Happy New Year!
In Finland we tend to wish a happier New Year, as if we all know the current year has been a disaster and the only way is up.
In the past it would have been what I would say, but (surprise, surprise!) this year has been pretty good. After years of unemployment I got my first real long-term job. It's not quite what I wanted - I'm really just a glorified maid - but it's least better than the previous two ears spent at home, collecting unemployment benefits and sleeping 18 hours a day. I've learned to trust myself, I get along with all kinds of people, I can take criticism so much better than before and for the first time in my life I believe I could do better. But still, I hate my job.
Today I met my sister after work, went shopping for food and for once, cooked an actual meal for myself. I have to cook for at least for forty people daily and when I get home, I usually just make a sandwich or eat cereal... there seems to be no point in cooking for a just one person, even though I rarely eat at work.
I was recently diagnosed with gout, and after I got over the irrational fit of laughter I got angry. For years doctors have told me I'm just imagining the pain in my joints - granted, the people my age rarely suffer gout and I don't even eat most of the foods that trigger it. I did know the pain was real, I felt it, but after several doctors told me there was nothing wrong, I started to doubt myself and eventually I didn't even bother to mention it to the doctors. I feel so angry - had this been diagnosed earlier my joints wouldn't have been as much damaged as they are now. And the damage is permanent.
But if I wouldn't have gotten this job where I need to peel nd chop several pounds of vegetables each day (which of course hurts like hell), I wouldn't have bothered to complain about the pain and my joints would have been slowly destroyed. So even though this job was nothing I wanted, it's saved me from years of pain.
So this year has been pretty good even though at one point it seemed I couldn't make through it. And, well this post is really is proof I'm doing better, I can write without wanting to cry. In a couple of weeks I'll meet with a rheumatologist and we'll figure what's wrong and hopefully fix it.
In the past it would have been what I would say, but (surprise, surprise!) this year has been pretty good. After years of unemployment I got my first real long-term job. It's not quite what I wanted - I'm really just a glorified maid - but it's least better than the previous two ears spent at home, collecting unemployment benefits and sleeping 18 hours a day. I've learned to trust myself, I get along with all kinds of people, I can take criticism so much better than before and for the first time in my life I believe I could do better. But still, I hate my job.
Today I met my sister after work, went shopping for food and for once, cooked an actual meal for myself. I have to cook for at least for forty people daily and when I get home, I usually just make a sandwich or eat cereal... there seems to be no point in cooking for a just one person, even though I rarely eat at work.
I was recently diagnosed with gout, and after I got over the irrational fit of laughter I got angry. For years doctors have told me I'm just imagining the pain in my joints - granted, the people my age rarely suffer gout and I don't even eat most of the foods that trigger it. I did know the pain was real, I felt it, but after several doctors told me there was nothing wrong, I started to doubt myself and eventually I didn't even bother to mention it to the doctors. I feel so angry - had this been diagnosed earlier my joints wouldn't have been as much damaged as they are now. And the damage is permanent.
But if I wouldn't have gotten this job where I need to peel nd chop several pounds of vegetables each day (which of course hurts like hell), I wouldn't have bothered to complain about the pain and my joints would have been slowly destroyed. So even though this job was nothing I wanted, it's saved me from years of pain.
So this year has been pretty good even though at one point it seemed I couldn't make through it. And, well this post is really is proof I'm doing better, I can write without wanting to cry. In a couple of weeks I'll meet with a rheumatologist and we'll figure what's wrong and hopefully fix it.