"Always practice safe coffee drinking, wear a Bongo Java condom."
Alright...it's been an interesting week.
School wise, last week sucked. I was so overwhelmed with everything and I jsut couldn't get caught up. So much stuff was going on and one thing after another kept bringing me down. I couldn't handle it, it was just too much.
We, as in all my friends, had planned for this big thing Friday night, we'd been planning for months. Well, for certain reasons it didn't work out and some adjustments were made. The Notebook with Steph, Lara and Coleman was great, I cried, she cried, we all cried. I need to watch it by myself though, let it all come out. Then it was off to the hockey game, we won. Took pictures of Coleman, found the foreign excahnge student, the usual. After wards left and spent the night. Had a wonderful time but feeling some regrets. I'm glad I didn't do what was proposed, I truly am. I know I would have regreted it. Even though I had fun I'm beginning to think that was too far as well. Now I'm jealous, upset, wanting too much and the cause of so much drama. If only I wasn't such a girl, I could let things go and that would be it. But I can't do that, everything means something and even though I say I don't want it, I think I do. So, I"m confused, everyone is mad, I hurt someone and I'm left with stares and a smile, but that's only when it's convenient.
Due to Friday's nights events, Saturday work schedule and trying to cath up on my sleep. It was 1 AM Monday morning and I still hadn't finished my homework. I got up late and freaked out. I asked my dad to go to the library to work for a while and that just started everything. Everything that I have been wanted to say to my dad for yeaars finally came out on one car ride.
-I hate Spanish
-I can't do it
-I don't know if this is what I want
-You push me too hard
-I think your dreams have become mine, so really, I have none
-I only do it to please you
-I'm never good enough for you
-I'm a big disappointment
-But admitting this means I'm failing
I don't know how long that conversation has been running through my head. But I've always been to afraid to say anything. There is still a lot more that needs to come out but this helped. We ended up getting coffee and talking for a while. Out of it I decided to drop AP Spanish and take it next year instead, not take AP Stat next year and opt for a study period and to quit my job. I already feel a wave of relief. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Besdies, now I can devote more time to Calc and actually pass that damn test. My dad thinks my "quality of life will improve" and Mrs. Riggar said " I know I"m too busy when I can't read a book for pleasure." I think that will be my new measurement of stress. I want to read because I want to, not because it's requiered.
There's still a lot more to say, but it's a start, a start that should definitely help.
I was supposed to go skiing this weekend. I'm going to stay home instead. Girls night seems appropiate, Meghan time as well. I was hoping to go out but now my hopes are up and it's not going to happen. I should have known. Now I feel like a stupid girl. Oh well, you learn.
So there is a lot going on but I think I'll make it.
School wise, last week sucked. I was so overwhelmed with everything and I jsut couldn't get caught up. So much stuff was going on and one thing after another kept bringing me down. I couldn't handle it, it was just too much.
We, as in all my friends, had planned for this big thing Friday night, we'd been planning for months. Well, for certain reasons it didn't work out and some adjustments were made. The Notebook with Steph, Lara and Coleman was great, I cried, she cried, we all cried. I need to watch it by myself though, let it all come out. Then it was off to the hockey game, we won. Took pictures of Coleman, found the foreign excahnge student, the usual. After wards left and spent the night. Had a wonderful time but feeling some regrets. I'm glad I didn't do what was proposed, I truly am. I know I would have regreted it. Even though I had fun I'm beginning to think that was too far as well. Now I'm jealous, upset, wanting too much and the cause of so much drama. If only I wasn't such a girl, I could let things go and that would be it. But I can't do that, everything means something and even though I say I don't want it, I think I do. So, I"m confused, everyone is mad, I hurt someone and I'm left with stares and a smile, but that's only when it's convenient.
Due to Friday's nights events, Saturday work schedule and trying to cath up on my sleep. It was 1 AM Monday morning and I still hadn't finished my homework. I got up late and freaked out. I asked my dad to go to the library to work for a while and that just started everything. Everything that I have been wanted to say to my dad for yeaars finally came out on one car ride.
-I hate Spanish
-I can't do it
-I don't know if this is what I want
-You push me too hard
-I think your dreams have become mine, so really, I have none
-I only do it to please you
-I'm never good enough for you
-I'm a big disappointment
-But admitting this means I'm failing
I don't know how long that conversation has been running through my head. But I've always been to afraid to say anything. There is still a lot more that needs to come out but this helped. We ended up getting coffee and talking for a while. Out of it I decided to drop AP Spanish and take it next year instead, not take AP Stat next year and opt for a study period and to quit my job. I already feel a wave of relief. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Besdies, now I can devote more time to Calc and actually pass that damn test. My dad thinks my "quality of life will improve" and Mrs. Riggar said " I know I"m too busy when I can't read a book for pleasure." I think that will be my new measurement of stress. I want to read because I want to, not because it's requiered.
There's still a lot more to say, but it's a start, a start that should definitely help.
I was supposed to go skiing this weekend. I'm going to stay home instead. Girls night seems appropiate, Meghan time as well. I was hoping to go out but now my hopes are up and it's not going to happen. I should have known. Now I feel like a stupid girl. Oh well, you learn.
So there is a lot going on but I think I'll make it.