Update
So my life is in a little bit of a rut right now. It's my second quarter of my third year here at EWU, and things couldn't be busier. I feel like my feet don't even move, they just glide because I am always in a hurry. But not too long after I got home from Christmas break did everything start to fall apart. My computer decided to die on me, which is currently being fixed by Tom. Who I am very thankful is fixing it. It is really nice to have a boyfriend who is a jack of most trades. But let us get back to my sob story, shall we. So, also I don't have any scholarships of any kind this year. All damn year, nothing but loans. Which by the way, I don't have full coverage on, only partial. So I get a nice little $900 bill every three months. Nice! Also, there is an array of other crapola that has transpired.
But I guess most of all; it's this freaking feeling that has been getting under my skin. And honestly, it has been driving me stark raving mad at times. I mean, I know I love college, and my classes are cool, and my profs are more than awesome. But still, this place just does stuff to you. I guess the real pressure is on now that I am declaring my major and getting into the real mess of things. Plus, not so good terms on a few "emotional" matters in my heart. Which, by the way, who the hell wants to listen too? I wouldn't want to, but hell its playing in my head sometimes, so I kinda have to listen. Which sucks royally!
I am going to break it down for a second. What are you to do when you have some real issues to deal with, with practically no one to help you out? And psychologist analysis councilor action doesn't count! I guess the one person I want to talk to right now lately, hasn't been in the mood to talk. Apologies accepted, and point of view, always taken into consideration. But seriously, enough is freaking enough! I mean just shooting the breeze or talking about anything would be heavenly. But I feel like even that is impossible. Even my family is so freaking stressed it's like they are on the run from the police when I talk to them. Like they keep asking me questions until they find a proper excuse to get off the phone. "Oh, so you’re putting your clothes away, well let me let you get back to that. I wouldn't want to distract you or anything." -rolls my eyes- The whole reason why I have a headset is so I can distract myself while I multitask!
But yeah, I guess I am just complaining. I should be freaking grateful that I am in college at all. I have so many wonderful opportunities, and I am going to be damned if I am going to pass even one up. I love my life and all that surrounds it. But sometimes, you just can't help but feel like your only one in it. That instead of being talked to I am being occupied. No, that's not right. Instead of being in a conversation, I am being in a one way convo. There usually is no, "Hey Jessica, How are you?" I haven’t really heard that in like two weeks form a few select people. I mean, how hard is it to ask someone how they are doing. And half the time I will lie to you so you don't have to hear about my crappy day! Ahhh!
I guess I am just done with fooling around with fate. If life sucks at a point in time, I guess you just have to ride it through. So, I’m pumping up the music nice and loud. Because there is no way in hell I am going to let the silence be sliced through with these messed up thoughts. Plus, why delve into the unknown when you know there isn't someone holding on the other end of the line. So I guess I will just slowly become deft from the loud music till someone decides to hear me. Until then, hope all is well in everyone's worlds, and in the words of my father "keep hanging in there."
Peace. . . Out!
But I guess most of all; it's this freaking feeling that has been getting under my skin. And honestly, it has been driving me stark raving mad at times. I mean, I know I love college, and my classes are cool, and my profs are more than awesome. But still, this place just does stuff to you. I guess the real pressure is on now that I am declaring my major and getting into the real mess of things. Plus, not so good terms on a few "emotional" matters in my heart. Which, by the way, who the hell wants to listen too? I wouldn't want to, but hell its playing in my head sometimes, so I kinda have to listen. Which sucks royally!
I am going to break it down for a second. What are you to do when you have some real issues to deal with, with practically no one to help you out? And psychologist analysis councilor action doesn't count! I guess the one person I want to talk to right now lately, hasn't been in the mood to talk. Apologies accepted, and point of view, always taken into consideration. But seriously, enough is freaking enough! I mean just shooting the breeze or talking about anything would be heavenly. But I feel like even that is impossible. Even my family is so freaking stressed it's like they are on the run from the police when I talk to them. Like they keep asking me questions until they find a proper excuse to get off the phone. "Oh, so you’re putting your clothes away, well let me let you get back to that. I wouldn't want to distract you or anything." -rolls my eyes- The whole reason why I have a headset is so I can distract myself while I multitask!
But yeah, I guess I am just complaining. I should be freaking grateful that I am in college at all. I have so many wonderful opportunities, and I am going to be damned if I am going to pass even one up. I love my life and all that surrounds it. But sometimes, you just can't help but feel like your only one in it. That instead of being talked to I am being occupied. No, that's not right. Instead of being in a conversation, I am being in a one way convo. There usually is no, "Hey Jessica, How are you?" I haven’t really heard that in like two weeks form a few select people. I mean, how hard is it to ask someone how they are doing. And half the time I will lie to you so you don't have to hear about my crappy day! Ahhh!
I guess I am just done with fooling around with fate. If life sucks at a point in time, I guess you just have to ride it through. So, I’m pumping up the music nice and loud. Because there is no way in hell I am going to let the silence be sliced through with these messed up thoughts. Plus, why delve into the unknown when you know there isn't someone holding on the other end of the line. So I guess I will just slowly become deft from the loud music till someone decides to hear me. Until then, hope all is well in everyone's worlds, and in the words of my father "keep hanging in there."
Peace. . . Out!