Life
I haven't updated in months, probably years... I've been unemployed for 9 1/2 months now. It sucks. as of a few weeks ago, I'm no longer paying my own bills, I've had to ask for parental assistance, which they're happy to give, but makes me feel like complete shit. I'm worthless, officially. I'm in a particularly bad moment of being down on myself, because yet another possible job opportunity turned me down today. "another applicant more closely matched our needs". WTF is wrong with me? Why can't I get a fucking job? I couldn't begin to explain how it feels to sit around the house day in and day out while everyone else is earning a living. On the other hand, I completely appreciate that my parents are there for me and won't let me lose my house. Without them, right now I'd be in my first month of mortgage free living before eventually entering the foreclosure process.
Feeling completely worthless is certainly not helping my self esteem or my dating life either... Hell, I've even put on 20 lbs. by sitting around the house. I'm trying to be more active, a long walk here, a bike ride there, even a few workout DVDs. good for me, but it doesn't add up to the calories burned while working at least 40 hours per week.
I think I'm having a bit of an emotional breakdown this evening... Some of the friends I've known the longest think I'm SO strong because I never let them see that something's bothering me. I never ask for help. I wish I never needed it. I'm usually a support block for my friends to lean on, and that'll never change, but today I feel like I can't even hold myself up... And I hate it.
Feeling completely worthless is certainly not helping my self esteem or my dating life either... Hell, I've even put on 20 lbs. by sitting around the house. I'm trying to be more active, a long walk here, a bike ride there, even a few workout DVDs. good for me, but it doesn't add up to the calories burned while working at least 40 hours per week.
I think I'm having a bit of an emotional breakdown this evening... Some of the friends I've known the longest think I'm SO strong because I never let them see that something's bothering me. I never ask for help. I wish I never needed it. I'm usually a support block for my friends to lean on, and that'll never change, but today I feel like I can't even hold myself up... And I hate it.