Memorial Day Memories
It was very strange...but I wanted to get this down before I forgot to document it.
angeldreams135, spicketrot, TheDude (my brother), and I went to visit our fallen soldiers on Memorial Day. It was strange for more reasons than one.
First: My brother was with me and my friends.
Bizarro Universe. Seriously. And Angeldreams drove.
Second: What we were going to do was visit a cemetery. Together.
Weirdness.
Being there was like being thrown into a hedge maze. None of the letter or numbers made sense and we always ended up parking a long way away from where our intended headstones were. To make matters even more confusing, sometimes the numbers didn't go IN ORDER. Looking for section 19, we found that the little markers on the side of the road put 18 and 21 next to each other. WTF???
My brother and I went to visit "family." He'd served two years in Iraq and when he got out, he died a week later in a car accident overseas. He never made it home.
We saw that his family had already been there: flowers and burnt sticks of incense remained, while the Buddhist circle sat at the top of his headstone. My brother poured him a shot of tequila and took one with him since that was what they used to do together.
It was a very strange feeling for me...to be standing next to my brother at the grave of the man I hated the most in this life, knowing that I would never tell and destroy the friendship between he and my brother. A part of me wanted to be left alone to talk to him and finally put everything at rest. I don't feel afraid anymore, there is nothing more he can do to me. But I know there are still some lingering effects that I will never get over...including being unable to allow people to come up behind me.
The anger is gone. I feel he's already paid. Karmic justice has already been served, even if he took down four other lives with him.
My parting words were, "I forgive you."
I'm still trying to figure out if I really mean it and I think I do. Where before, there was so much anger, resentment, embarrassment, regret, shame...and on and on...I just feel a calm acceptance. The memory of our last meeting, where you gave me that sickening we-have-a-secret smile and-I-know-you'll-never-tell still brings a measure of resentment to the surface, but I know that there is nothing I can do to change it and that doesn't cause me any further frustration...just acknowledgment.
Afterwards, we went to visit Jake. The grave was still fresh. Grass hadn't yet grown over.
His family had been there, too. We peeked at the messages to Jake and poured him a shot of tequila.
Then the three of us girls laid down over his grave and we flashed him.
As in...lifted our shirts and flashed him. LOL.
We kissed his headstone and left.
Really, a very bizarre day but one I don't want to forget, hence my drive to document it here.
angeldreams135, spicketrot, TheDude (my brother), and I went to visit our fallen soldiers on Memorial Day. It was strange for more reasons than one.
First: My brother was with me and my friends.
Bizarro Universe. Seriously. And Angeldreams drove.
Second: What we were going to do was visit a cemetery. Together.
Weirdness.
Being there was like being thrown into a hedge maze. None of the letter or numbers made sense and we always ended up parking a long way away from where our intended headstones were. To make matters even more confusing, sometimes the numbers didn't go IN ORDER. Looking for section 19, we found that the little markers on the side of the road put 18 and 21 next to each other. WTF???
My brother and I went to visit "family." He'd served two years in Iraq and when he got out, he died a week later in a car accident overseas. He never made it home.
We saw that his family had already been there: flowers and burnt sticks of incense remained, while the Buddhist circle sat at the top of his headstone. My brother poured him a shot of tequila and took one with him since that was what they used to do together.
It was a very strange feeling for me...to be standing next to my brother at the grave of the man I hated the most in this life, knowing that I would never tell and destroy the friendship between he and my brother. A part of me wanted to be left alone to talk to him and finally put everything at rest. I don't feel afraid anymore, there is nothing more he can do to me. But I know there are still some lingering effects that I will never get over...including being unable to allow people to come up behind me.
The anger is gone. I feel he's already paid. Karmic justice has already been served, even if he took down four other lives with him.
My parting words were, "I forgive you."
I'm still trying to figure out if I really mean it and I think I do. Where before, there was so much anger, resentment, embarrassment, regret, shame...and on and on...I just feel a calm acceptance. The memory of our last meeting, where you gave me that sickening we-have-a-secret smile and-I-know-you'll-never-tell still brings a measure of resentment to the surface, but I know that there is nothing I can do to change it and that doesn't cause me any further frustration...just acknowledgment.
Afterwards, we went to visit Jake. The grave was still fresh. Grass hadn't yet grown over.
His family had been there, too. We peeked at the messages to Jake and poured him a shot of tequila.
Then the three of us girls laid down over his grave and we flashed him.
As in...lifted our shirts and flashed him. LOL.
We kissed his headstone and left.
Really, a very bizarre day but one I don't want to forget, hence my drive to document it here.