(no subject)
So this will never end
I hate that I have no emotions that are not him.
I love that I can visualise letting go.
Fuck it fuck everything. It doesn’t matter if he’s offended. His opinion doesn’t matter.
He shouldn’t be flirting with me when he has a girlfriend but he is. He said he wouldn’t but he is. I can picture the future if I let this go on. He’s going to be married and still flirting with me.
‘Our place’ are you kidding me???? Why do you think you can do this? Ok so it means he cares. That’s nice. He cares. It means something to him. That’s really nice to know. But he doesn’t seem to realise that he cares? So it’s meaningless. None of this matters. None of this is going to lead to anything but me making myself miserable again.
This could be forever. If I let it this could be forever. That is so nice to know. That is so so amazing wonderful good to know. It’s validating and freeing and I can’t let that happen. It will never lead to anything good.
My heart hurts to say goodbye.
I’m starting to rebuild a sense of self and it’s slow and painful and this is the most words I’ve managed to string together in so long