Stressing Over Everything
College stress sucks. I, too have beaten myself down to the point where I don't think i can get in anywhere I think is acceptable. It's horrifying. Matters only become worse considering my parents and I can't discuss colleges without a big fight. And break-downs have become the backbone of my waking hours. At this point I haven't decided whether I have an early and severe case of "senior-itis" or I'm just so stressed I cannot concentrate on my homework. Plus band- and getting sick. I snap at everyone for everything. Then I feel bad about it and cry. And get headaches.
And yes- I'm at my Auntie's house, which makes things a little less stressful. But who knows when I will have to go back home. And mom refuses to consider Rhode Island. (My heart is set on going there- And we have friends there that I can visit and go to if I ever need anything) But does she care? Of course not! The only place she wants me to go is NJ. And guess what?!- Either it's too expensive here for I can't get in. Anywhere else and there is something wrong with it. The only place she'd be happy with is OCC. And I refuse to go to OCC because I know that I'm better than that. And then I'd have to stay at home for an even longer amount of time and there is no way in hell I'm doing that.
And I have my period, which only adds to my infuriating frustration. And this lovely headache I have isn't helping too much either. I hate Shakespeare and I have to read Macbeth. I haven't read a single act yet- I'm on Act IV. Good, huh? I thought so. I sleep during trig because it's the only time I can.
I feel like I'm not sleeping- Just closing my eyes for a longer time than usual. I wake up in the morning and feel no more rested than I did the night before. I fake being happy and I'm bitchy and apathetic to everyone and I'm starting to hate myself because of it. I can't tell my psychiatrist because my mom is there and then she'll bug me and ask me questions about it all the time.
Apparently she's gotten more nutso since I've left- which will make going back even worse. Anytime I talk to her/see her my stomach is in knots because I'm just waiting for her to flip out at me. My dad can't even deal with her anymore. yet she refuses to believe that there is anything wrong with her. No- It's everyone else that has the problems. Fucking ridiculous.
Poetry Slam is this thursday. I'm nervous at hell, though. I feel like I'm going to puke and I still have three more days. Haha three isn't that ironic? I have a paper due about an artist in art next Monday and I don't even know who my artist is yet. ErinH wants me to go to her All State concert. And I would love to more than anything! But I still have to write this paper and I am the WORST procrastinator you could ever imagine.
And yes- I'm at my Auntie's house, which makes things a little less stressful. But who knows when I will have to go back home. And mom refuses to consider Rhode Island. (My heart is set on going there- And we have friends there that I can visit and go to if I ever need anything) But does she care? Of course not! The only place she wants me to go is NJ. And guess what?!- Either it's too expensive here for I can't get in. Anywhere else and there is something wrong with it. The only place she'd be happy with is OCC. And I refuse to go to OCC because I know that I'm better than that. And then I'd have to stay at home for an even longer amount of time and there is no way in hell I'm doing that.
And I have my period, which only adds to my infuriating frustration. And this lovely headache I have isn't helping too much either. I hate Shakespeare and I have to read Macbeth. I haven't read a single act yet- I'm on Act IV. Good, huh? I thought so. I sleep during trig because it's the only time I can.
I feel like I'm not sleeping- Just closing my eyes for a longer time than usual. I wake up in the morning and feel no more rested than I did the night before. I fake being happy and I'm bitchy and apathetic to everyone and I'm starting to hate myself because of it. I can't tell my psychiatrist because my mom is there and then she'll bug me and ask me questions about it all the time.
Apparently she's gotten more nutso since I've left- which will make going back even worse. Anytime I talk to her/see her my stomach is in knots because I'm just waiting for her to flip out at me. My dad can't even deal with her anymore. yet she refuses to believe that there is anything wrong with her. No- It's everyone else that has the problems. Fucking ridiculous.
Poetry Slam is this thursday. I'm nervous at hell, though. I feel like I'm going to puke and I still have three more days. Haha three isn't that ironic? I have a paper due about an artist in art next Monday and I don't even know who my artist is yet. ErinH wants me to go to her All State concert. And I would love to more than anything! But I still have to write this paper and I am the WORST procrastinator you could ever imagine.