(no subject)
Just when I thought I was getting over all this shite. I was determined to think Mika's just another asshole who never really liked me in the first place, I was just an ass he could grab whenever he felt like it and joke about it. That made it easier for me to get over the loss. I felt hatred, and disappointment, something real vague.
And today I've cried about him leaving. Now I'm just plain sad. It's easy to explain and a beautiful feeling but sadness isn't that nice for longer periods of time.
Yesterday I was at Shell with Hilla and I heard him talk with a friend. He said he didn't only like my looks but also my personality. And it wasn't me who he said it to. He looked serious and rather sad. And later on when we were alone in Hilla's car he expressed how sorry he was for the fact that we'd got to know each other only now. "Now it's too late." I didn't quite know how to take it. Too late 'cause he's moving next week or too late 'cause he already met Teija? I felt way too weird. "Late? When should've we got to know each other then?" "A month ago, 2 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago..." I agreed but didn't feel like talking about it as crying was the last thing I wanted to do.
Then the other guy (they call him Pornohiiri, do not ask me why!) said I looked like I had a terrible burden on my shoulders. I said that's true. They made me explain why and I found myself opening up to the guys about my non-existant luck with men. Mika said I fall for the wrong guys. Then Hilla: "Mika's already taken." It was just a joke she hadn't thought through but it made Mika really suspicious and he tried to study Hilla's face to see if she meant what he thought she meant.
Then I had to say "Come on, you all know who I'm talking about here!". Mika asked me if I had a crush on Karppanen. I was surprised as at first I thought he hadn't thought I was interested in him after all. Then he specified his question and I realized what he meant was if I actually had a real crush. That made me think about it and I had to say I didn't know. As I'm trying to get rid of that son of a bitch. I want him out of my mind.
Today Hilla's taking me to Espoo to buy a new cell. I don't really need it but I want it and I have the money so I'll get it. It's one with a camera and I want to take pics at the Rammstein concert. No matter how bad quality they are compared to pics taken with an actual camera. I want shitty pics with my own cell rather than good pics with someone else's (=dad's) digicamera. Besides they wouldn't be good no matter how good a camera I had with me. I'm not a professional photographer.
Mika's coming with us. He absolutely wants to. He asked me if he could come along. I said it's Hilla's car so she's the one who decides. Of course I knew Hilla would let him come. He said I had my say as well. "I guess you can come." -- "I guess?" -- "Ok, you can come.".
My life's nothing but a big fucking mess. :/
And today I've cried about him leaving. Now I'm just plain sad. It's easy to explain and a beautiful feeling but sadness isn't that nice for longer periods of time.
Yesterday I was at Shell with Hilla and I heard him talk with a friend. He said he didn't only like my looks but also my personality. And it wasn't me who he said it to. He looked serious and rather sad. And later on when we were alone in Hilla's car he expressed how sorry he was for the fact that we'd got to know each other only now. "Now it's too late." I didn't quite know how to take it. Too late 'cause he's moving next week or too late 'cause he already met Teija? I felt way too weird. "Late? When should've we got to know each other then?" "A month ago, 2 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago..." I agreed but didn't feel like talking about it as crying was the last thing I wanted to do.
Then the other guy (they call him Pornohiiri, do not ask me why!) said I looked like I had a terrible burden on my shoulders. I said that's true. They made me explain why and I found myself opening up to the guys about my non-existant luck with men. Mika said I fall for the wrong guys. Then Hilla: "Mika's already taken." It was just a joke she hadn't thought through but it made Mika really suspicious and he tried to study Hilla's face to see if she meant what he thought she meant.
Then I had to say "Come on, you all know who I'm talking about here!". Mika asked me if I had a crush on Karppanen. I was surprised as at first I thought he hadn't thought I was interested in him after all. Then he specified his question and I realized what he meant was if I actually had a real crush. That made me think about it and I had to say I didn't know. As I'm trying to get rid of that son of a bitch. I want him out of my mind.
Today Hilla's taking me to Espoo to buy a new cell. I don't really need it but I want it and I have the money so I'll get it. It's one with a camera and I want to take pics at the Rammstein concert. No matter how bad quality they are compared to pics taken with an actual camera. I want shitty pics with my own cell rather than good pics with someone else's (=dad's) digicamera. Besides they wouldn't be good no matter how good a camera I had with me. I'm not a professional photographer.
Mika's coming with us. He absolutely wants to. He asked me if he could come along. I said it's Hilla's car so she's the one who decides. Of course I knew Hilla would let him come. He said I had my say as well. "I guess you can come." -- "I guess?" -- "Ok, you can come.".
My life's nothing but a big fucking mess. :/