Picking up the Pieces
Adrift, lost, wondering, ...waiting....for...anything. Ever feel like a boat adrift, just letting the breeze and the water command your destination? I feel like that boat, that seemingly peaceful blissful content to just drift and not care where. I spent a good long time in our lil pool in the backyard, just enjoying the cool water and watching the wonderful world of nature live around me. I need those peaceful moments as of late. Because the moment I stop caring how beautiful the world is, I start to focus on trivial unseemlingly useless dramatic problems that encompass all our lives...then the world's luster turns dull, cold and lifeless. -sighs-
For some reason, someone has been rockin the boat! Not a specific someone, but I guess just a few specific some things. I take deep breathes, I look at the positives, I try to be nice when I should be impolite, I try to be everything for everyone, and then have an ounce of energy at the end of the day to think "hmm..what do I want?" And yet, I can't get this selfish and bad feelings out of my heart. Like I have done someone wrong by just trying to be me. I think that is the worst feeling one can have. To just try to help, but in the end you find out you did the complete opposite. How I wish that the world were as simple as nature, the world itself. It just flows like the water, fluid and peaceful. But it can also be dangerous, and even kill. The world in itself, is a wonder, one that I will never fully understand. But with that, I will never get tired of unlocking all it's new wonders.
-Has a sneezing convulsion, and moans as I blow my nose for the four hundreth time today-
Well, I guess a much needed update is due. So here has been my life thus far since I left EWU:
*The weekend I arrived home, I learned my Uncle Wid died from cancer.(Spent most of the next three days overfilling both my trash cans with tissues)
*In the middle of the week, learned one of my church friends died.(Elderly man, very sweet, and knew all of his family)
*My little sister signed up to go to school at Walker next year.
*I went to a movie with my lil bro Sam, Over the Hedge, my new found love in movie form.
*Went to Bonney Lake and splish splashed around with Whendy and Heather, old friends renewed
*Went to a movie with Heather and Whendy! CLICK! It made me cry, who ever knew I would care so much if Adam Sandler died?
-shrugs- I am a softy, I even cry during commercials! Yep, just give me a minute, literally and I can give you some tears.
*Attempted to deal with situations in my heart to only find out that they were more confusing than I have ever seen.
*Started to brush up on my clay skills to find I lack the motivation to make anything worth while right now.
*Found that even though when your hurting, there are just certain times your feelings don't matter when another needs you more. (Thought I already knew this, but hey, I guess I am a repetitive learner)
*Found a job on the street I live. Ah, the old house cleaning jobs of old, I guess I can't outlive that curse till I have cleaned every persons house on the street. Three down, like fifty to go!
*Wrote an email I regret.
*Found that you can be repulsed by your own emotions. -shakes my head- I think this post is a bit emo..sorry all.
So, if I missed anything, it is because it is 3:30 in the morning and I really don't like to think in detail at this time. I like to be water, just run right by it, and pick up the little rocks, leaving the larger ones for later. Pick those bigs thoughts up when I am in a more strong and coherent mood. Yeah right..haha..like that will happen anytime soon.
So yeah, missing a certain three people that had a little play date togther the other day. Other than that, I want to just be hugging a certain someone very soon, and to not let any more tears fall from these very tired eyes. Well, I guess I will update again soon. Since I am home. Look forward to more LOL(Legend of Lekea)!
Unconsciously,
Jessica
For some reason, someone has been rockin the boat! Not a specific someone, but I guess just a few specific some things. I take deep breathes, I look at the positives, I try to be nice when I should be impolite, I try to be everything for everyone, and then have an ounce of energy at the end of the day to think "hmm..what do I want?" And yet, I can't get this selfish and bad feelings out of my heart. Like I have done someone wrong by just trying to be me. I think that is the worst feeling one can have. To just try to help, but in the end you find out you did the complete opposite. How I wish that the world were as simple as nature, the world itself. It just flows like the water, fluid and peaceful. But it can also be dangerous, and even kill. The world in itself, is a wonder, one that I will never fully understand. But with that, I will never get tired of unlocking all it's new wonders.
-Has a sneezing convulsion, and moans as I blow my nose for the four hundreth time today-
Well, I guess a much needed update is due. So here has been my life thus far since I left EWU:
*The weekend I arrived home, I learned my Uncle Wid died from cancer.(Spent most of the next three days overfilling both my trash cans with tissues)
*In the middle of the week, learned one of my church friends died.(Elderly man, very sweet, and knew all of his family)
*My little sister signed up to go to school at Walker next year.
*I went to a movie with my lil bro Sam, Over the Hedge, my new found love in movie form.
*Went to Bonney Lake and splish splashed around with Whendy and Heather, old friends renewed
*Went to a movie with Heather and Whendy! CLICK! It made me cry, who ever knew I would care so much if Adam Sandler died?
-shrugs- I am a softy, I even cry during commercials! Yep, just give me a minute, literally and I can give you some tears.
*Attempted to deal with situations in my heart to only find out that they were more confusing than I have ever seen.
*Started to brush up on my clay skills to find I lack the motivation to make anything worth while right now.
*Found that even though when your hurting, there are just certain times your feelings don't matter when another needs you more. (Thought I already knew this, but hey, I guess I am a repetitive learner)
*Found a job on the street I live. Ah, the old house cleaning jobs of old, I guess I can't outlive that curse till I have cleaned every persons house on the street. Three down, like fifty to go!
*Wrote an email I regret.
*Found that you can be repulsed by your own emotions. -shakes my head- I think this post is a bit emo..sorry all.
So, if I missed anything, it is because it is 3:30 in the morning and I really don't like to think in detail at this time. I like to be water, just run right by it, and pick up the little rocks, leaving the larger ones for later. Pick those bigs thoughts up when I am in a more strong and coherent mood. Yeah right..haha..like that will happen anytime soon.
So yeah, missing a certain three people that had a little play date togther the other day. Other than that, I want to just be hugging a certain someone very soon, and to not let any more tears fall from these very tired eyes. Well, I guess I will update again soon. Since I am home. Look forward to more LOL(Legend of Lekea)!
Unconsciously,
Jessica