I have fallen hard.
I can't let my jealousy get in the way.
I can't let my jealousy get in the way.
I can't let my jealousy get in the way.
Still trying to figure out what is wrong with me after all these years...
Tonight I went out to dinner with Zach and Brittany.
Zach made a comment that his ex wrote him a myspace message.
It was supposedly about me and how she was happy for him...
Barf.
It still irked me. Boo. What is wrong with me.
I cannot get into jealous mode.
I do not want to be anywhere near the person I used to be.
The person who was so jealous of her ex,
which made him do things that I should have been jealous of.
I know I had plenty of reason to think this way in the past,
and I'm sure there is no reason to think anything like this now..
So stop it dammit. Don't ruin a good thing.
It's so hard to give myself in whole to another person.
And I so want to this time.
Making love to him is so wonderful.
And though he tells me that he is in love with me.
I still struggle with saying it back.. and not because I wouldn't mean it..
because I would. I want to say I love you every day to him. I'm just terrified.
I even wonder who other girls on his myspace are.. who he talks to and I can't see their pages. I feel like I know so little about him.. ugh. Again... what is wrong with me?
I know all the good stuff is to come, I know he will reveal himself when he is ready, and I know that time tells all. I just feel so very different this time.. and I know if I get hurt, it's not going to be pretty.
I gave him the Emily Martin print tonight called "As long as I have you"
He loved it. I love it too.
I was laying naked on his bed and not even paying attention that he was looking at me.
He said I was beautiful.
Embarrassed.. I covered myself up with my arms.
I have so much more to learn.
I can't let my jealousy get in the way.
I can't let my jealousy get in the way.
Still trying to figure out what is wrong with me after all these years...
Tonight I went out to dinner with Zach and Brittany.
Zach made a comment that his ex wrote him a myspace message.
It was supposedly about me and how she was happy for him...
Barf.
It still irked me. Boo. What is wrong with me.
I cannot get into jealous mode.
I do not want to be anywhere near the person I used to be.
The person who was so jealous of her ex,
which made him do things that I should have been jealous of.
I know I had plenty of reason to think this way in the past,
and I'm sure there is no reason to think anything like this now..
So stop it dammit. Don't ruin a good thing.
It's so hard to give myself in whole to another person.
And I so want to this time.
Making love to him is so wonderful.
And though he tells me that he is in love with me.
I still struggle with saying it back.. and not because I wouldn't mean it..
because I would. I want to say I love you every day to him. I'm just terrified.
I even wonder who other girls on his myspace are.. who he talks to and I can't see their pages. I feel like I know so little about him.. ugh. Again... what is wrong with me?
I know all the good stuff is to come, I know he will reveal himself when he is ready, and I know that time tells all. I just feel so very different this time.. and I know if I get hurt, it's not going to be pretty.
I gave him the Emily Martin print tonight called "As long as I have you"
He loved it. I love it too.
I was laying naked on his bed and not even paying attention that he was looking at me.
He said I was beautiful.
Embarrassed.. I covered myself up with my arms.
I have so much more to learn.