(no subject)
Im not going to mess it up this time im not going to push him away i just hope its not to late but i am stopping myself right now im not gonna fuck up the best thing in my life.
dont you sometimes wish that you just knew what to do and when to do it and that it was that easy i do. i hate that i can only see what im doing in hind sight but i hpe i can fix it i hope i can make us better and show him that i will do better but he has to get sick of me saying i will do better but this time i am changing for good i dont know why i do stuff that i know pushes him away im stupid. i dont think but thats changing right fuckin now cause i cant lose him i will die i cant i cant i cant.
i wish things could be easier and better.
i wish i could make him happy all the time he doesnt deserve to feel bad i just want to make him better he can always make me feel better i wish i could do the same for him.
i wish i could see him tonight before i left and hold him just once more before i leave but when i get back everything will change i wont be clingy i wont be insecure and paranoid his friends are his friends and thats fine there is no reason i should want to change that i am not. im not gonna cry for no reason and if i start i will keep it to myself bc i dont need to worry him with it i need to learn to deal on my own anyways. why should he have to be there 24/7 to catch me as i trip constantly fro a month he shouldnt he wont. he makes me happy and i NEED him here.
dont you sometimes wish that you just knew what to do and when to do it and that it was that easy i do. i hate that i can only see what im doing in hind sight but i hpe i can fix it i hope i can make us better and show him that i will do better but he has to get sick of me saying i will do better but this time i am changing for good i dont know why i do stuff that i know pushes him away im stupid. i dont think but thats changing right fuckin now cause i cant lose him i will die i cant i cant i cant.
i wish things could be easier and better.
i wish i could make him happy all the time he doesnt deserve to feel bad i just want to make him better he can always make me feel better i wish i could do the same for him.
i wish i could see him tonight before i left and hold him just once more before i leave but when i get back everything will change i wont be clingy i wont be insecure and paranoid his friends are his friends and thats fine there is no reason i should want to change that i am not. im not gonna cry for no reason and if i start i will keep it to myself bc i dont need to worry him with it i need to learn to deal on my own anyways. why should he have to be there 24/7 to catch me as i trip constantly fro a month he shouldnt he wont. he makes me happy and i NEED him here.