Maybe people should just start talking to me when I've had three hours of sleep...
Oh, wait...I usually only get fourish, anyway...
You know how people attach certain meanings to certain things? They may be totally off-the-wall meanings that nobody understands but that person, but nonetheless certain things have certain meanings for certain people. (I like the word "certain.") Yeah. "Puff the Magic Dragon" is like that for me. I know that some people say it's about drugs, etc. Whatever. That's a bunch of bunk. But it's also beside the point. The point is that when I hear that song, I think of all the things it means to me because, quite frankly, I can not get that song to go away. It keeps resurfacing at the oddest times in my life. My mom used to sing songs to us when we were little. Each of us had our own song, and she would make the rounds to all our bedrooms and sing to us when she tucked us in at bedtime. My brothers' were that "Momma's Gonna Buy You A..." song and...gee, I don't remember the other one. But my sister's was the one about the show horse that only drank wine...goodness, I don't remember the horse's name. I'm not doin' too well at this. Anyway, mine was "Puff the Magic Dragon." Come on. I'm this hyper-sensitive little kid who won't even throw her old backpack away because it might get lonely in the garbage or get its feelings hurt (I still have a pair of tennis shoes stashed in my closet from elementary school because it felt so wrong to throw them in the trashcan with all the banana peels and yogurt cups and used-up paper towels while I was wearing a brand new pair. It was like "You have served me well, tennis shoes. As a reward I will now proceed to stab you in the back." Although I guess it'd be more like, what? The heel? Regardless, don't tell my mom. She'll get them out and throw them away.) and my mom sings me "Puff the Magic Dragon" every night before I go to sleep. I used to cry so hard that she had to make up a new verse in which Jackie Paper's son comes back to play with Puff. Maybe THAT is why I'm such an emotional basketcase. Puff scarred me for life. Holy cow, I used to cry at my sister's song (it had such a sad tune) and that "Momma's gonna buy you a..." song because everything kept breaking. And because my papa used to sing it to my mom, so sometimes my mom would accidentally sing "Papa's gonna buy you a..." and that made me cry a lot. I don't know why. I also used to cry when my mom told me stories about me when I was a baby. It was like I was sad that I had lost that or something...my goodness, I just cried a lot. I still do. Again, I don't know why.
THE POINT OF THE STORY was that that song keeps coming back at weird times and it makes me think of those times and sometimes I still cry, but sometimes I smile a little bit, and SOMETIMES I feel this quiet sort of sense of satisfaction because I know I'm growing and changing and that life is taking me where I'm supposed to go, as bumpy as it might be on the way.
Wow. I should probably tell y'all that I'm really tired. And pretty much not really myself. Aka whacked out. Obviously.
You know how people attach certain meanings to certain things? They may be totally off-the-wall meanings that nobody understands but that person, but nonetheless certain things have certain meanings for certain people. (I like the word "certain.") Yeah. "Puff the Magic Dragon" is like that for me. I know that some people say it's about drugs, etc. Whatever. That's a bunch of bunk. But it's also beside the point. The point is that when I hear that song, I think of all the things it means to me because, quite frankly, I can not get that song to go away. It keeps resurfacing at the oddest times in my life. My mom used to sing songs to us when we were little. Each of us had our own song, and she would make the rounds to all our bedrooms and sing to us when she tucked us in at bedtime. My brothers' were that "Momma's Gonna Buy You A..." song and...gee, I don't remember the other one. But my sister's was the one about the show horse that only drank wine...goodness, I don't remember the horse's name. I'm not doin' too well at this. Anyway, mine was "Puff the Magic Dragon." Come on. I'm this hyper-sensitive little kid who won't even throw her old backpack away because it might get lonely in the garbage or get its feelings hurt (I still have a pair of tennis shoes stashed in my closet from elementary school because it felt so wrong to throw them in the trashcan with all the banana peels and yogurt cups and used-up paper towels while I was wearing a brand new pair. It was like "You have served me well, tennis shoes. As a reward I will now proceed to stab you in the back." Although I guess it'd be more like, what? The heel? Regardless, don't tell my mom. She'll get them out and throw them away.) and my mom sings me "Puff the Magic Dragon" every night before I go to sleep. I used to cry so hard that she had to make up a new verse in which Jackie Paper's son comes back to play with Puff. Maybe THAT is why I'm such an emotional basketcase. Puff scarred me for life. Holy cow, I used to cry at my sister's song (it had such a sad tune) and that "Momma's gonna buy you a..." song because everything kept breaking. And because my papa used to sing it to my mom, so sometimes my mom would accidentally sing "Papa's gonna buy you a..." and that made me cry a lot. I don't know why. I also used to cry when my mom told me stories about me when I was a baby. It was like I was sad that I had lost that or something...my goodness, I just cried a lot. I still do. Again, I don't know why.
THE POINT OF THE STORY was that that song keeps coming back at weird times and it makes me think of those times and sometimes I still cry, but sometimes I smile a little bit, and SOMETIMES I feel this quiet sort of sense of satisfaction because I know I'm growing and changing and that life is taking me where I'm supposed to go, as bumpy as it might be on the way.
Wow. I should probably tell y'all that I'm really tired. And pretty much not really myself. Aka whacked out. Obviously.