(no subject)
I honestly cant remember the last time I felt so alone, so lost and confused.
Last night was horrible...
to give a run down..pretty much Im an alcoholic. I dont know when enough is enough.
aaron and i got in a fight...because drinking and drugs gets in the way of our relationship as it does in most peoples. anywho, we 'broke up'...said a lot of 'fuck you's' and that was that. acouple kids came over and chilled...i had a little much to drink and can remember little of the night but I do remember going to sleep because I was crying over aaron...and one of them 'Plax' came in bed with me (nothing happened)...but apparently I was molested...and I woke up to aaron crying and screaming at him to get the FUCK out of the bed and that he was going to beat their skulls in with his bike helmt.
so that was fucked up. then aaron through things, kicked things, threw a tantrum and yelled at me...for acouple hours. I cried...sobbed and he just watched me almost in enjoyment from my pain.
hmm..well...shortly after him telling me to kill myself and do it right infront of him I get pumped and rushed to the door and he got there before me and put himself infront of me..
thats where we fell to the ground and cried in each others arms. I could swear it was like a soap operah except real. it sucked...
and I think I've come to the conclusion that drinking isn't social for me...I drink to run away from problems...the one thing I love most is the one things thats ultimatly destorying me.
and I really dont know what to do anymore.
I want to just get away from this town, from these people...
I wish aaron wouldn't drink. I wish he were the same when he drank as when he didn't. He's not the same person and it hurts so fucking much...but his addiction and selfishness takes place and he wants his drink...and I cannot do anything about it....
so I dont really know what else to do..but fucking cry.
and then feel stupid for spilling my guts on livejournal
Last night was horrible...
to give a run down..pretty much Im an alcoholic. I dont know when enough is enough.
aaron and i got in a fight...because drinking and drugs gets in the way of our relationship as it does in most peoples. anywho, we 'broke up'...said a lot of 'fuck you's' and that was that. acouple kids came over and chilled...i had a little much to drink and can remember little of the night but I do remember going to sleep because I was crying over aaron...and one of them 'Plax' came in bed with me (nothing happened)...but apparently I was molested...and I woke up to aaron crying and screaming at him to get the FUCK out of the bed and that he was going to beat their skulls in with his bike helmt.
so that was fucked up. then aaron through things, kicked things, threw a tantrum and yelled at me...for acouple hours. I cried...sobbed and he just watched me almost in enjoyment from my pain.
hmm..well...shortly after him telling me to kill myself and do it right infront of him I get pumped and rushed to the door and he got there before me and put himself infront of me..
thats where we fell to the ground and cried in each others arms. I could swear it was like a soap operah except real. it sucked...
and I think I've come to the conclusion that drinking isn't social for me...I drink to run away from problems...the one thing I love most is the one things thats ultimatly destorying me.
and I really dont know what to do anymore.
I want to just get away from this town, from these people...
I wish aaron wouldn't drink. I wish he were the same when he drank as when he didn't. He's not the same person and it hurts so fucking much...but his addiction and selfishness takes place and he wants his drink...and I cannot do anything about it....
so I dont really know what else to do..but fucking cry.
and then feel stupid for spilling my guts on livejournal