(no subject)
ok i need to vent because i just got off the phone with my parents...
i hate coming back here and having everything be the same. the main thing in my life that i want to change is that i don't want to be run so much by my schedule. I want to be spontaneous and have time to be spontaneous and not be running from here to there with my crazy life. that's not living to me. life does not consist within a job that overrules your life. it does not consist within cramming classes and credit hours within your weekdays. i'm going to be babysitting every single day this week. it really shows me how much my heart has changed hasn't it. i feel so shallow because here i am trying to make a committment to stepping down and trying to not let life get crazy and the first obstacle in my way (and probably the biggest) is babysitting. what do i do, i crumble and i cave and i say "sure i can babysit whenever you want this week". and i tell my parents this and they say "well it's a good job and you'll be making money". screw money. since when has anyone who's gone after money first ever been happy. i do not want the life my mother leads that is overly concerned about money. everything is related to money with her. screw it. i don't want that life. i don't want to chase after things that are meaningless.
the point is that i want that simplicity and that happiness that i experienced in appalachia by waking up every morning reading Psalm 3:5 ("I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.") and gazing at beautiful mountains, breathing in and saying "God is good because I'm alive for one more day. I didn't decide to wake up, but God gave me life. Now how can i serve him today?" that's life to me. none of this other crap that i've been leading for the past 24 hours.
i hate coming back here and having everything be the same. the main thing in my life that i want to change is that i don't want to be run so much by my schedule. I want to be spontaneous and have time to be spontaneous and not be running from here to there with my crazy life. that's not living to me. life does not consist within a job that overrules your life. it does not consist within cramming classes and credit hours within your weekdays. i'm going to be babysitting every single day this week. it really shows me how much my heart has changed hasn't it. i feel so shallow because here i am trying to make a committment to stepping down and trying to not let life get crazy and the first obstacle in my way (and probably the biggest) is babysitting. what do i do, i crumble and i cave and i say "sure i can babysit whenever you want this week". and i tell my parents this and they say "well it's a good job and you'll be making money". screw money. since when has anyone who's gone after money first ever been happy. i do not want the life my mother leads that is overly concerned about money. everything is related to money with her. screw it. i don't want that life. i don't want to chase after things that are meaningless.
the point is that i want that simplicity and that happiness that i experienced in appalachia by waking up every morning reading Psalm 3:5 ("I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.") and gazing at beautiful mountains, breathing in and saying "God is good because I'm alive for one more day. I didn't decide to wake up, but God gave me life. Now how can i serve him today?" that's life to me. none of this other crap that i've been leading for the past 24 hours.