The Right to Love - Part 17
Title: The Right to Love
Spoilers: Takes place after ep 101 (8x09) after Pepa and Silvia have become engaged. This is a sequel to my previous PepSi fanfic, In Love’s Defense. My fic follows LHDP up to ep 101 but departs from the show at that point - ep 104 never has and never will exist in this version of Pepa and Silvia’s world.
Rating: R for a lot of angst and a little nookie
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Summary: As Pepa and Silvia deal with the aftermath of their encounter with El Gordo, a new case comes forward that challenges their rights as well as their lives.
A/N/Disclaimer: The characters of LHDP aren’t mine. Yay, our pelirroja is finally back! The reason why I posted this chapter relatively quickly is because I wrote it several months ago. Be warned, there’s still some angst, lots of h/c, and a little sexy time. And a note - originally Parts 17 and 18 were supposed to be posted as one chapter, but LJ is saying my file is too big. Argh! Well, read on...
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16]
Silvia exhaled deeply before surreptitiously cracking an eyelid open. Pale, waning light shone through the window of the hospital room. The inspector sensed it was late afternoon, but it was hard to tell. Another fierce rainstorm was pounding incessantly outside, the low grey skies completely blotting out the sun. Truthfully, Silvia didn’t mind - any view was appreciated, given what she had been through. She knew she was safe and with the people she loved, and that was what mattered most.
Her left hand twitched as she made a hesitant fist, feeling her skin tighten around the tape that held her IV in place. Every limb seemed to exude an aching, disorienting heaviness - a fatigue that simmered at a constant low burn that would spike in a sore back muscle or a headache. Silvia tested her lungs, tentatively trying to inhale to expand them fully, disappointed when she still felt slightly dizzy and weak at the attempt. She felt like she’d died and come back from the dead, not once, but several times.
A soft snore made Silvia turn her head to the right, knowing that Pepa was in her usual spot. She quietly observed her sleeping wife, who was sprawled back on a lounge chair at the bedside, a weathered fashion magazine splayed out on her chest. Silvia smiled, her discomfort temporarily forgotten, happy to see that Pepa was finally resting. From what her father had told her, the agent had been in an uptight, hyper vigilant mode for days. The lurid bruises on Pepa’s throat and ribs had mostly faded, and the throbbing headache from the gash in her head had ceased. But Silvia was well aware of how much her wife’s physical and emotional resources had been taxed beyond their limits.
The inspector licked her dry lips, irritated at the plastic tubing of the oxygen feed that that she could feel across her cheeks. Thirsty. Her eyes tracked to the pink plastic cup of ice water that Pepa always kept full for her on the nightstand. Pursing her lips in concentration, she reached a shaky hand out and managed to graze the edge of the cup, as Pepa’s whole body jerked in reflex as she awoke.
“Wait, wait! Here, cariño. Let me help you with that.” Long fingers reached out to take the plastic container, as she retrieved and unwrapped a straw with her other hand.
“Lo siento. I was trying not to wake you.” Silvia felt the mattress shift as Pepa carefully sat next to her. Her wife helped her to sit up by gently supporting her shoulders before bringing the straw to her lips. She thirstily took long droughts of the refreshing liquid before turning her head slightly, indicating that she was finished. “Gracias.”
The agent yawned, turning to put the cup away before focusing back on her partner. “You can wake me any time, princesa. That’s what I’m here for.”
“And what about serving my other needs?” A red eyebrow rose slyly as Silvia’s fingers edged towards a denim-clad thigh.
Pepa laughed softly as her skin warmed through the thick material, her hormones brought to life by the mischievous touches. “Ooh, there’s nothing I would like better!”
“But -” With great restraint, she captured the meandering hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “I don’t think Dr. Gonzalez has cleared you for full blown sex yet.”
“Not even a tiny, little kiss?” Red eyelashes batted enticingly.
“Well, if you put it that way…” Pepa purred seductively as she leaned in for a sweet kiss, which sent happy shivers down her spine. “I think -” Another kiss. “We can keep doing this -”
“Less talking, more kissing!” Silvia moaned in her wife’s mouth as she once again claimed the wet lips opposite hers.
The inspector felt Pepa’s hands snake under her hospital gown and lightly graze her sides before gently cupping her breasts. A pleasurable heat spread through her body, wiping away most of the lingering soreness, as she retaliated by slipping her hands under Pepa’s shirt to massage her supple back and shoulder muscles. They began to rock against each other in a familiar rhythm as they continued to ravish each other, not even stopping until Silvia’s head began to buzz from the lack of oxygen.
“Dios!” The redhead gasped from equal parts amazement and breathlessness, as she held Pepa’s concerned gaze.
“Lo siento, pelirroja.” The brunette apologized as she cupped her wife’s face in her hands, registering her slightly stunned look. “I shouldn’t have worn you out.”
“No, no, it’s okay.” Silvia hastened to reassure her. She wriggled her hands out from underneath Pepa’s shirt to wrap her arms tightly around the tall frame, burying her face in her wife’s chest, relishing in the contact. “That was just what I needed.”
The agent inhaled the scent of the red strands, her libido fading in favor of a contentment and whole-hearted relief, as she held her spouse as tightly as she could.
“I missed you so much, mi Silvia!” Pepa cried softly, her voice muffled against the fiery mane. She swallowed, trying to keep her tears at bay.
“I know.” Came the answer in a sure, unfaltering voice. “I could see, could feel your pain when I was under. I don’t remember anything after I got sick, but I’d never forget you. Or that I married you right before I lost consciousness.”
“Gracias a dios!” Pepa breathed as she moved to once again cradle Silvia’s cheek in her palm.
The tall woman smiled as she felt small fingertips wiping her tears away. The wretched knot of fear that had sat in her stomach and had tormented her for the past week had at last begun to subside. Her wife was going to be all right. Silvia had slept most of the day after waking up and had still been lethargic and somewhat confused. Dr. Gonzalez had been pleased with her prognosis and allowed the removal of most of the tubes and bothersome catheter, much to Silvia’s relief. But most importantly to Pepa, her partner’s memory was miraculously still intact. She knew who her family was. And she had not forgotten her wife, above all.
Pepa leaned forward, pressing another kiss on the redhead’s lips. “Estás bien? What else can I get you?”
Silvia took a breath and frowned, steeling herself for the protest she knew was about to come. “How about you get me out of here?”
“Silvia…” Pepa drew out her wife’s name, in a grumbled warning tone. She felt the mood change instantly, as Silvia brought up the topic she’d been hoping to avoid. The agent had been expecting this argument, but not so soon.
“Pepa, all I’m going to do is lie here.” Her voice took on a plaintive edge. “Por favor, I want to go home and sleep in our bed.”
“Cariño, you’re still regaining your strength. You can barely get out of bed, and that’s with my help!” The agent stroked a pale brow, trying to soothe the inspector’s objections. “Dr. Gonzalez will clear you to leave but that’s going to take a while. He’s ordered more tests -”
“Which I can pass just fine!” Silvia’s voice rose in volume, despite the soreness in her throat she felt from the days she’d had the tracheotomy tube inserted in her mouth. Irritated, she ticked the points off on her fingers. “I’ve got no slurred speech, no long term memory loss, and sensation in all my limbs. My latest EEG and CT scan revealed that my brain functions are optimal. Any remaining weakness I feel now can be remedied with a few weeks of physical therapy and recovery at home.”
“Silvia! For fuck’s sake, you just came out of a coma yesterday!” Pepa bit her words off angrily, trying to calm her rising temper. “You were poisoned with an unknown, genetically engineered form of cyanide. Dr. Gonzalez says he doesn’t know if you will have any lingering side effects. Your heart stopped, you stopped breathing and you had to be resuscitated.”
“I know all that Pepa!” Silvia snapped, trying not to let her exhaustion show. “I just -” She stopped, feeling ashamed and childish as her gaze dropped to the bed.
“I don’t want to be here." A small voice admitted.
Pepa let out a long sigh through her nostrils, feeling her frustration bleed away. “Princesa, I know you’re exhausted and that it can be incredibly boring in here. Not to mention being poked and prodded, especially when you have more medical knowledge than all the staff put together.” She smiled as her wife rolled her eyes in exaggerated agreement.
“But tell me what’s really wrong.” Her hand made gentle patterns against the skin of Silvia’s forearm before taking her wife’s fingers tightly in hers. “Por favor.”
Silvia felt the love and reassurance in the gesture, as she gathered her courage. “Honestly Pepa, I love it when you take care of me. Even when you’re being stubborn, pig-headed and an overprotective idiot.” She squeezed her wife’s hand to take the sting out of the words.
“You’re always so attentive and gentle, even with the smallest details.” She shifted her gaze from Pepa’s worried face to focus on a spot on the wall.
“I’m not a fan of being a patient in hospitals. You’d think it’d be the other way around with what I do for a living, but…” Another sigh and a deep frown. “Considering the last time I was in one…” Her voice sadly trailed off.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.” Pepa tried to keep the shaking out of her voice as she tried to comfort her wife. She tensed her gut, sensing that Silvia felt compelled to reveal something that had hurt her irrevocably. And she was terrified for both of them.
“You know, when I woke up from surgery after the gunshot wound, the first thing I saw was a female surgeon standing over me. I remember everything about her. Her dark hair, the turquoise of her scrub cap, her brown eyes.”
Warm tears had started to splash down her cheeks, but Silvia hardly noticed. “And she tells me, without any qualms or sympathy, that I’ve lost my baby…that they had to cut out my uterus, and remove sections of my liver and intestines. The surgeon said that it was a miracle I survived and that I should be grateful.”
Her voice had started to waver, but the words were also sharp, laced with bitterness. “She…she might as well have been reading a damn shopping list! She was so matter-of-fact and cold about the whole thing.”
Silvia’s gaze dropped to the bedspread, her fingers restlessly picking at a loose thread, her tone now a hollow whisper. “The doctor told me later that I started screaming, but to this day, I don’t remember. The nurses had to put me in restraints and sedate me, so I wouldn’t tear my stitches out.”
“Gonzalo and my family came to see me, of course. But there was so much time I was alone and in so much pain, in every possible way.” Wearily, the red head leaned back against the pillow, the tears trickling down her cheeks and into her ears.
“The nights were the worst. I couldn’t sleep because the incision hurt too much. And there was too much time to think, too much time to grieve about everything I’d lost. I even wondered if my life was too much to bear anymore.” A humorless half-smile appeared. “This is the first time I’ve even said that thought out loud, much less told anyone.”
“So, when I tell you Pepa…how much it means for me to have you here, I really do mean it -”
Silvia stopped abruptly, realizing that Pepa was squeezing her right hand so tightly, it ached. Her eyes shifted to her wife’s face, as her heart rate accelerated in panic. Pepa’s expression was a study in grief, her eyes red and swollen with tears that liberally coated her high cheekbones. Her free hand was clenched in a white-knuckled grip and stuffed against her mouth to contain the silent sobs that shook throughout her frame.
“Dios!” The inspector cried, feeling her words cut off as her wife took her in a fierce, crushing embrace. “I shouldn’t have said all this! I should have known how much it would upset you!”
“No…no, Silvia!” The brunette choked out through her repeated sobs, her fists convulsively .bunching the thin material of Silvia’s hospital gown. “I’m so ss…sorry you had to go through that alone!”
“Pepa -”
“NO!!” Pepa yelled, her self-loathing evident in her strained voice. “I should have been there for you, I -”
“You couldn’t have known, cariño.” Silvia took her wife’s head in her hands, forcing her to look into her earnest expression. “But let me finish...I felt your presence, even then. I knew you were watching out for me, as crazy as that sounds.”
“Qué?” The agent took a shaky breath, feeling her tears being thumbed away. “I don’t understand. That’s impossible, Silvia. I didn’t even know that you’d been hurt.”
“That night, when I was at my lowest, when I wanted to know if I had a reason to go on…would you believe that I had a dream about you?”
“You’re not just saying that?” A ghost of a watery smile appeared.
“No, I’m serious.” Silvia nodded, her eyes bright and sincere. “You were so gorgeous, mi amor…your smile and your words. You said you were there to help me through this. That we would meet again, someday.”
“After I got home and was recuperating, you were on my mind, constantly. I tried so many times to look up where you’d gone. To send you a letter, to get back in touch with you. But every time I tried, I just couldn’t form the words. I thought surely, you had forgotten me or moved on. That I was nothing more than the little pelirroja who followed you around when we were kids.”
“Never.” Pepa breathed. She bestowed tiny kisses on the palm that cradled her still wet cheek. “You don’t know how many times, how many nights I dreamed of you in Sevilla. How I loved you from afar. Even if it sounded crazy, I never gave up that dream. Of how I felt about you. How I wanted it so badly to be real.”
“When we met again that day in the shooting range, I thought -”
“This is the way it was meant to be. That we would have found each other, no matter what paths our lives had taken.”`
“Siempre. Soulmates.” The words tingled on Silvia’s tongue, as she breathed in her wife’s essence.
The minutes ticked by, unnoticed as the two continued to hold each other in silence.
“Hey…” Pepa murmured as she felt her wife let out a long sigh, her body visibly drained by the emotional toll the conversation had taken. “You need to get more rest, princesa.”
“Sí. I’ve been better.” Silvia admitted. She clung to her spouse with sudden ferocity as she felt herself being lowered back down to the mattress. “Lo siento, Pepa. I’m sorry I brought all of this up so suddenly.”
“Stop apologizing.” Gentle fingers once again caressed the soft waves of red hair. “It’s good we talked, no?”
“Sí.” A brief nod of agreement.
“I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t say something to me, vale? No matter what.” Pepa’s intense gaze searched her wife’s face, willing her to believe her words.
“Vale.” Silvia’s hand traced a line against Pepa’s collarbone, coming to rest against her chest.
“I know this is going to sound stupid. I know I’m supposed to be strong. To not let all this stuff bother me, but…” Silvia faltered as she swallowed. “Can you hold me until I fall asleep?”
Pepa smiled understandingly as her hands quickly soothed away a shudder she felt run down Silvia’s spine. “Claro. You can be vulnerable, you can scream, you can be angry. I don’t care. You don’t ever have to pretend with me, Silvia. You’re my wife.”
Silvia gave her spouse a shaky smile. “I love being your wife.”
“Yo también, cariño.”
Slowly, the agent stretched them both out on the length of the bed, feeling the smaller woman curl up against the protective curve of her body.
“Get some sleep, pelirroja.” Pepa whispered as she nuzzled the red waves. “You can dream about where you’d like to go on our honeymoon.”
Her words met deaf ears, as Pepa saw that her wife had already dozed off. With a bittersweet smile, she gave into her body’s demands, letting the waves of exhaustion claim them both.
___
Spoilers: Takes place after ep 101 (8x09) after Pepa and Silvia have become engaged. This is a sequel to my previous PepSi fanfic, In Love’s Defense. My fic follows LHDP up to ep 101 but departs from the show at that point - ep 104 never has and never will exist in this version of Pepa and Silvia’s world.
Rating: R for a lot of angst and a little nookie
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
Summary: As Pepa and Silvia deal with the aftermath of their encounter with El Gordo, a new case comes forward that challenges their rights as well as their lives.
A/N/Disclaimer: The characters of LHDP aren’t mine. Yay, our pelirroja is finally back! The reason why I posted this chapter relatively quickly is because I wrote it several months ago. Be warned, there’s still some angst, lots of h/c, and a little sexy time. And a note - originally Parts 17 and 18 were supposed to be posted as one chapter, but LJ is saying my file is too big. Argh! Well, read on...
[ Part 1] [ Part 2] [ Part 3] [ Part 4] [ Part 5] [ Part 6] [ Part 7] [ Part 8] [ Part 9] [ Part 10] [ Part 11] [ Part 12] [ Part 13] [ Part 14] [ Part 15] [ Part 16]
Silvia exhaled deeply before surreptitiously cracking an eyelid open. Pale, waning light shone through the window of the hospital room. The inspector sensed it was late afternoon, but it was hard to tell. Another fierce rainstorm was pounding incessantly outside, the low grey skies completely blotting out the sun. Truthfully, Silvia didn’t mind - any view was appreciated, given what she had been through. She knew she was safe and with the people she loved, and that was what mattered most.
Her left hand twitched as she made a hesitant fist, feeling her skin tighten around the tape that held her IV in place. Every limb seemed to exude an aching, disorienting heaviness - a fatigue that simmered at a constant low burn that would spike in a sore back muscle or a headache. Silvia tested her lungs, tentatively trying to inhale to expand them fully, disappointed when she still felt slightly dizzy and weak at the attempt. She felt like she’d died and come back from the dead, not once, but several times.
A soft snore made Silvia turn her head to the right, knowing that Pepa was in her usual spot. She quietly observed her sleeping wife, who was sprawled back on a lounge chair at the bedside, a weathered fashion magazine splayed out on her chest. Silvia smiled, her discomfort temporarily forgotten, happy to see that Pepa was finally resting. From what her father had told her, the agent had been in an uptight, hyper vigilant mode for days. The lurid bruises on Pepa’s throat and ribs had mostly faded, and the throbbing headache from the gash in her head had ceased. But Silvia was well aware of how much her wife’s physical and emotional resources had been taxed beyond their limits.
The inspector licked her dry lips, irritated at the plastic tubing of the oxygen feed that that she could feel across her cheeks. Thirsty. Her eyes tracked to the pink plastic cup of ice water that Pepa always kept full for her on the nightstand. Pursing her lips in concentration, she reached a shaky hand out and managed to graze the edge of the cup, as Pepa’s whole body jerked in reflex as she awoke.
“Wait, wait! Here, cariño. Let me help you with that.” Long fingers reached out to take the plastic container, as she retrieved and unwrapped a straw with her other hand.
“Lo siento. I was trying not to wake you.” Silvia felt the mattress shift as Pepa carefully sat next to her. Her wife helped her to sit up by gently supporting her shoulders before bringing the straw to her lips. She thirstily took long droughts of the refreshing liquid before turning her head slightly, indicating that she was finished. “Gracias.”
The agent yawned, turning to put the cup away before focusing back on her partner. “You can wake me any time, princesa. That’s what I’m here for.”
“And what about serving my other needs?” A red eyebrow rose slyly as Silvia’s fingers edged towards a denim-clad thigh.
Pepa laughed softly as her skin warmed through the thick material, her hormones brought to life by the mischievous touches. “Ooh, there’s nothing I would like better!”
“But -” With great restraint, she captured the meandering hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “I don’t think Dr. Gonzalez has cleared you for full blown sex yet.”
“Not even a tiny, little kiss?” Red eyelashes batted enticingly.
“Well, if you put it that way…” Pepa purred seductively as she leaned in for a sweet kiss, which sent happy shivers down her spine. “I think -” Another kiss. “We can keep doing this -”
“Less talking, more kissing!” Silvia moaned in her wife’s mouth as she once again claimed the wet lips opposite hers.
The inspector felt Pepa’s hands snake under her hospital gown and lightly graze her sides before gently cupping her breasts. A pleasurable heat spread through her body, wiping away most of the lingering soreness, as she retaliated by slipping her hands under Pepa’s shirt to massage her supple back and shoulder muscles. They began to rock against each other in a familiar rhythm as they continued to ravish each other, not even stopping until Silvia’s head began to buzz from the lack of oxygen.
“Dios!” The redhead gasped from equal parts amazement and breathlessness, as she held Pepa’s concerned gaze.
“Lo siento, pelirroja.” The brunette apologized as she cupped her wife’s face in her hands, registering her slightly stunned look. “I shouldn’t have worn you out.”
“No, no, it’s okay.” Silvia hastened to reassure her. She wriggled her hands out from underneath Pepa’s shirt to wrap her arms tightly around the tall frame, burying her face in her wife’s chest, relishing in the contact. “That was just what I needed.”
The agent inhaled the scent of the red strands, her libido fading in favor of a contentment and whole-hearted relief, as she held her spouse as tightly as she could.
“I missed you so much, mi Silvia!” Pepa cried softly, her voice muffled against the fiery mane. She swallowed, trying to keep her tears at bay.
“I know.” Came the answer in a sure, unfaltering voice. “I could see, could feel your pain when I was under. I don’t remember anything after I got sick, but I’d never forget you. Or that I married you right before I lost consciousness.”
“Gracias a dios!” Pepa breathed as she moved to once again cradle Silvia’s cheek in her palm.
The tall woman smiled as she felt small fingertips wiping her tears away. The wretched knot of fear that had sat in her stomach and had tormented her for the past week had at last begun to subside. Her wife was going to be all right. Silvia had slept most of the day after waking up and had still been lethargic and somewhat confused. Dr. Gonzalez had been pleased with her prognosis and allowed the removal of most of the tubes and bothersome catheter, much to Silvia’s relief. But most importantly to Pepa, her partner’s memory was miraculously still intact. She knew who her family was. And she had not forgotten her wife, above all.
Pepa leaned forward, pressing another kiss on the redhead’s lips. “Estás bien? What else can I get you?”
Silvia took a breath and frowned, steeling herself for the protest she knew was about to come. “How about you get me out of here?”
“Silvia…” Pepa drew out her wife’s name, in a grumbled warning tone. She felt the mood change instantly, as Silvia brought up the topic she’d been hoping to avoid. The agent had been expecting this argument, but not so soon.
“Pepa, all I’m going to do is lie here.” Her voice took on a plaintive edge. “Por favor, I want to go home and sleep in our bed.”
“Cariño, you’re still regaining your strength. You can barely get out of bed, and that’s with my help!” The agent stroked a pale brow, trying to soothe the inspector’s objections. “Dr. Gonzalez will clear you to leave but that’s going to take a while. He’s ordered more tests -”
“Which I can pass just fine!” Silvia’s voice rose in volume, despite the soreness in her throat she felt from the days she’d had the tracheotomy tube inserted in her mouth. Irritated, she ticked the points off on her fingers. “I’ve got no slurred speech, no long term memory loss, and sensation in all my limbs. My latest EEG and CT scan revealed that my brain functions are optimal. Any remaining weakness I feel now can be remedied with a few weeks of physical therapy and recovery at home.”
“Silvia! For fuck’s sake, you just came out of a coma yesterday!” Pepa bit her words off angrily, trying to calm her rising temper. “You were poisoned with an unknown, genetically engineered form of cyanide. Dr. Gonzalez says he doesn’t know if you will have any lingering side effects. Your heart stopped, you stopped breathing and you had to be resuscitated.”
“I know all that Pepa!” Silvia snapped, trying not to let her exhaustion show. “I just -” She stopped, feeling ashamed and childish as her gaze dropped to the bed.
“I don’t want to be here." A small voice admitted.
Pepa let out a long sigh through her nostrils, feeling her frustration bleed away. “Princesa, I know you’re exhausted and that it can be incredibly boring in here. Not to mention being poked and prodded, especially when you have more medical knowledge than all the staff put together.” She smiled as her wife rolled her eyes in exaggerated agreement.
“But tell me what’s really wrong.” Her hand made gentle patterns against the skin of Silvia’s forearm before taking her wife’s fingers tightly in hers. “Por favor.”
Silvia felt the love and reassurance in the gesture, as she gathered her courage. “Honestly Pepa, I love it when you take care of me. Even when you’re being stubborn, pig-headed and an overprotective idiot.” She squeezed her wife’s hand to take the sting out of the words.
“You’re always so attentive and gentle, even with the smallest details.” She shifted her gaze from Pepa’s worried face to focus on a spot on the wall.
“I’m not a fan of being a patient in hospitals. You’d think it’d be the other way around with what I do for a living, but…” Another sigh and a deep frown. “Considering the last time I was in one…” Her voice sadly trailed off.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.” Pepa tried to keep the shaking out of her voice as she tried to comfort her wife. She tensed her gut, sensing that Silvia felt compelled to reveal something that had hurt her irrevocably. And she was terrified for both of them.
“You know, when I woke up from surgery after the gunshot wound, the first thing I saw was a female surgeon standing over me. I remember everything about her. Her dark hair, the turquoise of her scrub cap, her brown eyes.”
Warm tears had started to splash down her cheeks, but Silvia hardly noticed. “And she tells me, without any qualms or sympathy, that I’ve lost my baby…that they had to cut out my uterus, and remove sections of my liver and intestines. The surgeon said that it was a miracle I survived and that I should be grateful.”
Her voice had started to waver, but the words were also sharp, laced with bitterness. “She…she might as well have been reading a damn shopping list! She was so matter-of-fact and cold about the whole thing.”
Silvia’s gaze dropped to the bedspread, her fingers restlessly picking at a loose thread, her tone now a hollow whisper. “The doctor told me later that I started screaming, but to this day, I don’t remember. The nurses had to put me in restraints and sedate me, so I wouldn’t tear my stitches out.”
“Gonzalo and my family came to see me, of course. But there was so much time I was alone and in so much pain, in every possible way.” Wearily, the red head leaned back against the pillow, the tears trickling down her cheeks and into her ears.
“The nights were the worst. I couldn’t sleep because the incision hurt too much. And there was too much time to think, too much time to grieve about everything I’d lost. I even wondered if my life was too much to bear anymore.” A humorless half-smile appeared. “This is the first time I’ve even said that thought out loud, much less told anyone.”
“So, when I tell you Pepa…how much it means for me to have you here, I really do mean it -”
Silvia stopped abruptly, realizing that Pepa was squeezing her right hand so tightly, it ached. Her eyes shifted to her wife’s face, as her heart rate accelerated in panic. Pepa’s expression was a study in grief, her eyes red and swollen with tears that liberally coated her high cheekbones. Her free hand was clenched in a white-knuckled grip and stuffed against her mouth to contain the silent sobs that shook throughout her frame.
“Dios!” The inspector cried, feeling her words cut off as her wife took her in a fierce, crushing embrace. “I shouldn’t have said all this! I should have known how much it would upset you!”
“No…no, Silvia!” The brunette choked out through her repeated sobs, her fists convulsively .bunching the thin material of Silvia’s hospital gown. “I’m so ss…sorry you had to go through that alone!”
“Pepa -”
“NO!!” Pepa yelled, her self-loathing evident in her strained voice. “I should have been there for you, I -”
“You couldn’t have known, cariño.” Silvia took her wife’s head in her hands, forcing her to look into her earnest expression. “But let me finish...I felt your presence, even then. I knew you were watching out for me, as crazy as that sounds.”
“Qué?” The agent took a shaky breath, feeling her tears being thumbed away. “I don’t understand. That’s impossible, Silvia. I didn’t even know that you’d been hurt.”
“That night, when I was at my lowest, when I wanted to know if I had a reason to go on…would you believe that I had a dream about you?”
“You’re not just saying that?” A ghost of a watery smile appeared.
“No, I’m serious.” Silvia nodded, her eyes bright and sincere. “You were so gorgeous, mi amor…your smile and your words. You said you were there to help me through this. That we would meet again, someday.”
“After I got home and was recuperating, you were on my mind, constantly. I tried so many times to look up where you’d gone. To send you a letter, to get back in touch with you. But every time I tried, I just couldn’t form the words. I thought surely, you had forgotten me or moved on. That I was nothing more than the little pelirroja who followed you around when we were kids.”
“Never.” Pepa breathed. She bestowed tiny kisses on the palm that cradled her still wet cheek. “You don’t know how many times, how many nights I dreamed of you in Sevilla. How I loved you from afar. Even if it sounded crazy, I never gave up that dream. Of how I felt about you. How I wanted it so badly to be real.”
“When we met again that day in the shooting range, I thought -”
“This is the way it was meant to be. That we would have found each other, no matter what paths our lives had taken.”`
“Siempre. Soulmates.” The words tingled on Silvia’s tongue, as she breathed in her wife’s essence.
The minutes ticked by, unnoticed as the two continued to hold each other in silence.
“Hey…” Pepa murmured as she felt her wife let out a long sigh, her body visibly drained by the emotional toll the conversation had taken. “You need to get more rest, princesa.”
“Sí. I’ve been better.” Silvia admitted. She clung to her spouse with sudden ferocity as she felt herself being lowered back down to the mattress. “Lo siento, Pepa. I’m sorry I brought all of this up so suddenly.”
“Stop apologizing.” Gentle fingers once again caressed the soft waves of red hair. “It’s good we talked, no?”
“Sí.” A brief nod of agreement.
“I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t say something to me, vale? No matter what.” Pepa’s intense gaze searched her wife’s face, willing her to believe her words.
“Vale.” Silvia’s hand traced a line against Pepa’s collarbone, coming to rest against her chest.
“I know this is going to sound stupid. I know I’m supposed to be strong. To not let all this stuff bother me, but…” Silvia faltered as she swallowed. “Can you hold me until I fall asleep?”
Pepa smiled understandingly as her hands quickly soothed away a shudder she felt run down Silvia’s spine. “Claro. You can be vulnerable, you can scream, you can be angry. I don’t care. You don’t ever have to pretend with me, Silvia. You’re my wife.”
Silvia gave her spouse a shaky smile. “I love being your wife.”
“Yo también, cariño.”
Slowly, the agent stretched them both out on the length of the bed, feeling the smaller woman curl up against the protective curve of her body.
“Get some sleep, pelirroja.” Pepa whispered as she nuzzled the red waves. “You can dream about where you’d like to go on our honeymoon.”
Her words met deaf ears, as Pepa saw that her wife had already dozed off. With a bittersweet smile, she gave into her body’s demands, letting the waves of exhaustion claim them both.
___