Heartbreak....
It has been a while and as always it seems I retreat to this livejournal when I cannot say what I want to say on my site for various reasons.
Well this time it is to voice my anger at being dumped maybe that is not the right word to use as it seems that there was only one person in any sort of relationship and that was me! The girl I met at the end of July, Katherine who I called my girlfriend did not think of me as her boyfriend and I ask myself whether she ever did or was she only telling me what I wanted to hear.
To be honest I knew there was a change in how we were or more importantly in how she thought of me and have been trying to pin point a particular day or period of time in which I first started to have my doubts and think I can put it back to the start of September. So if you consider that we first met at the cinema on the 28th July and I think we hit problems only a month later, been trying to work it out and I think we would have only met a few times before things went wrong and I do wonder if it was something I did or something I did not do.
After talking to her over the past few months I did pick up some hints that should have told me something was wrong and being scared of losing what I had (or what I thought I had) I tried to ignore the dark feelings that were nibbling at my mind and hoped that they would just go away of course they never did go away they just played on my mind sometimes she would say or do something that would ease these feelings and I would carry on blissfully unaware that there was a problem. Maybe the comments that she did not need a man to make her life complete should have prompted me to find out where I stood but no I listened to stories about all her ex’s and found myself keeping mental notes about names and how long they were together and again noticed a pattern building up with a different person every couple of weeks. That must sound pretty bad and I don’t really want it to sound like that as she is 24 and must have a past but when your driving thought a housing estate and she tells me that she used to go out with different people and reels off a list of them.
I did tell a friend and some one at work about her before anyone else and they both know a lot more about what has been happening than I will mention here and both of them gave me the same advice about finding out where I stood and either ask for some commitment or get rid of her.
No doubt this is not the last post on this subject that I will be making as I want to see her and ask her some questions, I have been wondering if this is a good idea. I really do want some closure to this and have been wondering what questions to ask, any suggestions?
We have said that we will try to remain friends but I really don’t know how long this can be maintained for, already there has been a major cut back in communication as we have stopped txting each other and what happens when she meets someone new?
Well this time it is to voice my anger at being dumped maybe that is not the right word to use as it seems that there was only one person in any sort of relationship and that was me! The girl I met at the end of July, Katherine who I called my girlfriend did not think of me as her boyfriend and I ask myself whether she ever did or was she only telling me what I wanted to hear.
To be honest I knew there was a change in how we were or more importantly in how she thought of me and have been trying to pin point a particular day or period of time in which I first started to have my doubts and think I can put it back to the start of September. So if you consider that we first met at the cinema on the 28th July and I think we hit problems only a month later, been trying to work it out and I think we would have only met a few times before things went wrong and I do wonder if it was something I did or something I did not do.
After talking to her over the past few months I did pick up some hints that should have told me something was wrong and being scared of losing what I had (or what I thought I had) I tried to ignore the dark feelings that were nibbling at my mind and hoped that they would just go away of course they never did go away they just played on my mind sometimes she would say or do something that would ease these feelings and I would carry on blissfully unaware that there was a problem. Maybe the comments that she did not need a man to make her life complete should have prompted me to find out where I stood but no I listened to stories about all her ex’s and found myself keeping mental notes about names and how long they were together and again noticed a pattern building up with a different person every couple of weeks. That must sound pretty bad and I don’t really want it to sound like that as she is 24 and must have a past but when your driving thought a housing estate and she tells me that she used to go out with different people and reels off a list of them.
I did tell a friend and some one at work about her before anyone else and they both know a lot more about what has been happening than I will mention here and both of them gave me the same advice about finding out where I stood and either ask for some commitment or get rid of her.
No doubt this is not the last post on this subject that I will be making as I want to see her and ask her some questions, I have been wondering if this is a good idea. I really do want some closure to this and have been wondering what questions to ask, any suggestions?
We have said that we will try to remain friends but I really don’t know how long this can be maintained for, already there has been a major cut back in communication as we have stopped txting each other and what happens when she meets someone new?