don't live with the things on my conscience that i would have to if i were you.
The girl I found under her appearance and her social life that I confessed my immediate weakness to went and tore that exact wound wide open and pour sulfer inside. and then....she walked away with a smile and a laugh.
only to come back and try to be my friend in the end. the art of deception is something i am far to knowledgeable about to fall for your childish antics. You had something wonderful with me and you threw it away. I believe people determine their fate and you threw me away, that defines us.
So what are you getting at?
None of you are the type of people I wish to associate with because no matter how I try I cannot make you smile as i once did.
For that I am sorry.
For this I am not; We will no longer have disscussions.Period.
I wish you all the best in whatever it is you do and I leave you with this;
Anything you want in life is obtainable through the use of your heart, your entire heart.
goodbye.
<3t
"Never fear what has yet to be."
-In my last post you saw one side of me.
-in this you will see another.
-what I show you here are the opposing forces. only the closest of my friends have seen the 3rd side.
I'd just like to reveal a certain number of events that have occurred recently that really put things into perspective for me.
this, like my last post, has to do with people.
Some of you will read my words and leave uninspired. some of you will hear what i'm talking about and leave in contemplation.
redgardless of the outcome i ask that all comments on this post be directed to my screen name while i am present at my computer instead of here.
for any that dont know it: xZenandtheart
moving on.
2 days ago I walked into hollywood video while jordan was working to rent unleashed and kingdom of heaven. as some of you know i have a good sense of peoples emotions and their thoughts. I tell you this in all seriousness, I could damn near hear her cursing thoughts as i walked in the room, even louder still when i was checking out my movies with the other girl and getting along with her.
some people live their lives so guarded they develop a hatred for all those who are not afraid to be themselves.
Last night Ellie IMed me. She hadn't spoken to me since her last words the day i last saw her "I don't want to be friends anymore." and she did not do this to apologize. To the best of my knowledge she did this for no reason at all.
Robin just last night made comment as to how I was infinitely worse to her than she ever was to me. but instead of saying it that way she choose to say it like this "thats because i was 483979837 times better to you than you were to me." these are similar statements, I'm sure you noticed. but do you understand why they are different? or why what she said says something about her?
2 nights ago while i was playin halo with some friends i was txting trista back n forth so when my phone rang i assumed it was her. when i later checked it was X-stina calling me. she left a message. "hey its christina, just calling to say hi and see what your up too. i dunno i just wanted to catch up i guess. give me a call back. bye."
I swear on my life there were several times i said "I dont want to be friends with you anymore." and she confirmed the same feelings. so what the fuck? i didn't do anything to provoke this. this is a repeating situation, i tell her to go away and she says "ok" then when i dont make any contact or write abotu how i miss her in here she calls.
So whats my point?
Well i thought about these people, then i thought about my friends.
the people I would give my life for without hesitation because I believe they are on this earth with the amazing potential to do unbelievable things.
The people I'd do anything for are the ones I call friends.
A girl who I loved with no personal agenda is a pathological liar, she has manifested a pattern of compulsive lies and she lives in them.
it is from within these lies and bullshit morals that she berates another of the girls on this list for dressing a certian way.
she believes she is better than some people because of her social conduct.
Robin may dress provocatively but at least she doesn't go around acting like she is blessed with devine judgement.
You, Ellie Brewer, have some serious ego issues.
A girl I spent years of my life devoted to refuses to acknowledge how nice a person I really am. I am far from perfect;
I am also far from ever trying to depict a picture of myself as the victim. I'm first to admit my mistakes when it comes to how i treated you at times but I would die sooner than confirm your accusations against me. All I can say is I'm glad I don't live with the things on my conscience that i would have to if i were you.
The girl I found under her appearance and her social life that I confessed my immediate weakness to went and tore that exact wound wide open and pour sulfer inside. and then....she walked away with a smile and a laugh.
only to come back and try to be my friend in the end. the art of deception is something i am far to knowledgeable about to fall for your childish antics. You had something wonderful with me and you threw it away. I believe people determine their fate and you threw me away, that defines us.
So what are you getting at?
None of you are the type of people I wish to associate with because no matter how I try I cannot make you smile as i once did.
For that I am sorry.
For this I am not; We will no longer have disscussions.Period.
I wish you all the best in whatever it is you do and I leave you with this;
Anything you want in life is obtainable through the use of your heart, your entire heart.
goodbye.
<3t
"Never fear what has yet to be."