How much do your kids see you drink?
I saw this article about drinking in front of kids this morning, which was timely because I was just discussing this with some friends a few days ago.
Frankly, sometimes I am uncomfortable with the drinking-for-relief culture that surrounds us. When people make repeated jokes about it being "wine o'clock" or "three-martini playdates" or needing a glass of wine every night, I still haven't found a good response. I'm certainly not sanctimonious about drinking, and I don't think having a glass of wine in front of your kids is damaging, but it does bother me when people make the same "need a drink" jokes. After a while, it doesn't sound so much like a joke as it does a problem. In the interest of disclosure, I offer that I was raised by one parent who simply doesn't like the taste of alcohol and another who could drink people under the table if he wanted, but never really had much alcohol around: a cold beer after mowing the grass, a glass of wine during dinner with friends, an appreciation of a nice port. I took a wine-tasting class with my dad once because we like wine sometimes, but we didn't complain about the size of the pour or anything. He didn't need a beer; he would enjoy one without commentary about having a beer.
I don't remember ever saying "I need a drink," although I'm sure I probably said it in jest at some point. I don't look down on anyone who has a glass of wine every night, although I would be uncomfortable if that person expressed distress at not getting that glass for a night. Sometimes I'm startled by how much people around here talk about beer, as if the water isn't good enough and we need it for survival. I'm just not sure why it's necessary to bring beer to a kids' sporting event, or why so many invitations are qualified with "There will be beer!" Uh, okay. Well, I wasn't coming if there wasn't going to be beer...
It doesn't even make me feel that way when it's an actual party; go ahead, have one too many and get a little silly. Have a good time, don't drive, and don't wind up passing out on the host's bathroom floor. Other than that, enjoy! It's a party, not a t-ball game at nine o'clock in the morning.
Do people notice if they're always the one with the beer? If everyone else shows up with juice boxes and there you are with a cooler at every event? Do they just think other people aren't fun? Think about college: just about everyone would overdo it from time to time, but there was always that one person who wound up throwing up at the bar, or drinking alone at home. You just knew that person was the one who couldn't quite leave it all behind, even if he was the one claiming just to have a good time.
I wonder what the ripple effect of that is, when we tell kids to drink in moderation, not to make it a habit, and yet several of the respectable parents in a respectable neighborhood are perennially talking about their desperation for a glass of wine, a beer festival, just one drink to make it through dealing with all these kids. I don't think I'd like it much if I always overheard someone saying that he needed a drink after dealing with me all day; that would be quite hurtful, wouldn't it? And if I were young and didn't know anything about the dangers of drinking to excess, wouldn't I begin to think that perhaps all these glasses and bottles are the way to make it all a little easier?
I don't mean to imply that all of these people are drunks; I want to make that clear. My point is more that when people are uncomfortable they look for common ground, and often that comes out as, okay, we all feel stress and most people like to drink, so I'll say I need a drink! Everyone laughs because it's like making a joke about the weather, especially if nobody has a glass in hand at the time. It's a notion of camaraderie. Let us all raise a glass! I get that. I just wonder how it does affect kids who think their parents need a beer to cope with a class social, a soccer game, a birthday party. Don't they just grow up to be adults who think they need a beer to deal with their children, and that the only way to ease social anxiety is alcohol? I don't know that the problem is the drinking so much as it is the talking about drinking.
Frankly, sometimes I am uncomfortable with the drinking-for-relief culture that surrounds us. When people make repeated jokes about it being "wine o'clock" or "three-martini playdates" or needing a glass of wine every night, I still haven't found a good response. I'm certainly not sanctimonious about drinking, and I don't think having a glass of wine in front of your kids is damaging, but it does bother me when people make the same "need a drink" jokes. After a while, it doesn't sound so much like a joke as it does a problem. In the interest of disclosure, I offer that I was raised by one parent who simply doesn't like the taste of alcohol and another who could drink people under the table if he wanted, but never really had much alcohol around: a cold beer after mowing the grass, a glass of wine during dinner with friends, an appreciation of a nice port. I took a wine-tasting class with my dad once because we like wine sometimes, but we didn't complain about the size of the pour or anything. He didn't need a beer; he would enjoy one without commentary about having a beer.
I don't remember ever saying "I need a drink," although I'm sure I probably said it in jest at some point. I don't look down on anyone who has a glass of wine every night, although I would be uncomfortable if that person expressed distress at not getting that glass for a night. Sometimes I'm startled by how much people around here talk about beer, as if the water isn't good enough and we need it for survival. I'm just not sure why it's necessary to bring beer to a kids' sporting event, or why so many invitations are qualified with "There will be beer!" Uh, okay. Well, I wasn't coming if there wasn't going to be beer...
It doesn't even make me feel that way when it's an actual party; go ahead, have one too many and get a little silly. Have a good time, don't drive, and don't wind up passing out on the host's bathroom floor. Other than that, enjoy! It's a party, not a t-ball game at nine o'clock in the morning.
Do people notice if they're always the one with the beer? If everyone else shows up with juice boxes and there you are with a cooler at every event? Do they just think other people aren't fun? Think about college: just about everyone would overdo it from time to time, but there was always that one person who wound up throwing up at the bar, or drinking alone at home. You just knew that person was the one who couldn't quite leave it all behind, even if he was the one claiming just to have a good time.
I wonder what the ripple effect of that is, when we tell kids to drink in moderation, not to make it a habit, and yet several of the respectable parents in a respectable neighborhood are perennially talking about their desperation for a glass of wine, a beer festival, just one drink to make it through dealing with all these kids. I don't think I'd like it much if I always overheard someone saying that he needed a drink after dealing with me all day; that would be quite hurtful, wouldn't it? And if I were young and didn't know anything about the dangers of drinking to excess, wouldn't I begin to think that perhaps all these glasses and bottles are the way to make it all a little easier?
I don't mean to imply that all of these people are drunks; I want to make that clear. My point is more that when people are uncomfortable they look for common ground, and often that comes out as, okay, we all feel stress and most people like to drink, so I'll say I need a drink! Everyone laughs because it's like making a joke about the weather, especially if nobody has a glass in hand at the time. It's a notion of camaraderie. Let us all raise a glass! I get that. I just wonder how it does affect kids who think their parents need a beer to cope with a class social, a soccer game, a birthday party. Don't they just grow up to be adults who think they need a beer to deal with their children, and that the only way to ease social anxiety is alcohol? I don't know that the problem is the drinking so much as it is the talking about drinking.