Sorry if this is all terribly obvious to some, but I've been struggling with this for a while
So with this 'promise' issue, I think that love affects people in different ways. For some it may be the very thing that we hope to define our life. All of those things we wish to accomplish--goals, ambitions, travel--are necessarily subservient to the lives we envision with a particular person. For others a deep, permanent love can't even be thought about until we've made sure we've lived and done things the way we want. The hard part is hoping that the love I share with someone else affects them the same way it affects me (i.e. willingness to sacrifice career, place to live, education even--some of the things that make many feel most individual and free).
I must admit that both ways of life (and the spectrum in between) seem pretty beautiful at different times. I thus don't think I can personally begin to relate or even understand the decisions of others in determining the course of their life in love, because what it provokes varies in manifold ways, all equally valid. Thus is my current explanation on love, which is subject to constant whims and flights of imagination and infatuation. Maybe you should ask me again in five minutes.
In a way it reminds me of religious fervor. I discussed with someone what an amazing thing it is to see someone who is absolutely certain of their future in the afterlife; they will be in heaven, for example, and as a result genuinely have no fear of the daily happenings that plague the thoughts of so many others in their scheme of existence. I think it's really beautiful, in fact, and have at times wished I had that religious assuredness and total faith in something other than myself. The person I was talking to made a pretty strong case, though, for this kind of absolute certainty being one of the highest forms of hubris and total blindness to the fact that things are constantly changing...and how can you possibly thing you have some sort of absolute knowledge of where you stand (he also included a fairly interesting assessment of predestination to show this). Maybe with love, also; how can you be so sure as to begin to dedicate your entire existence to this person, to make every sacrifice; what if that's one of the ultimate expressions of ate in this life.
I sure as hell don't really believe that though. With love right now I think I'll just have to accept that it causes people to live out their lives in completely dissimilar ways, whether it is total devotion and sacrifice, an intense but passing moment, or finding each other after years of independence. Now I just have to figure out how it affects me.