Special thanks to Jade, Crystal, and Alanis
it is so dreadful when I get self-conscious
because I get so reserved and unsexy
laugh too long and too hard and revert to silence
ask difficult schmoozy questions in desperate attempts to make friends
but can you blame me?
I am twenty-two and a baby in adult terms
a serial small-town boy who isn't used to vulnerability
can you blame me for being intimidated?
this has been a weekend of immense failures
and I keep a brave smile on my bruised face
for my benefit as well as his
hit the brakes and downshift to safety
turn the wheel and dodge difficult conversations
and sometimes I want to burn down a city
cry out to jesus please please please
turn me into a bird so I can fly back to a sub-par home
but jesus is busy
and I am strapped in the driver's seat of my life
a heavy foot on the gas and unfortunate passengers holding on
not to me, but to the illusion of safety
it really would be better, i think,
if they held on to the driver in support of his plight
no, really
retail therapy is important and sometimes paralyzing
I am not one of those label-conscious gays
I like my Prada for the sharp lines and dark fabrics
the same way I like winter for ice and clouds
not as if I'd blow my paycheck on a pair of slacks
alanis morissette said it best, damn it:
i can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
so unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
so ignorant for someone of sound mind
twelve dollar underwear sometimes helps that
clever thrift store t-shirts always do
at least it's not crack, baby!
at least I'm not turning tricks
just my head to see myself in the three-way mirror
to see every angle of a self I want made new
"Oh these little rejections
how they disappear quickly
the moment I decide not to abandon me" -- A.M.
because I get so reserved and unsexy
laugh too long and too hard and revert to silence
ask difficult schmoozy questions in desperate attempts to make friends
but can you blame me?
I am twenty-two and a baby in adult terms
a serial small-town boy who isn't used to vulnerability
can you blame me for being intimidated?
this has been a weekend of immense failures
and I keep a brave smile on my bruised face
for my benefit as well as his
hit the brakes and downshift to safety
turn the wheel and dodge difficult conversations
and sometimes I want to burn down a city
cry out to jesus please please please
turn me into a bird so I can fly back to a sub-par home
but jesus is busy
and I am strapped in the driver's seat of my life
a heavy foot on the gas and unfortunate passengers holding on
not to me, but to the illusion of safety
it really would be better, i think,
if they held on to the driver in support of his plight
no, really
retail therapy is important and sometimes paralyzing
I am not one of those label-conscious gays
I like my Prada for the sharp lines and dark fabrics
the same way I like winter for ice and clouds
not as if I'd blow my paycheck on a pair of slacks
alanis morissette said it best, damn it:
i can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
so unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
so ignorant for someone of sound mind
twelve dollar underwear sometimes helps that
clever thrift store t-shirts always do
at least it's not crack, baby!
at least I'm not turning tricks
just my head to see myself in the three-way mirror
to see every angle of a self I want made new
"Oh these little rejections
how they disappear quickly
the moment I decide not to abandon me" -- A.M.