Mommy, she's stealing my toys again
I was five years old when she was born. She was two months premature and so tiny. I remember staring at her in wonder trying to understand how this fragile little thing could be my sister. I fell in love the first time she opened her blue eyes and looked at my general direction. I knew I had to protect her.I thought I'd finally found someone who'd looked up to me the same way I looked up to my big brother. After a couple of weeks (days) she really started to bug me. Mom no longer had any time for me. Everyone kept fussing over my sister, talking about how small and pretty she was and I was completely ignored. I tried to hate her but she seemed to like me.
Time went by and she learned to do more than just eat and sleep and cry. Even though she had loads of toys, she always wanted to steal mine. And I had to just watch by as she chewed on my favourite doll, because I was a big girl and she was just a baby. And as big sister I was supposed to take care of their my sister and play with her, even though my friends were waiting outside.
When she was old enough to sleep in a real bed my parents decided we should share my room. And I knew that was sensible because she couldn't sleep in the kitchen. And when she had bad dreams I sang to her and told her stories because that was what big sisters do. When she left her toys in the middle of the floor I picked them up and put them away because she was just a baby and didn't know any better.
After school I picked her up from the day care and made her a snack and kept her company until mommy and daddy came home. And I let her draw on my school books and tried to not scream at her and hit her even though she broke my toys because she was too young to understand.
Soon after my mom left I was offered the chance to study a year abroad, but I couldn't accept it because someone had to take care of my sister and daddy. And I cooked dinner and did the laundry and helped her with her homework and worried, because that was what I was supposed to do. And I let her borrow my favourite cds and reminded my father he should buy her some new clothes and always made sure the onion was grated because she hated the texture of onion but liked the taste.
I looked after my grandparents for as long as I could because I knew she didn't like our grandfather and everyone else was just too busy. And when she spent all her money partying I made sure she got at least a few good meals.
And when her first boyfriend dumped her I let her stay with me and helped her to find an apartment.
And when she called me at the middle of the night I got up and made her a bed and gave her breakfast.
And I tried to be nice to her boyfriend even though I really hated him. (I hated all of them but tried so hard to not say anything because she was always so in love.)
And when her last boyfriend left her I let her stay with me for five months and made sure we always had food and cigarettes. And I tried to ignore her snoring and the fact my apartment is hardly big enough for one, because she's my sister and I love her. I even talked my best friend into subletting her apartment to her.
And when I met a guy I really liked for the first time in years I stood by as she went home with him.
And I know she never asked me for anything (except booze and cigarettes - but they don't really count) and I know she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but she's just too young to understand. She's my little sister and I'm supposed to let her play with all the best toys.
Dammit. I even sometimes let her watch the Bold and the Beautiful even though I hate soap operas, and really - that's the greatest sacrifice.
And I still worry.
Time went by and she learned to do more than just eat and sleep and cry. Even though she had loads of toys, she always wanted to steal mine. And I had to just watch by as she chewed on my favourite doll, because I was a big girl and she was just a baby. And as big sister I was supposed to take care of their my sister and play with her, even though my friends were waiting outside.
When she was old enough to sleep in a real bed my parents decided we should share my room. And I knew that was sensible because she couldn't sleep in the kitchen. And when she had bad dreams I sang to her and told her stories because that was what big sisters do. When she left her toys in the middle of the floor I picked them up and put them away because she was just a baby and didn't know any better.
After school I picked her up from the day care and made her a snack and kept her company until mommy and daddy came home. And I let her draw on my school books and tried to not scream at her and hit her even though she broke my toys because she was too young to understand.
Soon after my mom left I was offered the chance to study a year abroad, but I couldn't accept it because someone had to take care of my sister and daddy. And I cooked dinner and did the laundry and helped her with her homework and worried, because that was what I was supposed to do. And I let her borrow my favourite cds and reminded my father he should buy her some new clothes and always made sure the onion was grated because she hated the texture of onion but liked the taste.
I looked after my grandparents for as long as I could because I knew she didn't like our grandfather and everyone else was just too busy. And when she spent all her money partying I made sure she got at least a few good meals.
And when her first boyfriend dumped her I let her stay with me and helped her to find an apartment.
And when she called me at the middle of the night I got up and made her a bed and gave her breakfast.
And I tried to be nice to her boyfriend even though I really hated him. (I hated all of them but tried so hard to not say anything because she was always so in love.)
And when her last boyfriend left her I let her stay with me for five months and made sure we always had food and cigarettes. And I tried to ignore her snoring and the fact my apartment is hardly big enough for one, because she's my sister and I love her. I even talked my best friend into subletting her apartment to her.
And when I met a guy I really liked for the first time in years I stood by as she went home with him.
And I know she never asked me for anything (except booze and cigarettes - but they don't really count) and I know she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but she's just too young to understand. She's my little sister and I'm supposed to let her play with all the best toys.
Dammit. I even sometimes let her watch the Bold and the Beautiful even though I hate soap operas, and really - that's the greatest sacrifice.
And I still worry.