I know...
I know that I am setting myself up for a major breakdown in a couple of months. Right now, I refuse to talk about the possibilty of me moving. I can't. If I mention it at school it is ebcause someone brings it up, not because I want to talk about it, believe me, I don't. Right now I am denying it so much to myself that I know when it comes to be June I am going to freak out becuase it is going to happen. My biggest fear, coming true. I hate this so much, it doesn't seem real. The worst part is that I was just talking to my dad and he said to me "In the long run this better for all of us." WHAT?! How can leaving the school of my dreams, the guy of my dreams, the place of my dreams, the best friends in the world, the best opprotunities, how is that good for me? I know it's better for my parents but I don't see one good thing that is coming out of this. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! I haven't even accepted it yet and I know that I am going to break down later on but right now I can't think about it becaue every time I do I start crying. This is horrible. My life has been shattered. When I am finally happy. I haven't been happy...EVER...and now that is being taken away for me. All I want is to stay and finish at Dreyfoos, Dreyfoos is everything I have ever wanted and know that is going to be gone. My last two years of high school are going to suck, it is going to be just like middle school where I wake up every morning dreading the day ahead of me. I don't want that, I can't take that and that is what lies ahead of me. I have to talk to them, I am going to end up typing up a three page letter telling them everything because they need to know. Even if it doens't change they need to know what this is doing to me. I am sick of sitting back and letting them make major changes in my life. I can't take this anymore. I can't do this, I really honestly can't.