i guess i'll be updating more often now, haha
to express my rants and to stop from crying.
so, we decided on a cooling period. because i decided its not fair to me, since it was such a sudden move.
i know that.. in the first place i drove him into that painful corner. i can't expect anything less than to want to kick me in the face. but it hurts when someone doesn't want you anymore.
so i have about 25 days to ponder over what i want.
of course, when we meet again we'll decide once and for all whether we should take another shot at spending our lives together.
we have to make a unanimous decision, either to stay or go.
if i decide yes and he decides yes, if i decide i want him in my life.. then its do or die, this is it, it means we have to be serious and really work toward a marriage.
if i decide yes and he decides no.. well then further heartbreak and confusion.
if i decide no and he decides no, i want to move on, we can't settle our differences, i'll still be heartbroken because life will never be the same. i'll feel hurt and betrayed that someone who said he'd love me forever has broken that promise.
if i decide no and he decides yes, then i'll end up hurting him and me. and i'll be even more confused, and have to make a decision on that spur of the moment.
what i really want is a mix of no and yes. i dont want to immediately make commitments. i want to just spend time with my ex, the time that i threw away when i neglected him for close to a year. of course you regret and only treasure something when you've lost it. i know. but i dont know if he wants that kind of arrangement. maybe he's looking for a life partner with this decision. i just want to bask in his love. the love he continued to give, in his own unique way, but which i took for granted, and neglected because i was unsure of our relationship.
but then it'll also never be the same even if we did get back together.
i deserve better, i know. since he's dumped me, twice. this is the second time he's suddenly dropped a bomb on me.
when i play the sims, i control the characters and everything they do.
i guess i wanted to control him. his decisions, his life, mine, our futures.
of course compromises must be made if we got back together.
painful compromises.
but before the compromises must come the decision. from the both of us. whether or not we both want to continue this relationship.
what i can garner from my mess of thoughts right now.. is that i just want to spend time with him. no strings attached, yet. before we decide whether we are life partners. knowing him, my guess is that perhaps he'll want the polar opposite - deciding we are life partners before continuing.. or the other extreme - just moving on, completely.
either way, this is going to be an easy decision. the days to come are fraught with shit.
This has been a healthy talk. Thanks, LJ.
so, we decided on a cooling period. because i decided its not fair to me, since it was such a sudden move.
i know that.. in the first place i drove him into that painful corner. i can't expect anything less than to want to kick me in the face. but it hurts when someone doesn't want you anymore.
so i have about 25 days to ponder over what i want.
of course, when we meet again we'll decide once and for all whether we should take another shot at spending our lives together.
we have to make a unanimous decision, either to stay or go.
if i decide yes and he decides yes, if i decide i want him in my life.. then its do or die, this is it, it means we have to be serious and really work toward a marriage.
if i decide yes and he decides no.. well then further heartbreak and confusion.
if i decide no and he decides no, i want to move on, we can't settle our differences, i'll still be heartbroken because life will never be the same. i'll feel hurt and betrayed that someone who said he'd love me forever has broken that promise.
if i decide no and he decides yes, then i'll end up hurting him and me. and i'll be even more confused, and have to make a decision on that spur of the moment.
what i really want is a mix of no and yes. i dont want to immediately make commitments. i want to just spend time with my ex, the time that i threw away when i neglected him for close to a year. of course you regret and only treasure something when you've lost it. i know. but i dont know if he wants that kind of arrangement. maybe he's looking for a life partner with this decision. i just want to bask in his love. the love he continued to give, in his own unique way, but which i took for granted, and neglected because i was unsure of our relationship.
but then it'll also never be the same even if we did get back together.
i deserve better, i know. since he's dumped me, twice. this is the second time he's suddenly dropped a bomb on me.
when i play the sims, i control the characters and everything they do.
i guess i wanted to control him. his decisions, his life, mine, our futures.
of course compromises must be made if we got back together.
painful compromises.
but before the compromises must come the decision. from the both of us. whether or not we both want to continue this relationship.
what i can garner from my mess of thoughts right now.. is that i just want to spend time with him. no strings attached, yet. before we decide whether we are life partners. knowing him, my guess is that perhaps he'll want the polar opposite - deciding we are life partners before continuing.. or the other extreme - just moving on, completely.
either way, this is going to be an easy decision. the days to come are fraught with shit.
This has been a healthy talk. Thanks, LJ.