Inconceivable
I couldn’t believe it, even when my sister told me.
“Are you sure? He actually said he was coming?” I asked.
“Yes! He’s scheduled the flight and everything.”
She was ecstatic; this was her wedding we were talking about. What daughter wouldn’t want her dad at her wedding? I meanwhile was hesitant. This was Dad, after-all. But I also wanted to believe, so I did. Kind-of.
.
Thus began the phone calls. Our family situation meant she wouldn’t have him walking her down the aisle - that honor went to my grandfather and uncles - but she still wanted him to be part of her special day. Where was he comfortable to sit? Did he want his name on the program? Would he be involved in the pictures?
One week before the wedding, he reserved a hotel room. This was it then; he was actually coming. The hesitance melted away as excitement began to fill my heart. Then came the nerves; this was the first time in 15 years I was actually going to see him in person. Would he like me? Would he be proud? Would we recognize each other?
The day of the rehearsal arrived. As we set up the barn where the ceremony would take place, my friend Jami pulled me aside and explained the plan. My sister, her fiancée and I would sneak away after the rehearsal to meet him for dinner. My sister had made reservations at his favorite restaurant. I asked if Jami would join us, for support.
All day my mind continued to fill with questions. What would we talk about? Should I hug him? Despite those questions, I began feeling excited. Why shouldn't I have been? I’m seeing my dad today!
The rehearsal dinner went without a hitch. Then, during desert, another phone call. He wasn’t coming. Said it was due to health issues; he didn’t feel flying would be good for him. It was his heart, he said, so he needed to save the money for possible medical costs.
His heart? Ironic, because it was ours which were breaking in that moment.
He was sorry, he continued. He hadn’t meant to lead on us like that, since he’d never actually said he was coming.
You should have seen this coming, my mind angerly scolded me. It was all the same crap as always, just wrapped in different packaging. But I’d bought the lies as always, thinking this time would be different. That he’d changed, and was actually making an effort. He actually gave a shit.
I should have seen it coming. But even then, I still couldn’t believe it.
written for therealljidol 8.5 “Inconceivable”
“Are you sure? He actually said he was coming?” I asked.
“Yes! He’s scheduled the flight and everything.”
She was ecstatic; this was her wedding we were talking about. What daughter wouldn’t want her dad at her wedding? I meanwhile was hesitant. This was Dad, after-all. But I also wanted to believe, so I did. Kind-of.
.
Thus began the phone calls. Our family situation meant she wouldn’t have him walking her down the aisle - that honor went to my grandfather and uncles - but she still wanted him to be part of her special day. Where was he comfortable to sit? Did he want his name on the program? Would he be involved in the pictures?
One week before the wedding, he reserved a hotel room. This was it then; he was actually coming. The hesitance melted away as excitement began to fill my heart. Then came the nerves; this was the first time in 15 years I was actually going to see him in person. Would he like me? Would he be proud? Would we recognize each other?
The day of the rehearsal arrived. As we set up the barn where the ceremony would take place, my friend Jami pulled me aside and explained the plan. My sister, her fiancée and I would sneak away after the rehearsal to meet him for dinner. My sister had made reservations at his favorite restaurant. I asked if Jami would join us, for support.
All day my mind continued to fill with questions. What would we talk about? Should I hug him? Despite those questions, I began feeling excited. Why shouldn't I have been? I’m seeing my dad today!
The rehearsal dinner went without a hitch. Then, during desert, another phone call. He wasn’t coming. Said it was due to health issues; he didn’t feel flying would be good for him. It was his heart, he said, so he needed to save the money for possible medical costs.
His heart? Ironic, because it was ours which were breaking in that moment.
He was sorry, he continued. He hadn’t meant to lead on us like that, since he’d never actually said he was coming.
You should have seen this coming, my mind angerly scolded me. It was all the same crap as always, just wrapped in different packaging. But I’d bought the lies as always, thinking this time would be different. That he’d changed, and was actually making an effort. He actually gave a shit.
I should have seen it coming. But even then, I still couldn’t believe it.
written for therealljidol 8.5 “Inconceivable”