What does narcissism have to do with me?
“Can we talk?”
I think you knew. You heard it in my voice. Knew that while I said “sure” to your request, I wasn’t really listening. I had things to do, places to go, people to see. The bus was waiting for me and I had to get there before it left.
You shrugged. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
“Okay. See ya.” And off we went in our different directions.
~ * ~ * ~
Your desk was empty the next morning in homeroom. I thought nothing of it, until I noticed Samantha* crying in the corner.
“What’s wrong?” I asked the girl behind me.
“You didn’t hear?” was the reply. “Sophia tried to kill herself last night.”
Not possible. Not you. Not the strongest person I knew. You're the leader; the one others went to for advice. The one on whom I’d depended for so long.
Yet her eyes were sincere. Yes, you.
The bell rang, signifying class was to begin, yet I ignored it. I ran to the bathroom, not bothering to get a hall pass first. Only stopped when I reached a stall. Sat down on the floor, chest heaving with sobs.
~ * ~ * ~
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
Those words. Our final exchange. You seeking me out and my automatic answer. What had you wanted to say? How important it was, I now realized. How important, and how quick I had in return been to dismiss it.
Why? Sophia, why...?
I pulled myself from the floor. Splashed my face with water. I don't understand. Sophia, I don't...
Looked up to find my reflection in the mirror. Anger comes as I stare at puffy eyes and a red nose, Anger, then disgust. Of course I didn't understand. How could I have, when I'd never even bothered to try? Too sucked into my own concerns to notice. Too busy to stop, as always.
The missed oppurtunity of my own design, now my burden to bear. It the thing which would haunt me for years. For in all the times when you were there for me, all the times you helped me with my problems, never once had I bothered to ask about yours.
written for therealljidol 8.4 “What does narcissism have to do with me?”
Technically this entry doesn't count because I failed to finish in time. Still wanted to go ahead and post it.
*names have been changed to protect privacy.