Virility Island (BAP AU): Chapter 8

[leejaehwa7]

Title: Virility Island
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BAP
Pairing: focus!Daehyun, (eventual!DaeJae), (Yongguk/Himchan, Jongup/Junhong)
Chapter: 8/?
Rating: PG (at the moment)
Warnings: mentions of mpreg
Summary: Virility Island is an experimental community and holds what might be considered the highest breed of humankind. Current resident Daehyun feels inadequate not being able to find his match within the community. He’s not sure he can accept the life he’s expected to lead; there has to be something more.

A/N: I don't even know what to say about this. Please enjoy.


Previous: ( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 2 ) ( Chapter 3 )( Chapter 4 ) ( Chapter 5 ) ( Chapter 6 ) ( Chapter 7 )

Daehyun and Youngjae stare at one another for a long awkward moment after Daehyun’s confession. Youngjae is pretty sure he knows whom Daehyun is referring to when he said he’d found what he’d been looking for, but a part of him wonders if he’s reading too much into this. His emotions have been out of whack for the past few weeks and he knows it all started after Daehyun came into his life, but a part of him wants to deny everything, to tell himself that Daehyun’s not talking about him and that he shouldn’t even be remotely excited at the possibility that he’s the one Daehyun’s looking for. He doesn’t know how to cope with caring for someone as much as he does for Daehyun. He doesn’t understand the feelings he has for him because these feelings aren’t anything like the ones he’s had for the girls he’s messed around with; those were purely sexual and the urges he feels around Daehyun are nothing like those.

It’s weird for Youngjae to put his feelings into words because the adjectives used to describe the emotions running through his body are words that he never uses with anyone. He can’t stop the words from forming though. No matter how hard he tries, they still appear. He likes Daehyun. He really likes him, maybe in a way that’s much stronger than a person’s normal adoration for another person. He’s afraid to classify it as love because he believes that love is something formed over time, something that shouldn’t be thrown around easily. He thinks love at first sight is a joke. Well, he did until Daehyun came along, but he still wants to deny the fact that love may be what he’s feeling right now because he’s known Daehyun for less than a month; actually, it’s hardly been a week, but it feels so much longer.

Honestly, Youngjae thinks that whatever he feels for Daehyun may even be something much stronger and deeper than love, something so primal that most people have forgotten it over time and Youngjae’s feeling it in a manner so strong he can’t ignore it. It’s like this natural instinct has slowly taken over him and fed into his mind that Daehyun is the person he’s been looking for and honestly, he didn’t even know he was looking for someone, but he knows it now that he’s finally found him.

Daehyun clears his throat, catching Youngjae’s attention as he turns back towards the stove to busy himself with food preparations. “It’s okay,” he says. “I know people here are different. I know males here are supposed to be attracted to females. I know you don’t believe in perfect matches and only ever having that one true partner, but I do and after so long, I’ve finally found mine.” He pauses, simply staring at the bubbling pot before him, watching at the steam rises in wisps and swirls. Daehyun hadn’t planned on confessing this soon. He’s nowhere near prepared enough mentally for Youngjae’s response and he’s terrified of being rejected, but he’s already said too much to stop now.

“You’re my perfect match Youngjae.”

The confession hangs in the air as Youngjae silently stares at Daehyun’s back. He’s received the clarification he wanted without having to ask for it and now that he has it he isn’t sure what to say in response. Deep down he wants to accept, to say he believes Daehyun, to say he understands and that he feels the same way, but he’s scared. This is a whole new concept for Youngjae, one that changes his entire value system. His mind is in conflict with his heart and all his life he’s been taught to think things through, to use his better judgment, to reason things out before jumping into a situation. In the little time that his father has spent with him over the years, he’s drilled one concept into Youngjae and that’s to judge each situation with his mind rather than his heart to ensure that he always makes the best decision. He wants Youngjae to be cautious rather than impulsive so that he will always reap the benefits of his decision. Youngjae thinks this concept may have something to do with the loss of his mother and how harshly his father was affected by it, but he’s always followed the rule, thinking critically before he ever makes a decision; that is until the night he met Daehyun and decided to throw caution to the wind. Again, everything that’s changed in him is all because of Daehyun and that thought alone is terrifying.

“How do you know it’s me?” Youngjae finally asks because he doesn’t want to get stuck in his thoughts again.

“It’s a feeling,” Daehyun replies. “From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were the one. I just…my entire being felt drawn to you. I don’t really know how to explain it because using terms like gravity or magnetism wouldn’t do it justice. When you feel it, you just know.”

Youngjae does know, but to admit it would be venturing into uncharted territory and Youngjae’s always been kind of a coward when it comes to stepping out of his comfort zone. He likes to stick with what he knows, always thinking things through with his overly critical mind. He likes to keep a safe distance from people, guarding his emotions so that he doesn’t get hurt. Even with his closest friends, he hardly lets them in, only just enough to consider them friends without really letting them know his true self, but with Daehyun he’s finding it difficult to continue in this fashion. He’s obviously attracted to the guy and is beyond curious about the mystery that he carries with him, but Youngjae still needs time to figure things out. He’s always thought it was strange the way he just let Daehyun into his life, but he doesn’t want to jump further into this relationship without truly evaluating his emotions.

“What happens now?” Youngjae asks.

Daehyun finally turns around again, eyes focusing on the countertop instead of Youngjae. He’s afraid to make eye contact, fearful of what he might find if he looks at the person he just confessed to. “You’re supposed to give me a response. Traditionally, I make the proposal but it’s up to you to agree or disagree with the match.”

“If I disagree,” Youngjae begins, causing Daehyun to snap his eyes up for a brief moment, revealing a look of pain and loneliness. “What happens?”

Daehyun clears his throat, fiddling with his sweater’s sleeves as he answers, “I start looking for someone else.” His usually muffled voice sounds even lower as he speaks. “I probably won’t find anyone though.”

Youngjae feels horrible for making Daehyun upset with his hypothetical question. It’s not that he wants to reject Daehyun, he just feels that he needs more time to think this over because Daehyun’s talking about forever and it sounds so much more definite than the forever that couples he knows speak of. “Can I think about it?”

“What?” Daehyun sounds hopeful as he raises his eyes.

“Well, it’s a big deal and I was thinking we should probably get to know each other better before making any big decisions. I need to figure out how I feel about all of this.” Youngjae gives him a small smile. “I know your not used to these sorts of things, but…”

“It’s okay,” Daehyun interrupts, much to excited at the aspect of getting closer to Youngjae to let this opportunity go by. “I understand. I’d like to get to know more about you too,” he says shyly. “I know your customs are different here when couples get together and I don’t mind doing the dating thing because yesterday was kind of fun and I’m just happy you’re giving me a chance.”

Youngjae nods. “I guess that settles it then.”

They fall into another drawn out silence as Youngjae mulls over everything that just happened and how quickly one simple conversation changed everything between the two of them. He’s not sure what he expected, but the idea of dating a guy isn’t as repulsive as he would have thought it would be. If a guy had confessed to him years ago, he would have probably punched him in the face and called him an ugly name, but with Daehyun, he can only feel a sense of longing and a desire to make the other happy. When he even suggested rejecting him, Youngjae felt miserable seeing how dejected Daehyun looked. He doesn’t want to hurt him. He doesn’t want Daehyun to feel alone anymore and maybe, Youngjae also wants someone to make him feel less lonely as well. Daehyun’s already become a regular part of Youngjae’s life in such a short period of time that he thinks it will feel strange to not come home and see him, to not be able to eat meals with him anymore, to not be able to just sit and enjoy each other’s company.

Before Youngjae realizes it, Daehyun has the food served and he’s pulling himself up on the barstool next to Youngjae’s. “This smells amazing,” he says inspecting his bowl of steaming stew.

“I hope you like it.” Daehyun’s eyes curve and Youngjae wishes he could actually see what Daehyun looks like when he smiles.

They both dig in, cooling their meals before shoveling spoonfuls of meat and vegetables into their mouths. To Youngjae’s delight, the food tastes just as good as it smells or maybe even better because Daehyun made it for them. He hasn’t had a home cooked meal in ages and this is better than he remembers. He thinks he could get used to this sort of thing.

“This is delicious,” he says, looking over at Daehyun who’s sneaking spoonfuls of food under his mask. Without thinking, he asks, “Why don’t you just take it off?”

Daehyun shakes his head somewhat exasperated and a bit amused. “I’ll take it off when we’re official.”

“You say that like it’s a definite thing.” Youngjae laughs.

Daehyun turns in his seat to face Youngjae head-on. Feeling a bit more confident now that his secrets out, Daehyun says, “I’ve been waiting a long time to find you. I’m not just going to let you slip away so easily. I’ve already told you. You’re the one.”

Youngjae’s mouth goes dry at Daehyun’s sudden forwardness and he almost chokes on a potato. As many girls as Youngjae’s had hanging all over him, none of them have ever confessed in such a direct manner and Daehyun’s sincerity is strong enough to knock through whatever barriers Youngjae has around his heart. He doesn’t think he’ll last very long with this dating charade that he’s proposed. Gulping, Youngjae chooses not to say anything as he focuses on the delicious food before him. He doesn’t want to think about Daehyun too much right now because he can only see it leading to one result and that’s not something his heart’s ready for.

When they finish eating, Daehyun tells Youngjae to go wash up while he does the dishes and honestly, Youngjae’s glad to have the time apart to clear his mind. Of course, the whole time he’s in the shower he can’t stop thinking about Daehyun and how much closer they became today. Once he’s out, it’s Daehyun’s turn to wash up which only means Youngjae has even more time to think about Daehyun. It isn’t until they’re both comfortably settled into Youngjae’s bed later on that Youngjae’s mind has calmed and he feels he can relax, which is weird considering how close he is to Daehyun.

“What are we doing tomorrow? Are we going on another date?” Daehyun asks seemingly out of nowhere, but Youngjae thinks it must have been on the other’s mind since the whole talk about them dating.

“Do you want to go on a date?”

“It’s okay if it’s not a date. I just want to spend time with you,” Daehyun says, smiling bashfully behind his mask.

“Where would you like to go then? Everything I suggested ended up as a complete failure today.” Youngjae frowns as he gazes over at Daehyun.

“It wasn’t that bad. I learned a lot and experienced new things,” he says, trying to soothe the other.

“I guess something relaxing would be nice,” Youngjae muses. “Do you want to spend time inside or out?”

Daehyun hums. “I think maybe outside. I really enjoyed the park.”

Youngjae thinks for a moment of all the things they could do outside. It’s too cold to really enjoy the beach and Youngjae doesn’t feel like going hiking because honestly, he doesn’t really enjoy nature that much, but being outside would require some walking. “Do you like animals?” he asks.

“I love animals.” Daehyun’s eyes light up a bit.

“Then would you like to go to the zoo?”

Daehyun frowns, forehead wrinkling in confusion. “What’s a zoo? I know the prefix refers to animals but your talking as if a zoo is a place you can go.”

“You’ve never been to a zoo?” Youngjae asks incredulously.

Daehyun shakes his head, rubbing it against his pillow because he’s too tired to lift it.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have a zoo on your island.” Youngjae stares in wonder.

“We have many animals on the island,” Daehyun says slightly confused.

“Yeah, but do you have a place to go to observe all of them? You know like an enclosed space with many animals from all over the world.”

Daehyun furrows his brows, the wrinkle deepening between his brows. “We observe the animals in their natural habitats. We do not keep them enclosed.”

“Okay.” Youngjae lightly drops his hand against the space on the bed between them like it’s a gavel and he’s making a final ruling. “We should go to the zoo.” He pauses for a moment as he realizes a very important fact. “The best zoo is over four hours away by car. We would have to leave really early in the morning if we wanted to make a day of it and that would make it really late for us getting home. Traveling that much is really tiring in one day. What do you think about us staying over night?” Youngjae rambles as he props himself up on his elbow and looks over at Daehyun with excitement glossing his eyes. “If we go to Seoul, there are many things we can do and it’s getting close to Christmas so there are a lot of holiday events. We could check out a few museums and I can take you sightseeing. Have you ever been to an amusement park? Probably not, huh? Well, we can go to Lotte World and ride all the rides. It’ll be so much fun.”

Daehyun doesn’t understand most of what Youngjae is talking about, but that’s nothing new, so he just nods his head and decides to go along with everything. He figures it doesn’t matter what they do as long as they’re together and the museum bit seems interesting because Daehyun’s always loved looking at artifacts and studying history. “Sounds like fun,” he says and Youngjae can tell he’s smiling again behind his mask, if only he could see it.

The next morning Youngjae wakes up rather early to find himself alone in bed. The faint smell of food wafting through the apartment is enough to let him know exactly what Daehyun is up to. For a moment, Youngjae doesn’t want to move from his spot beneath the warm covers, debating on whether or not he should get some more sleep. Before Daehyun arrived, Youngjae liked to sleep well into the afternoon on the weekends because he usually spent his nights out with friends and spent the entire next day recovering.

As he remains in bed, he closes his eyes and lets thoughts of the previous day pass through his mind, cringing internally at his failure regarding the movies, but then again the experience allowed him to learn more about Daehyun. He’s obviously sensitive towards death and gore. On the other hand, Daehyun seemed fascinated by the movie itself and maybe if they were to watch something else he probably would find it enjoyable. Youngjae has a few Disney movies in mind that he would like to see Daehyun’s reactions to.

Looking over at the clock, Youngjae notices that it’s barely five, which causes him to groan because he’s never even gotten up this early for school and the four hour drive ahead of them isn’t looking very appealing. They still have to pack and they’re not exactly sure how many days they will be gone. Youngjae’s not exactly worried about though because he can always buy them more clothes if they need anything.

Deciding not to prolong his waking any longer, Youngjae finally decides to roll out of bed and shuffle into his slippers then down the hall and into the kitchen. He finds Daehyun working ardently in front of the stove, one hand on the handle of a frying pan with the other gripping a spatula. He’s so focused he doesn’t notice Youngjae come in and a take a seat on one of the barstools. Youngjae simply watches him for a while, enjoying the way Daehyun moves in determination as he tosses various vegetables into the pan. It isn’t until Daehyun turns to the refrigerator to retrieve some eggs that he finally realizes he has company.

Clutching the door of the refrigerator, Daehyun holds himself up as he scolds Youngjae. “Don’t sneak up on me like that. You’re as bad as my brother.”

“Sorry.” Youngjae grins sleepily as he rests his head on the bar, not really feeling sorry at all because he finds the way Daehyun’s eyes widened in shock to be rather amusing.

“You could have slept longer,” Daehyun says, finally pulling out the eggs and placing them on the counter next to the stove, cracking the carton open to reveal a dozen untouched shells. “I was going to wake you when I finished cooking.” He stirs the contents in the pan to make sure nothing’s sticking to the bottom.

“It’s fine,” Youngjae yawns tiredly. “I couldn’t get back to sleep anyway. Believe me, I tried.”

“Why not?” Daehyun asks curiously, staring at the food and thinking about whether or not he should add the eggs yet. He’s making pork fried rice using the leftover rice from dinner. It’s a filling and easy meal to make so early in the morning and he wants to use up most of the vegetables since they’re going away. He doesn’t want to waste food.

“I don’t know.” Youngjae smushes his face into his arms, muffling his raspy morning voice a bit. “The bed felt kind of empty. I was lonely without you.” After saying these words, he groans in embarrassment while trying to bury his face further in his arms, somewhat unable to believe he just said that. He blames it on the fact that he’s sleep-deprived which addled his brain.

Daehyun makes no comment as he dishes out two steaming plates of food. He happily eats beside Youngjae as the latter contemplates falling face first into his delicious meal in hopes of making himself and Daehyun forget the ridiculous words he said by displaying another embarrassing act.

After breakfast he doesn’t have much time to dwell on his embarrassment because they have to pack for their impromptu vacation. Youngjae decides a weeks worth of clothes should be enough and he can always buy them something during the trip if they need it. After all, they are going to a city with tons of shopping districts and Daehyun needs more clothes anyway, so this will be a good opportunity to go shopping. The four outfits he bought can be easily mixed and matched but with the weather changing, Youngjae wants to provide Daehyun with warmer outfit choices. For now, Daehyun dons his blue button up and charcoal jeans, borrowing a warm black peacoat from Youngjae to wear outside. Daehyun attempts to refuse the offered coat at first, but Youngjae says something about it being cold enough for snow and tells Daehyun they wouldn’t leave until he put it on. Of course, Daehyun obliges him and they eventually make their way to Youngjae’s car while rolling a rather large suitcase, containing both of their clothes, along with them.

The car ride seems to go on forever. At first, Daehyun watches everything pass by with great interest, completely fascinated by the construction of the city and the sheer number of people and cars moving along the streets. Even as they enter the highway, Daehyun enjoys the scenery of the hibernating, brown, leafless trees and the vast amount of land surrounding them. He can’t help thinking about how large the world truly is in comparison to his tiny island. The thriving population he sees is nothing like what he expected. This world is nowhere close to ending and there are an infinite number of things that Daehyun has yet to understand and so much more he wants to explore. Seeing this country and its people has only made Daehyun realize that he knows far less than he thought he did. Being the smartest in his class is of little significance in terms to the amount of knowledge he has yet to obtain about the outside world.

About halfway through the trip, Daehyun finds himself growing weary of being in the car. His legs are cramped, his butt is numb, and the constant motion is making his feel lightheaded. Youngjae seems to feel the same because he decides to make a detour and take a break at the next rest stop. Daehyun climbs out of the car, stretching gratefully as Youngjae does the same. They pick up a snack at the convenience store deciding to eat at one of the picnic tables offered for weary travelers.

“Are you having fun yet?” Youngjae asks sarcastically.

Daehyun chooses to ignore the tone in his voice as he answers, “Yes. I’m having a great time.”

“Really?” Youngjae looks over at him in surprise.

Daehyun nods as he takes a sip of his fruity, melon-flavored drink. “I’ve never been on a trip like this before. I’ll admit I’m tired of being in the car, but I’m excited about going somewhere new.”

“You sound like a kid going on vacation for the first time,” Youngjae teases, bumping shoulders with Daehyun. “I’m glad you’re enjoying this.”

Daehyun grins, staring across the parking lot as a family of four exits their car, two males and two females accompanied by a tiny dog. Daehyun stares at the creature for a while because he thinks it’s a dog but he’s not sure because he’s never seen this species before. Nonetheless, he thinks it’s cute and it reminds him that they’re on their way to a zoo to see many animals. He wonders how many foreign creatures he will see and what kinds of animals this place has that the island doesn’t. Just thinking about it gets him excited enough to usher Youngjae back into the car so that they can move forward on this trip.

It’s almost eleven when they finally make it to zoo. They could’ve checked into the hotel first but Youngjae thought Daehyun looked much too enthused about going to the zoo to make him wait any longer than necessary. Considering it’s a Sunday, the park is already filled with families and small children who arrived early to enjoy the wildlife and great outdoors even in this brisk weather.

As they make their way to the entrance, Youngjae guides Daehyun to the ticket counter so they can purchase the surprisingly cheap tickets to enter the park. They pass through a large wooden shelter to make their way through the entrance. Once they’re in the park, they find that they have a few options to choose to make they’re way up to the zoo area. Youngjae remembers coming here once when he was younger but he doesn’t really remember much other than seeing the actual animals. They find that the next tram won’t come for another fifteen minutes and if they choose to walk up the hill leading to the zoo it would also take about fifteen minutes. Youngjae’s against walking, but he also doesn’t feel like waiting for a tram so he decides to take the third option which is a chair lift. The line isn’t long and the lift is moving at a decent pace. He figures they will have a nice view of the scenery as they ride it up to the zoo. Daehyun follows along easily until its their turn to be seated on the chairs and he ends up having a mild panic attack as the chair jolts them forward and up into the air.

Without consciously doing so, Daehyun grips Youngjae’s hand as they travel even higher off the ground, passing over foliage then a large body of water. He feels unsteady as the seat rocks back and forth with their legs dangling off the front. Daehyun’s never really liked heights, and he’s always been able to deal with the phobia by calming his mind through meditation, but this is really grating on his nerves because he wasn’t mentally prepared for this. He had been too excited about seeing the animals to realize where Youngjae was leading him and now it was too late because they were already in the air.

Suddenly, the chairlift stops leaving them hanging above the water and Daehyun lets out a very unmanly squeak. “Are you okay?” Youngjae asks with a laugh.

“I’m not very fond of heights,” Daehyun says through tight lips, keeping his eyes shut. He breathes deeply, determined not to freak out.

“Sorry.” Youngjae squeezes Daehyun’s hand comfortingly trying not to move too much and jostle the swinging chair. “It’ll be over soon.” Daehyun keeps his eyes closed for the rest of the ride trying to focus on the warm and comforting pressure of Youngjae’s palm against his.

As they make they’re way into the zoo, Daehyun soon forgets his discomfort from the ride up. They first go to an information kiosk to get a map of the park. Youngjae holds it open for both of them to see, asking Daehyun where he would like to go first. There’s so much to choose from and Daehyun wants to see it all so they decide to go to the left and make their way around the entire zoo in one giant, zigzagging circle.

Their first stop is at the flamingos. Youngjae thinks the birds smell foul in their muddy pen, but doesn’t comment on it because he’s too enraptured by the way Daehyun’s eyes glisten as he stares at the long legged pink birds. “What are they?” Daehyun asks, sounding like an enthusiastic child as he leans over the short fence to get a closer look.

“Flamingos.” Youngjae points to a plaque at the front of the pen that gives a brief summary of the birds which Daehyun reads, hungrily absorbing the information.

They move to the next exhibit of African animals and if Youngjae didn’t think Daehyun’s eyes could grow any wider then he was wrong because the moment Daehyun spotted the giraffes and zebras, his eyes grew into the size of saucers. “They’re huge,” he squeals, grabbing Youngjae’s arm and pulling him closer, reading the respective plaques for each animal. On one side of the enclosure there’s a raised platform where dozens of children are struggling to stand beside the fence. A zookeeper is handing out lettuce to feed to the giraffes. “Can we feed them too?” Daehyun asks, tugging Youngjae along before he even has a chance to agree.

When it’s their turn, Daehyun bravely sticks his hand out for the animal to nibble at the greens and when the food’s gone he attempts to pet the large creature. Youngjae hands over his vegetables to Daehyun because he likes seeing how happy Daehyun looks when the giraffe’s teeth nibble at his hands. “He’s so pretty,” Daehyun says, petting the giraffe one last time and admiring the animal’s long eyelashes and large eyes. “I didn’t expect it to be so hard though.”

Youngjae agrees as he leads them to a hand sanitizer station so they can clean their hands as recommended by the zookeeper. They’re next stop is with the apes and other primates before they move on to the hippos. The whole time Daehyun comments on the size of the animals and they’re general natures, giggling when one of them does something amusing and pointing out how cute the babies look when they play together. This all continues as they visit the lions, tigers, elephants, rhinos, and camels. Daehyun is continuously amazed by the largeness of the animals and the variety encompassed in the zoo. He’s gradually learning more and more from each information plaque about the animals themselves and the countries they hail from. With each new country’s name and Daehyun’s limited knowledge of the world as a whole, his view broadens and his mind wanders to places so grand that animals as large as these elephants and giraffes can roam freely. He can’t believe there is such a place. He can’t believe that animals such as these exist and he knew nothing of them. The more he sees, the more he begins to wonder of what else this world holds that he hasn’t seen or learned of yet.

Daehyun slowly grows overwhelmed by all the new sights and information. He has images of tigers, bears, bison, and peacocks now imprinted in his mind along with details of their heritages and habitats. They were all so beautiful and exotic, but Daehyun needed a break so they decided to stop viewing the animals and venture into the greenhouse to view plants instead because plants were safe. Daehyun knew a lot about plants and their uses having been forced to study the medicinal properties of various species. He enjoys spotting the plants he knows and spouting out various facts to Youngjae as they passed through the greenhouse. The warmth inside the building also feels refreshing after walking around in the cool air until their noses and ears felt numb.

Eventually, Youngjae pulls out the map to see what they have left to visit, which honestly isn’t much because they’ve been wandering around for hours, staying at each habitat for a decent amount of time because Daehyun wanted to observe every animal intensely. It seemed as if Daehyun wanted to memorize every animal’s features, mentally storing their every move into his mind, completely fascinated by their appearances and actions. Youngjae didn’t mind how slow they were moving through the park or how Daehyun liked to linger around the pens because watching Daehyun kept him entertained enough not to care about the weather or his aching feet.

As he looks over the map, Youngjae notices that a seal and dolphin show will happen in another hour. He points it out to Daehyun who seems more than eager to attend. Before the show, Youngjae suggests that they grab something simple to eat at one of the food vendors before finding seats at the showcase, which is already filling up with eager children and families waiting for the show. Daehyun’s glad to finally watch an animal he’s familiar with. There were a few birds he recognized in the sanctuaries they visited, but the sight of the dolphin feels oddly comforting. There were numerous dolphin sightings around the island and it was common for children to attempt swimming with them when parents weren’t around to scold them. Daehyun had done it a few times himself when he was a child, so seeing the animals here, well trained and giving a show made Daehyun’s heart leap and mind flood with thoughts of home and the island’s shore, causing him to watch the show in a daze as he thought of his family and what they would think of the zoo and all of the animals it holds. He would like to bring them here someday and share these new sights with them like all the other families are doing around them, but he knows that’s a reality he will probably never see.

After leaving the dolphins, Youngjae notices something’s off about the way Daehyun’s acting. He suddenly seems more contemplative and less enthused and it bothers him. “What’s wrong?” he asks as they pass through the various bird exhibits on their way to the insectarium, which is actually a place Youngjae would like to avoid because he’s not exactly fond of insects and their tiny creepy bodies and multiple legs and beady eyes.

Daehyun hums, still lost in thoughts about his family. “What?”

“Are you getting tired?” Youngjae questions. “Too much excitement in one day?”

Daehyun finally registers what the other’s saying and shakes his head, smiling behind his mask. “I’m not tired. I’m enjoying this. I like all of the animals; it’s just…” he trails off.

“Just what?” Youngjae stops him outside of the insect house, trying to delay their entry into the bug world.

“I can’t help thinking about my family and what it would be like for them to see all of this with me,” Daehyun says gloomily. “I wish I could bring them here.”

“Why can’t you? If you want, we can come again and you can invite them along,” Youngjae suggests hopefully, trying to cheer Daehyun up because he doesn’t really understand what’s so difficult about bringing his family here.

With a sigh, Daehyun shakes his head again at Youngjae’s silly suggestion. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why not?”

“People don’t just leave the island whenever they want.”

“But you left,” Youngjae counters stubbornly.

“I ran away secretly. I left without permission.”

For a moment, Youngjae wonders if this island of Daehyun’s is a little more complicated than he first thought, but then again, Daehyun hasn’t really told him much about his home. Every time Youngjae previously brought it up, Daehyun always gave short answers or changed the topic without explaining much. Now that he’s talking, Youngjae feels he should ask more. “Is your family being held on the island?”

Daehyun huffs, sticking his hands in his pocket. “Not exactly,” he explains. “It’s part of the rules for living on the island. People don’t leave and outsiders don’t enter. It’s to protect the island and it’s people.”

“But that sounds like a prison.”

“The island is beautiful and we never have to worry about anything. It’s the perfect community to live in. The rules are there to keep us safe and to train our people to be the best,” Daehyun says it as if he’s defending the island’s methods, as if his way of life has been ridiculed.

Youngjae leans back as if he’s being verbally assaulted while throwing his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Dropping his hands, he tentatively leans forward and asks in almost a whisper, “If it was such a great place, then why did you leave?”

Daehyun’s eyes glisten as he stares back at Youngjae. “I’ve told you,” he says with a whine of frustration in his voice. “I left to find you. As perfect as the island is and as much as I knew I would miss my family and friends, I left because I thought finding you was more important.” Youngjae straightens up, stepping into Daehyun’s personal space moving to wrap his arms around the other comfortingly, but he’s pushed away as Daehyun’s emotions get the better of him. “I left because I was lonely and I knew I wouldn’t be happy until I found my perfect match. I needed to find you.” He looks up with unshed tears in his eyes and when he sees Youngjae’s dumbfounded expression, Daehyun turns away flustered by his own forwardness, quickly wiping his eyes before retreating into the building of insects and leaving Youngjae outside, lost in his thoughts.

Youngjae stands in the cold watching as Daehyun disappears into the building, too struck by his words to move. The longer he’s with Daehyun and the more he gets to know him, the more his words seem to have an impact on Youngjae. At first, Youngjae thought Daehyun just wanted to get away from home and that he was just a bit lonely. Thinking about it now, he realizes that Daehyun gave up everything, his comfortable home and his loving family, to find the person he’s been longing for without even knowing whether or not he would find this person. With what Daehyun just told him, it was a major risk for him to leave the island and now that Youngjae knows without a doubt that he was the one Daehyun left everything to find, he feels overwhelmed and unworthy. He doesn’t feel deserving of someone as genuine, sincere, and innocent as Daehyun. He doesn’t believe Daehyun’s passionate emotions should be directed towards him, that Daehyun is worthy of a better partner. But at the same time, Youngjae doesn’t want anyone else to have him and the thought of anyone taking Daehyun away from him makes a fire burn in his gut, a lot hotter than he would like to admit.

With that thought in mind, Youngjae trudges into the insectarium to find Daehyun disregarding the fact that most insects give him the creeps. Passing through one room of various beetles in terrariums and into a second, he eventually finds Daehyun standing before a large terrarium housing beautiful butterflies. He steps up behind Daehyun, quietly saying the other’s name to announce his presence so as not to scare him. For some reason, his body decides to act on its own as he wraps his arms around Daehyun’s waist, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder giving him a back-hug. He does this so naturally that he surprises himself, but chooses to go with it because he feels that Daehyun needs a hug and honestly, he could use one himself.

Daehyun stiffens for a moment, surprised by the contact before sinking into the touch, finding comfort in Youngjae’s warm arms. “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

Youngjae smiles, keeping his eyes trained on Daehyun’s profile instead of the butterflies as he says, “Very beautiful.”

Daehyun seems to notice as he looks over at Youngjae with slightly bloodshot eyes from where he had been rubbing them just a few moments ago. They stay like that for a moment, both deciding not to comment on their previous discussion. Youngjae doesn’t want to upset Daehyun again because today is supposed to be fun and entertaining. He wants Daehyun to enjoy himself. Soon Daehyun breaks the tension by chuckling and turning to look back at the pretty insects.

“I wish I could see your smile,” Youngjae comments, resting his cheek against Daehyun’s head. “I’m sure it’s much more interesting that these butterflies.”

Daehyun grins to himself, ears flushing pink at the ridiculous compliment. “Stop being silly,” he teases, knocking his head lightly against Youngjae’s, enjoying the closeness of the moment. “And I’m sure you’ll see it soon enough.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Daehyun briefly peers sideways before placing his hands against Youngjae’s arms, pulling them from his waist so that he can turn and face the other head-on. He gently cups Youngjae’s cheek with his hand, gently sliding his thumb lightly across the smooth, pale skin. His eyes gaze upon Youngjae’s face as if he’s seeing past his outward expression and reading directly into his mind’s eye, uncovering his deepest secrets. “I think you already know the answer,” he muses, smiling again with a curve of his eyes as he takes Youngjae’s hand and leads them to the next set of terrariums, which happens to be ant colonies with their endless systems of tunnels.

Daehyun’s mood lifts after they make their way through the insectarium. Youngjae’s so dazed by the moment they had that he’s passes through the building without feeling intensely bothered by all the insects surrounding. They then move outside again to finish viewing the few habitats they haven’t observed yet. During the rest of the day, Daehyun doesn’t let go of Youngjae’s hand and the latter doesn’t object because he finds the touch comforting even if they’re met with a few strange stares. For their final stop, Youngjae takes Daehyun into the gift shop and tells him to choose something as a memento for the day. Daehyun immediately goes to the wall of stuffed animals, fascinated by their cute, fluffy appearances and after some thought, he chooses one that looks like an adorable tiger cub.

As Youngjae pays for it, he asks, “Why the tiger?”

Daehyun hugs the soft toy close, choosing to carry it instead of putting it in a bag. “Because it reminded me of you.”

“How so?”

“It’s cute,” Daehyun says and Youngjae makes an annoyed noise because he’s most definitely not cute; he’s handsome. “It’s playful and curious, but it has a feisty side,” Daehyun elaborates. “When I saw the cubs earlier, they reminded me of you, so I wanted to get one of my own.”

Satisfied with the explanation, Youngjae naturally takes Daehyun’s hand again walking them back to the entrance. To Daehyun’s great relief, they take the tram back to the car lot instead of the chair lift. They could have walked, but Youngjae’s feet were protesting the thought ardently by throbbing in his shoes and Daehyun wasn’t about to object to a chance to sit down, which he thinks is bizarre because early in the day he had been dying to get out of the confines of Youngjae’s car.

They don’t talk much as they make their way back to the car and drive to the hotel Youngjae made reservations at just this morning. They’re both too tired for conversation: Youngjae physically and Daehyun mentally. It isn’t until after they’ve checked into their rather luxurious hotel suite and Youngjae’s ordered room service for dinner that they say anything.

“Thanks,” Daehyun says breaking the comfortable silence between, pulling out his pajamas and laying them on the end of his bed for later use. “I really enjoyed the zoo today.”

“I’m glad,” Youngjae smiles genuinely.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow?” Daehyun asks, already thinking ahead.

“I was thinking I could take you to see some really, really old animals.”

Daehyun thinks for a moment trying to decipher Youngjae’s comment about where they’ll be going, but he just ends up confused. “Is it another zoo?”

“Not exactly,” Youngjae says, smirking mischievously. “It’s something much more historical.”

Daehyun shrugs, still lost.

“Afterwards, I was thinking we could redo the whole movie thing. I don’t want you to have just that one bad experience with the zombies and think all movies are horrible because they’re really not.”

Daehyun shudders at the thought, but decides not to comment and allows himself to trust in Youngjae’s plans for the coming day.

After dinner they wash up, separately of course, and then spend time chatting before bed. It’s mostly Daehyun riddling off facts about the animals he saw and Youngjae being astounded by how much the boy can remember after just one day of seeing the animals briefly. He’s reminded of the fact that Daehyun’s already graduated from school and in this instance, he thinks that maybe the boy really is a genius if he’s able to remember so much so quickly. He wonders what else Daehyun knows because on one hand he seems generally clueless about every day, common sense things and on the other rather intelligent when it comes to facts.

Somehow they end up on the same bed, even though there are two queen-sized ones in the hotel room. Youngjae isn’t remotely surprised by this because they’ve always shared a bed, although his bed at home is a bit larger than this one, which means they’re now lying closer to one another than usual and after the days events, Youngjae finds it’s somewhat difficult to get to sleep. He can’t stop thinking about holding Daehyun’s hand. Every one of Daehyun’s reactions is being magnified in high definition as they run through his mind, keeping him restless. For some reason, Youngjae’s aware of every miniscule movement Daehyun’s makes, from his light breathing to the way his long lashes flutter as if he’s having a vivid dream.

In the end, Youngjae decides to enjoy the view of Daehyun’s peaceful sleeping face, while contemplating his feelings for the guy until he drifts off himself.

A/N: Okay...I finally updated again because I'm trying to focus on this fic instead of my others. I was getting too drowned in EXO feels and decided to come back to BAP for a while :D

Anyway, this was horribly drawn out and pointless. Well, maybe not completley pointless because they got closer but still...it's not where I want it to be. I want them to kiss already but Youngjae is being stubborn about his feelings and Daehyun isn't ready yet either. UGh......these boys need to get it together!!!! THINGS NEED TO HAPPEN! I hope I can speed the next update along.

<3 Jae