(no subject)
I was debating on posting a bullatin. Then realized more than 2/3's of those people dont really know me or give a shit about me-so I'll write in here where I know at least there's friends that might care.
I'm just going to start rambling...there's no way to make this sound even remotly right.
So today has been stressful. Very.
I'm going to jump forward to hitting a cat...
On the way to take Megan (fuck her) home, A cat ran out to Michael's car...And got hit. We weren't sure if we had hit anything because we didn't really see anything but felt the car go over a 'bump' so we knew something had happened. after dropping her off, we went back on the road to find that very cat laying on the side of the road. Luckily he wasn't bleeding as bad as I thought he would be. We called up the vet and got directions then went on our way to Lynwood.
*this part kills me*********
I held the cat on the ride, wrapped in my blanket (you all know how much my blanket means to me). I didn't care if blood got on it or if I had to wash it. All my care was to the cat. Holding that very cat wrapped in my blanket-I pictured my own child-except I wasn't caring for it-I am NOT caring for it. Am I pregnant? I dont know-I've gained 15 lbs, Have yet to have my period, and the test was fucked up...Oh and cant forget me being sick every morning. I've already gone over this with someone-but even if I'm not 3 months into it, I'm sure side effects can start early on in pregnancy. Anywho, I've been joking about me being pregnant and ways to kill it-go do some coke again, drink (which at my rate there's no way a baby could live), coat hangers? c'mon. And I laugh about this...because I'm fucking scared shitless. All I know is I can't imagine something so innocent-even more than a cat that happened to run out into the road...or rather, something that is my own blood a creation out of ME...die because of a careless, fucked up mother...
If you read this, I dont want any bullshit comments, please.
I dont want to hear that I'm blowing things out of preportion....none of that.
So leave it to yourself, dont talk about this with other people--if you want to talk about my personal problems, dont do it behind my back-speak to me.
and any of you who care, thanks...
now to my room to go cry. fuck me.
I'm just going to start rambling...there's no way to make this sound even remotly right.
So today has been stressful. Very.
I'm going to jump forward to hitting a cat...
On the way to take Megan (fuck her) home, A cat ran out to Michael's car...And got hit. We weren't sure if we had hit anything because we didn't really see anything but felt the car go over a 'bump' so we knew something had happened. after dropping her off, we went back on the road to find that very cat laying on the side of the road. Luckily he wasn't bleeding as bad as I thought he would be. We called up the vet and got directions then went on our way to Lynwood.
*this part kills me*********
I held the cat on the ride, wrapped in my blanket (you all know how much my blanket means to me). I didn't care if blood got on it or if I had to wash it. All my care was to the cat. Holding that very cat wrapped in my blanket-I pictured my own child-except I wasn't caring for it-I am NOT caring for it. Am I pregnant? I dont know-I've gained 15 lbs, Have yet to have my period, and the test was fucked up...Oh and cant forget me being sick every morning. I've already gone over this with someone-but even if I'm not 3 months into it, I'm sure side effects can start early on in pregnancy. Anywho, I've been joking about me being pregnant and ways to kill it-go do some coke again, drink (which at my rate there's no way a baby could live), coat hangers? c'mon. And I laugh about this...because I'm fucking scared shitless. All I know is I can't imagine something so innocent-even more than a cat that happened to run out into the road...or rather, something that is my own blood a creation out of ME...die because of a careless, fucked up mother...
If you read this, I dont want any bullshit comments, please.
I dont want to hear that I'm blowing things out of preportion....none of that.
So leave it to yourself, dont talk about this with other people--if you want to talk about my personal problems, dont do it behind my back-speak to me.
and any of you who care, thanks...
now to my room to go cry. fuck me.