"Everytime I start to believe, something's raped and taken from me"
If I'd had a shotgun yesterday I would've gone in Kurt Cobains's footsteps. I mean, there were a few very, very dark seconds when my mind was on the brink of losing it. I don't recall feeling any worse. The notorious Friday 13th was bad but at least I was drunk and could cry. With the tears a big part of my pain came out. Yesterday it only got stuck somewhere inside of me.
Mika's moving to Tampere. How ironic is that? Just when I'm getting to know him. Besides I feel like Karppanen has about 109 other chicks to choose from and that he couldn't possibly care less about me and what I feel. Yesterday when I went to Shell with Hilla Mika immediately put his arm around me and when Dani turned up behind me Mika said to him "Don't you steal my woman!". Karppanen was right there about 50 centimetres from us sitting in his car. Dani said to me "Oh look who's there" pointing his finger at K so that he just couldn't miss it. Then Dani started singing the theme for Love Boat. :'/ If/when they've (Suski and Dani for example) spoken to K about me in the same tone as they've spoken to me about him and he's said he couldn't care less then why do they just go on? What has he said?
Then they talked about beinf in Fortuna on Friday. They'd had loads of fun. I wasn't there. And with little imagination I can figure out something I really didn't want to know.
Why am I incapable of getting over him? I'll have to try harder. I don't want to want him but I do.
If I ever thought my life sucked then I knew nothing about crappy life until now.
I hate my life and I hate how people unintentionally break me and how everything, I repeat EVERYTHING, always turns to shit.
I need to replace my old dreams with new ones and that's one of the hardest things to do. How can I quit wanting the thing I've been wanting and dreaming of 24/7 for weeks. The new dreams don't seem worth it.
I'd like to be in a coma.
Mika's moving to Tampere. How ironic is that? Just when I'm getting to know him. Besides I feel like Karppanen has about 109 other chicks to choose from and that he couldn't possibly care less about me and what I feel. Yesterday when I went to Shell with Hilla Mika immediately put his arm around me and when Dani turned up behind me Mika said to him "Don't you steal my woman!". Karppanen was right there about 50 centimetres from us sitting in his car. Dani said to me "Oh look who's there" pointing his finger at K so that he just couldn't miss it. Then Dani started singing the theme for Love Boat. :'/ If/when they've (Suski and Dani for example) spoken to K about me in the same tone as they've spoken to me about him and he's said he couldn't care less then why do they just go on? What has he said?
Then they talked about beinf in Fortuna on Friday. They'd had loads of fun. I wasn't there. And with little imagination I can figure out something I really didn't want to know.
Why am I incapable of getting over him? I'll have to try harder. I don't want to want him but I do.
If I ever thought my life sucked then I knew nothing about crappy life until now.
I hate my life and I hate how people unintentionally break me and how everything, I repeat EVERYTHING, always turns to shit.
I need to replace my old dreams with new ones and that's one of the hardest things to do. How can I quit wanting the thing I've been wanting and dreaming of 24/7 for weeks. The new dreams don't seem worth it.
I'd like to be in a coma.