(no subject)
i love life.
and i have good friends. and i make good decisions. and i dont know what im doing half the time. but i know its all happening for a reason. i know im learning more about myself. i know im growing up. i know im smart, even though i may not act like it most of the time. i even know that deep down i really am beautiful, despite all my flaws.
it wasnt long ago when i found beauty in peoples flaws. in my own flaws.
whatever happened to that?
it wasnt long ago when tallahassee didnt feel like home. and now i go back to orlando and that doesnt feel like home. no where feels like home really. i feel out of place everywhere.
and i kinda like it that way.
but when im in tally i say "lets go home" and i mean my bedroom here. the yellow/orangish painted room with my bob marley poster and pictures of the friends i dont talk to anymore. and now i say in two weeks, im going home. to orlando. where my family and the boy i havent talked to in almost two weeks is. but the word home doesnt mean anything. your home can be anywhere. as long as you have people you feel comfortable with. i feel at home in jacksonville. tampa. and pretty soon martin county. i feel at home at the beach. in any type of water really. or in your arms. but maybe im mistaking home for safe. maybe they're the same thing.
i need a haircut and a doctors appointment when i go home. and a fresh shower...and a good homecooked meal made by dad. i need good friends and a boy that really cares about me. because there always has to be a boy that really cares about me.
thats my problem. maybe thats why i dont feel at home here. or there. or anywhere really. but the idea of that is really pretty sad. but theres a lot of truth to it. for a lot of people i think.
i like seeing how everything works out. i like sleeping till noon and being too tired to do anything else except play super nintendo all day.
and watch the US win in the world cup.
and feeling completely content with having just enough energy to sit back and watch things happen.
and i have good friends. and i make good decisions. and i dont know what im doing half the time. but i know its all happening for a reason. i know im learning more about myself. i know im growing up. i know im smart, even though i may not act like it most of the time. i even know that deep down i really am beautiful, despite all my flaws.
it wasnt long ago when i found beauty in peoples flaws. in my own flaws.
whatever happened to that?
it wasnt long ago when tallahassee didnt feel like home. and now i go back to orlando and that doesnt feel like home. no where feels like home really. i feel out of place everywhere.
and i kinda like it that way.
but when im in tally i say "lets go home" and i mean my bedroom here. the yellow/orangish painted room with my bob marley poster and pictures of the friends i dont talk to anymore. and now i say in two weeks, im going home. to orlando. where my family and the boy i havent talked to in almost two weeks is. but the word home doesnt mean anything. your home can be anywhere. as long as you have people you feel comfortable with. i feel at home in jacksonville. tampa. and pretty soon martin county. i feel at home at the beach. in any type of water really. or in your arms. but maybe im mistaking home for safe. maybe they're the same thing.
i need a haircut and a doctors appointment when i go home. and a fresh shower...and a good homecooked meal made by dad. i need good friends and a boy that really cares about me. because there always has to be a boy that really cares about me.
thats my problem. maybe thats why i dont feel at home here. or there. or anywhere really. but the idea of that is really pretty sad. but theres a lot of truth to it. for a lot of people i think.
i like seeing how everything works out. i like sleeping till noon and being too tired to do anything else except play super nintendo all day.
and watch the US win in the world cup.
and feeling completely content with having just enough energy to sit back and watch things happen.