I'm Not That Girl
Title: I'm Not That Girl
Author: lennoxave
Song Inspiration: "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked
Characters: Mercedes, Tina, mentions of others
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,310
Spoilers: Through 2.01, "Audition"
Summary: Mercedes gets a call from Tina at Asian camp about the Mike Chang situation. Given her own crush on Mike Chang, the call does not make her happy.
Author's Note: Written for the gleejukebox challenge.
I'm Not That Girl
Mercedes thinks it’s weird when she checks her phone and sees that she has a voice mail from Tina. Tina’s been at Asian Camp (or whatever it’s actually called, but that’s what they’ve been calling it amongst themselves), and the counselors don’t really have a lot of free time to talk. She’s mostly gotten texts from her friend, little anecdotes about crazy kids or annoying supervisors or how fun it is to actually lead a musical group for once (and boy, does Mercedes feel her on that one) or occasionally how much Artie is sucking as a boyfriend. So it’s weird that Tina actually called her at 7:50 p.m., a call she didn’t get because she was at the movies with her brother. Once she gets home, and Marcus has segued out of brotherly-bonding time and into X-box-domination time, Mercedes checks her messages.
"Ohmygod, Mercedes. I don’t even . . ." She hears Tina’s voice in what sounds like a flat-out panic, and she’s immediately concerned. "I can’t even believe I let this happen. I can’t . . . I just kissed Mike Chang. In front of a bunch of little kids. Mercedes, I just kissed Mike Friggin’ Chang, and I have a boyfriend and I don’t even . . . look, can you just call me back as soon as possible? Please? I am freaking the hell out and I have no idea what to do. Thanks. Bye."
Mercedes sits on her bed, stunned. She’s not surprised that Tina would go for Mike Chang. Actually, it’s the fact that she knows all too well what would attract a girl to Mike Chang that’s making her feel numb.
She can’t remember exactly when her crush on Mike started. She really only first noticed him during the boys’ performance during the Vitamin D incident, but she that wasn’t really when her squishy feelings first started. Sure, she had noticed how attractive he was, and how damn well he moved, but . . . yeah, that probably was when her crush had started, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t a deep crush yet. No, that took another six months or so of watching him, of seeing not only how spectacular his dancing was, but also how kind he was to Brittany, how he would defend Quinn against some of the more colorful taunts the McKinley jock set would throw at her for having the audacity to show up to school while pregnant, how he never looked at Kurt with the same level of discomfort that all the other male athletes in glee did. All of that, coupled with his body and dance skills? How could a girl not fall for him?
And his dancing was a big part of why Mercedes was crushing on him so hard. Even when she was with Puck, she was never really interested, because she knew that he wasn’t . . . extraordinary. Mercedes Jones could not settle for less than superlative. That was probably a lot of what had attracted her to Kurt in the first place. He was special, and while she had let herself ignore some of what made him quite so unique . . . he was also talented. So incredibly talented, and talent was perhaps the number one thing Mercedes looked for in a man. And Mike had talent in spades. The fact that he was such a stand-up guy on top of that? Was just icing on the cake.
Of course, no one knew that she had a crush on Mike. Kurt was her best friend, but ever since the weirdness of her sort-of-crush on him, they never really discussed boys. Sure, she could tell that he had a thing for Finn, and maybe her crush on Mike was just as obvious to him, but they never called each other out. They talked about movies, music, fashion, celebrities, almost everything under the sun, but they had never really figured out how to broach the subject of emotions beyond a this-celeb-is-hot or do-you-think-this-guy-is-gay level. Talking about guys with Quinn was an even more fraught endeavor. Quinn had been very steadfastly insisting that she did not need a man for roughly the entire time Mercedes had been friends with her, and it would have seemed weird to discuss crushes with her pregnant, man-hating friend. And her conversations about the subject with Tina were (thankfully, she thinks now) usually confined to how well or badly Artie was treating her at any given time.
Mercedes hadn’t really wanted to talk about her feelings for Mike, she thinks, sitting on her bed and staring at her phone, because of how unlikely a couple they would make. Puck had been a fluke, and a fake relationship at that, and it wasn’t like she was even on the Cheerios anymore. There was no way Mike, who was cool enough that he got along with everybody, would ever date her. But she had never thought he’d go for another outcast girl like Tina, either.
Mercedes sits on her bed, and her heart just hurts. Because she doesn’t know what could’ve been, if she’d taken the initiative earlier. Although she thinks about Tina, thin gorgeous Asian Tina, and doubts it would have mattered. She doesn’t want to call her back, she really doesn’t want to, but Tina’s her friend. It took a long time for her to actually make friends, and damn it if she isn’t going to be supportive regardless of her own feelings. It’s not like it’s Tina’s fault, anyway. So she scrolls through her phonebook and hits the call button.
"Oh, thank God," Tina says when she answers.
"Sorry, I was at the movies with my brother. What happened, girl?" Mercedes asks, consciously steadying her tone and trying to inject a level of curiosity and care that she doesn’t really feel into her question.
"I don’t even know! One minute he was dancing, and the next . . ." Tina relates the story to her friend.
"And what about Artie?" Mercedes makes an extra effort not to sound unkind.
"I haven’t talked to him in forever. Some B.S. about a Halo Tournament. Mike? Mike is sweet and nice and attentive. And Artie . . . isn’t, at least not often, but he’s my boyfriend. What do I do, Mercedes?"
Mercedes takes a deep breath and thinks about how she wants to answer that question. How she wants to tell Tina to forget the whole thing ever happened, to go back to Artie because that’s the right thing to do, and let Mike Chang be comforted by an awesome soul-singin’ diva. But she doesn’t do that.
"Sweetie," she says, "I love you and Artie, but if white boy’s not being a good boyfriend, he’s not being a good boyfriend. If Mike’s better at it, and he’s interested, then go for it, and dump Artie as soon as his damn Halo tournament is finished."
The change in mood on the other end of the phone is obvious. "Thank you, Mercedes. I just needed outside perspective. I felt so horrible because it was basically cheating on Artie . . ."
"Dude cheated on you with his X-box first," Mercedes says, forcing a laugh. "You’ve got nothing to feel bad about."
"Thank you," Tina says again. "I have to go get the campers to go to bed, but . . . thank you so much. You’re a great friend."
"No problem," Mercedes says, although she’s dying a little on the inside. "I’ll see you when school starts, all right?"
"All right. Bye."
"Bye."
Mercedes hangs up the phone. She pulls out her i-Pod and scrolls through the musicals Kurt insisted she download. She finds the song under Wicked, and although the lyrics aren’t quite right, she takes a small bit of comfort when she hears Idina Menzel singing, "I’m not that girl."
Author: lennoxave
Song Inspiration: "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked
Characters: Mercedes, Tina, mentions of others
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,310
Spoilers: Through 2.01, "Audition"
Summary: Mercedes gets a call from Tina at Asian camp about the Mike Chang situation. Given her own crush on Mike Chang, the call does not make her happy.
Author's Note: Written for the gleejukebox challenge.
I'm Not That Girl
Mercedes thinks it’s weird when she checks her phone and sees that she has a voice mail from Tina. Tina’s been at Asian Camp (or whatever it’s actually called, but that’s what they’ve been calling it amongst themselves), and the counselors don’t really have a lot of free time to talk. She’s mostly gotten texts from her friend, little anecdotes about crazy kids or annoying supervisors or how fun it is to actually lead a musical group for once (and boy, does Mercedes feel her on that one) or occasionally how much Artie is sucking as a boyfriend. So it’s weird that Tina actually called her at 7:50 p.m., a call she didn’t get because she was at the movies with her brother. Once she gets home, and Marcus has segued out of brotherly-bonding time and into X-box-domination time, Mercedes checks her messages.
"Ohmygod, Mercedes. I don’t even . . ." She hears Tina’s voice in what sounds like a flat-out panic, and she’s immediately concerned. "I can’t even believe I let this happen. I can’t . . . I just kissed Mike Chang. In front of a bunch of little kids. Mercedes, I just kissed Mike Friggin’ Chang, and I have a boyfriend and I don’t even . . . look, can you just call me back as soon as possible? Please? I am freaking the hell out and I have no idea what to do. Thanks. Bye."
Mercedes sits on her bed, stunned. She’s not surprised that Tina would go for Mike Chang. Actually, it’s the fact that she knows all too well what would attract a girl to Mike Chang that’s making her feel numb.
She can’t remember exactly when her crush on Mike started. She really only first noticed him during the boys’ performance during the Vitamin D incident, but she that wasn’t really when her squishy feelings first started. Sure, she had noticed how attractive he was, and how damn well he moved, but . . . yeah, that probably was when her crush had started, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t a deep crush yet. No, that took another six months or so of watching him, of seeing not only how spectacular his dancing was, but also how kind he was to Brittany, how he would defend Quinn against some of the more colorful taunts the McKinley jock set would throw at her for having the audacity to show up to school while pregnant, how he never looked at Kurt with the same level of discomfort that all the other male athletes in glee did. All of that, coupled with his body and dance skills? How could a girl not fall for him?
And his dancing was a big part of why Mercedes was crushing on him so hard. Even when she was with Puck, she was never really interested, because she knew that he wasn’t . . . extraordinary. Mercedes Jones could not settle for less than superlative. That was probably a lot of what had attracted her to Kurt in the first place. He was special, and while she had let herself ignore some of what made him quite so unique . . . he was also talented. So incredibly talented, and talent was perhaps the number one thing Mercedes looked for in a man. And Mike had talent in spades. The fact that he was such a stand-up guy on top of that? Was just icing on the cake.
Of course, no one knew that she had a crush on Mike. Kurt was her best friend, but ever since the weirdness of her sort-of-crush on him, they never really discussed boys. Sure, she could tell that he had a thing for Finn, and maybe her crush on Mike was just as obvious to him, but they never called each other out. They talked about movies, music, fashion, celebrities, almost everything under the sun, but they had never really figured out how to broach the subject of emotions beyond a this-celeb-is-hot or do-you-think-this-guy-is-gay level. Talking about guys with Quinn was an even more fraught endeavor. Quinn had been very steadfastly insisting that she did not need a man for roughly the entire time Mercedes had been friends with her, and it would have seemed weird to discuss crushes with her pregnant, man-hating friend. And her conversations about the subject with Tina were (thankfully, she thinks now) usually confined to how well or badly Artie was treating her at any given time.
Mercedes hadn’t really wanted to talk about her feelings for Mike, she thinks, sitting on her bed and staring at her phone, because of how unlikely a couple they would make. Puck had been a fluke, and a fake relationship at that, and it wasn’t like she was even on the Cheerios anymore. There was no way Mike, who was cool enough that he got along with everybody, would ever date her. But she had never thought he’d go for another outcast girl like Tina, either.
Mercedes sits on her bed, and her heart just hurts. Because she doesn’t know what could’ve been, if she’d taken the initiative earlier. Although she thinks about Tina, thin gorgeous Asian Tina, and doubts it would have mattered. She doesn’t want to call her back, she really doesn’t want to, but Tina’s her friend. It took a long time for her to actually make friends, and damn it if she isn’t going to be supportive regardless of her own feelings. It’s not like it’s Tina’s fault, anyway. So she scrolls through her phonebook and hits the call button.
"Oh, thank God," Tina says when she answers.
"Sorry, I was at the movies with my brother. What happened, girl?" Mercedes asks, consciously steadying her tone and trying to inject a level of curiosity and care that she doesn’t really feel into her question.
"I don’t even know! One minute he was dancing, and the next . . ." Tina relates the story to her friend.
"And what about Artie?" Mercedes makes an extra effort not to sound unkind.
"I haven’t talked to him in forever. Some B.S. about a Halo Tournament. Mike? Mike is sweet and nice and attentive. And Artie . . . isn’t, at least not often, but he’s my boyfriend. What do I do, Mercedes?"
Mercedes takes a deep breath and thinks about how she wants to answer that question. How she wants to tell Tina to forget the whole thing ever happened, to go back to Artie because that’s the right thing to do, and let Mike Chang be comforted by an awesome soul-singin’ diva. But she doesn’t do that.
"Sweetie," she says, "I love you and Artie, but if white boy’s not being a good boyfriend, he’s not being a good boyfriend. If Mike’s better at it, and he’s interested, then go for it, and dump Artie as soon as his damn Halo tournament is finished."
The change in mood on the other end of the phone is obvious. "Thank you, Mercedes. I just needed outside perspective. I felt so horrible because it was basically cheating on Artie . . ."
"Dude cheated on you with his X-box first," Mercedes says, forcing a laugh. "You’ve got nothing to feel bad about."
"Thank you," Tina says again. "I have to go get the campers to go to bed, but . . . thank you so much. You’re a great friend."
"No problem," Mercedes says, although she’s dying a little on the inside. "I’ll see you when school starts, all right?"
"All right. Bye."
"Bye."
Mercedes hangs up the phone. She pulls out her i-Pod and scrolls through the musicals Kurt insisted she download. She finds the song under Wicked, and although the lyrics aren’t quite right, she takes a small bit of comfort when she hears Idina Menzel singing, "I’m not that girl."