(no subject)

Oct 15, 2004 13:47

So, dude, has it really been almost a year since graced the LJ with my radiant presence? No way. Yes way. Oh hell.

So anyway. Just chillin, working, creatin, chanting, meditating, yogaing, eating, schooling, reading, taroting, and doing the wo-man thing. Today i am chilling for my first day off in almost a month and a half.. making curtains and macrobiotic granny smith apple granola and cranberry bread, listening to the average white band ...

feel like someone else. I almost wonder sometimes if i should change my name. not really feeling the 'becka" anymore. not sure what thats supposed to mean. J and i are now taoist zen buddhists in progress.

The boat was a beautiful idea and we spent a lovely summer aboard. It was a life changing experience. Owning my own home, being that independent, changed me. I cant explain it, but i've never felt like i was that Home before. living on the boat was the closest i've ever been to living bliss. But, financial realities being as they are, the boat we chose was gorgeous and the best we could buy, but too small. And sadly and tearfully we accepted that reality and moved off this september. Best spent 4 months of our lives. our family, instead of killing us, accepted our decision graciously and offered untold support. So now we are back in an apartment this time in glen burnie. but still have only our meger possesions from the boat plus a dining room table, a futon, a mattress, some lamps and some homemade furniture. we are dedicated to keeping it simple. the amazing thing is that we had trouble finding storage in the apartment for all the things we managed to stuff in the boat and in the car... wild call, or as we call her "a simple path" is on sale now. so far.. not too many interested parties. but every time we see her we fall in love again and have to drag ourselves away. we try to turn our mind to the present and look forward to the future... which, as you can see from the top portion means making us a we. its funny, the longer i've been with justin the more i've had a life of my own. even more so than when i was younger and had no significant other..

Im an enviromental science major and am quickly becoming more of a liberal than i already was. the more my eyes open to the realities and the possiblities for the future the more confused i am as to what i should do with myself. I have to continually fight the urge to 'drop out' and join a commune and live the simple sustainable life in accord with nature.. which is juxtaposed with the urge to DO SOMETHING to help the environment and the people in it. I as dedicated to healing people as i am to the environment and i am considering getting my reiki master and massage certification.. among other healing methods.. feeling pulled in so many directions and not quite sure where to move next. the books that line my to be read shelf are so varied.. environmental books, buddhist books, massage books, energy healing books, reiki books, i ching books, zen books, taoist books, 60's and 70's new journalism (taking a class in that, reading the electric kool aid acid test, fear and loathing in las vegas, slouching towards bethehem, dispatches, in cold blood, and others), commune books, yoga and meditation books, just so many places i'm dabling.. not sure where i'm headed... but, have faith that im going somewhere.. where.. not sure yet.

hey man, to be continued.
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