Hoy
Today is May 15th.
May 15th.
3 Weeks.
21 Days.
I feel like I am just living. There is no emotion but that I am just here. I can't be sad because I might stay, but I can't be happy because I might not. If I can't my world will shatter, I haven't prepared myself for it. He told me to act like I will be here, so I am. If he takes that away from me, I don't even want to think about it.
I'm sick of being different, of being pushed around, of being torn away from everything I love. I don't even want to think about where they are right now. In the house, it's officially ours. The next three weeks are going to be pure hell. Catch up on all my work, take exams, go to Nationals, deal with a million emotions at once, talk to my parents again and then the dreaded June 7th.
The worst is...he's not coming with me. The one person I need more than anyone, doesn't want to come. June is going to suck. I'll be alone, thousands of miles away, in a place that I don't want to be, without everything and everyone I know and love.
Right now, if we get up there, I"m going to refuse to stay. This is horrible. For once I want to be happy and not have to conform to what they want. I have done that for sixteen years and it's about time that I stand up for myself and not let them ruin my life. I'll be there in two years. I said I would go to that school. It's just two years. We can make it. I want nothing more than to stay here. They can take everything else away from me but I hope that they don't take that.
I hate my life.
May 15th.
3 Weeks.
21 Days.
I feel like I am just living. There is no emotion but that I am just here. I can't be sad because I might stay, but I can't be happy because I might not. If I can't my world will shatter, I haven't prepared myself for it. He told me to act like I will be here, so I am. If he takes that away from me, I don't even want to think about it.
I'm sick of being different, of being pushed around, of being torn away from everything I love. I don't even want to think about where they are right now. In the house, it's officially ours. The next three weeks are going to be pure hell. Catch up on all my work, take exams, go to Nationals, deal with a million emotions at once, talk to my parents again and then the dreaded June 7th.
The worst is...he's not coming with me. The one person I need more than anyone, doesn't want to come. June is going to suck. I'll be alone, thousands of miles away, in a place that I don't want to be, without everything and everyone I know and love.
Right now, if we get up there, I"m going to refuse to stay. This is horrible. For once I want to be happy and not have to conform to what they want. I have done that for sixteen years and it's about time that I stand up for myself and not let them ruin my life. I'll be there in two years. I said I would go to that school. It's just two years. We can make it. I want nothing more than to stay here. They can take everything else away from me but I hope that they don't take that.
I hate my life.