Virility Island (BAP AU): Chapter 7

[leejaehwa7]

Title: Virility Island
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BAP
Pairing: focus!Daehyun, (eventual!DaeJae), (Yongguk/Himchan, Jongup/Junhong)
Chapter: 7/?
Rating: PG (at the moment)
Warnings: mentions of mpreg
Summary: Virility Island is an experimental community and holds what might be considered the highest breed of humankind. Current resident Daehyun feels inadequate not being able to find his match within the community. He’s not sure he can accept the life he’s expected to lead; there has to be something more.

A/N: Wow...I finally have an update. I hope you enjoy it :D


Previous: ( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 2 ) ( Chapter 3 )( Chapter 4 ) ( Chapter 5 ) ( Chapter 6 )

Coping with loss is difficult for everyone. People cope in different ways. Some cry constantly, some lose their appetites and their desire to be around others, some pretend nothing is wrong, and some bury themselves in memories trying desperately not to forget what they’ve lost. Himchan is a combination of all of these coping techniques. He cried the day Daehyun never made it to the finish line of his graduation endurance test. He cried the day after that as well because they still couldn’t find him. Yongguk and Jongup took turns comforting him, passing him tissues and giving him hugs.

On the third day, Himchan cried a little less. He had already lost his appetite, but now he was starting to hate being around others. He locked himself in his practice room, surrounded by instruments he didn’t feel like playing. He wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, but everything around him reminded him of Daehyun. By the fifth day, Himchan could be found lingering in Daehyun’s room, either sitting on his bed or standing by the window, but always looking a bit dazed and completely lost in his thoughts. He wouldn’t say much, wouldn’t eat much, wouldn’t do much of anything. He was in complete shock, which is natural for any parent who’s suddenly lost a very healthy child due to a sudden accident.

The problem with this situation is that there wasn’t really an accident and Himchan can’t get any closure because they never found Daehyun. Even though seeing the corpse of his son is the last thing Himchan wants to see, he still wants proof. He wants something definite, something that shows him Daehyun is really gone because right now it just doesn’t feel real. It feels like his son will walk into his room at any moment and complain about Himchan invading his space and to be honest, Himchan would love for that to happen. He would love for Daehyun to storm in with a scowl on his face as he shoos his birthfather out of his room declaring that he should at least have a bit of privacy in his own home.

As he sits on the edge of his son’s bed, Himchan glances down at the wooden, round topped bedside table. Just out of curiosity, he pulls the little drawer of it open, only glancing at the contents within. He spots a small, round glass music box trimmed in gold around its edges. The bronze gears are plainly visible. Himchan turns the small crank poking out of the side of the glass, watching as the wheels rotate, clicking together to produce a tune he composed so many years ago. He wrote the tune when Daehyun was only two. He was inspired by his son’s laughter and the way it would rise and fall as Yongguk played with him on the living room floor. There was something so pure and beautiful about Daehyun’s laughter that made Himchan want to catch it and make it eternal so that others would also be blessed by the sound of it.

In the end, Himchan found he didn’t want to share his song with the rest of the world. He didn’t want such beauty to become a commonplace thing. He wanted it to be special, to be cherished just as his son should be. He shared the tune with his family, making it into a lullaby for his son. Eventually, he had the music box made so that Daehyun could hear the tune anytime he wanted and gave it to him as a present for his fifth birthday.

Himchan cranks the box enough for a minutes worth of playing, setting it to the side as it unwinds and releases the tune that reminds him of his son’s innocent laughter, which is a sound he hasn’t heard in years. As the music plays, a knock sounds on the door and Jongup opens it just enough to slip in. He walks to the other side of the bed, leaning against the windowsill so that he can face Himchan. They don’t speak for a moment, simply listening to the box play.

When it finally stops, Jongup gives Himchan a sad smile. “I remember when you gave that to him.”

“Really?” Himchan finally looks up at his son. “You were only three.”

“I remember because I was jealous. Daehyun had his own song and you never made one for me. I actually thought you didn’t love me as much him for a long time.”

Himchan shakes his head in disapproval. “You know I love you too.”

“I know now, but as a kid it didn’t make sense to me.” Jongup silently chuckles thinking about how childish he acted. He’s not much of a talker but with the way Himchan is taking this loss he feels he needs to exert a little more effort in comforting his birthfather. “I even took the music box and hid it from him once. He made such a fuss about losing it. I kept it for a few days until I felt bad that Daehyun was so upset. When I finally went to give it back, I dropped it and it shattered. The glass went everywhere and a few parts of the mechanism broke. I felt so horrible I cried and Daehyun kept telling me not to worry about it. Even though I took it from him and broke it, he still told me everything was going to be okay. He wasn’t even mad at me for it, but I distinctly remember his eyes tearing up.”

Himchan picks up the silent music box to examine it. “I had no idea. Daehyun never said anything about it being missing or broken.”

“Of course he wouldn’t. Daehyun never wanted to worry you. The music box was something he treasured. How could he tell you he didn’t know where it was? He didn’t want you to think he was treating something so precious, so carelessly,” Jongup explains, reminiscing on other past events he secretly shared with his brother. “Actually, that was probably the first time I had ever seen Daehyun cry. I was so shocked.” Jongup frowns, crossing his arms over his chest as he glances around the room, hating the empty feeling he receives from Daehyun not being here.

Himchan pats the bed beside him, gesturing for his second son to join him. They both stare out of Daehyun’s open window, basking in the beauty of the sea in the distance while also being reminded of what that beauty took away from them.

“He always holds everything inside. He never really told us what he was thinking. I knew he was upset about the whole partner thing, but I never thought…I never…” Himchan trails off as tears pool in his eyes. “Was he really so unhappy that he had to leave us? I don’t think it was an accident, but I don’t think Daehyun would have just given up on life.” Jongup curls his arm around Himchan’s shoulders, pulling him in for a hug as he sobs. “He wouldn’t just leave us like that, would he? He’s still alive right? He just hiding right? He’s definitely not…definitely not…he’s not…he can’t be…” Himchan can’t bring himself to say the word that he’s thinking because voicing it makes it feel so final, so real.

“He’s definitely alive,” Jongup says with confidence, holding his birthfather tighter. “He’s okay Himchan. He’ll come back to us.” Jongup fights back tears as Himchan shudders in his arms, crumbling into a weakened version of the birthfather he once knew. As he says these words of encouragement to Himchan, a part of him believes them to be true, that his brother is definitely alive and well somewhere. He’ll definitely come back to them when the time is right. They just have to be patient enough to wait for him. He just hopes Himchan is strong enough to keep waiting.

Daehyun groans, brows knitting together as he murmurs in his sleep. It’s enough to wake Youngjae up and as he becomes conscious he realizes he’s holding onto Daehyun’s hand, wondering for a moment how they got that way.

“Himchan.” Daehyun whines, “Himchan.” A tear trickles out of the corner of Daehyun’s eye as he clenches them shut, face scrunching up in pain.

Youngjae shakes him a bit, placing his hand on Daehyun’s brow combing his hair back soothingly. “Daehyun,” he whispers. “Wake up. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

Daehyun’s eyes shoot open and he finds himself staring up at Youngjae who’s hovering over him a bit too close for comfort. A tear glides down the left side of Daehyun’s face and Youngjae watches it fall before meeting Daehyun’s gaze once again. After a moment of silence, Daehyun sits up, putting space between them, letting go of Youngjae’s hand in the process.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Youngjae asks, observing Daehyun as he rubs his eyes ridding them of tears and sleep. “You kept saying Himchan.”

“It wasn’t a nightmare.” Daehyun slides to the side of the bed, dropping to his feet and into a standing position. Without looking back at Youngjae, he rounds the bed and disappears into the bathroom, closing the door as he goes. Discarding his facemask, he splashes his face with cool water hoping it will wash away the image of a distraught Himchan from his dreams. Even though he tries to hide it and pretend everything is okay, Daehyun desperately misses his family. He tries not to think about them and what they must be going through in his absence, but he can’t help how his mind wanders while he’s asleep and the image it produced of Himchan crying because of him was too real for him to handle. Even as he tries to wash it away, Daehyun breaks down, still emotionally vulnerable in his morning stupor. He sinks to the cold tiled floor, burying his face in his hands as he tries to clear his head.

Feeling worried, Youngjae knocks on the bathroom door. “Daehyun, are you okay?” He doesn’t hear anything for a moment, so he knocks again. Eventually a faint sniffling sound emerges. “Daehyun, I’m coming in,” he calls in warning.

“Don’t!” Daehyun buries his unmasked face in his now folded arms, hiding it away. “I’m fine. You don’t have to come in.” His voice is thick as he chokes out the words.

“You’re obviously not.” Youngjae sinks to the floor in front the other. “I won’t ask. I won’t say anything, but I can’t just leave you alone like this.” He touches Daehyun’s shoulder only to have him flinch away.

“I’m not wearing my mask. You can’t see me like this.”

Glancing around, Youngjae grabs one of his plush white hand towels from the wall rack next to the sink. He drapes it over Daehyun’s bowed head. “Now you’re covered. I can’t see anything, so is it okay if I stay?”

He silently nods, a bit bewildered by Youngjae’s actions and thankful for his thoughtfulness. In the next moment, Daehyun’s being enveloped in Youngjae’s arms with a gentle hand resting atop his head. He relaxes into the embrace, resting his head on the other’s shoulder feeling a comfortable warmth surge through his body even as the cold tile floor sends a shiver up his spine. They both remain silent as Daehyun gathers himself enough to calm down and as he does so he breathes deeply to clear his nose only to receive a huge waft of Youngjae’s scent mingled with the leftover aroma of the club. Daehyun notices that the other is still wearing his clothes from last night, which brings back memories of everything that happened.

He sees the redhead girl and how he clung to Youngjae. He’s reminded of that possessive instinct that rushed through him and how it made his gut feel knotted up and queasy. Then he remembers the fight and how Youngjae stupidly jumped in even though he’s not very strong, but he wanted to protect Daehyun, which makes him feel pleased and upset all at the same time. He’s having so many mixed emotions that Daehyun’s head is starting to hurt, so he tries to pull himself away from the cause of the problem.

Sitting back, Daehyun keeps his head lowered as he speaks. “How’s your chest?”

“What?” Youngjae lets his arms slide to Daehyun’s sides, keeping a lose hold on him. He stretches his upper body by sitting up and winces at the tension in his chest. “Oh, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little sore.”

“You smell.” Daehyun turns his head, tugging at the towel to make sure its stays in place and covers his face. At the moment, it smells more like Youngjae than Youngjae does.

“What?” Youngjae asks sounding a bit offended.

“You smell like the club. There’s alcohol and smoke and…” He sniffs again. “It smells like sour fruit.”

Youngjae lifts the neck of his shirt over his nose and sniffs himself, shrugging his shoulders as he lets the shirt drop back into place. “You must have the nose of a bloodhound because I don’t smell anything strange.”

“It stinks. It doesn’t smell like you.” Daehyun sounds like an offended child.

Youngjae laughs. “What do I smell like then?”

“I don’t know. I just like the way you usually smell.” Embarrassed with himself, Daehyun stands holding the towel to his face. He grabs his thin black mask from the counter before rushing out of the bathroom and leaving Younjgae in a state of shock. He isn’t sure why he feels so flustered all of a sudden, but for some reason he likes the fact that Daehyun likes the way he smells.

Since Daehyun seems to be feeling better, Youngjae decides to take a quick shower to freshen up and get the funk of the club off of him. All through his shower he can’t help thinking about Daehyun and the unstated things that he seems to be hiding. It’s obvious that Daehyun’s hurting, that he’s holding his emotions for whatever reason and Youngjae doesn’t like seeing him like this. He wishes he could get Daehyun to open up more. There’s still so much that Youngjae doesn’t know about Daehyun and as he slowly begins to learn more, he gets a tad bit greedier wanting to know even more. Daehyun’s such a mystery to him, a complete stranger and yet, Youngjae feels so close to him.

It was strange at first, how compelled Youngjae felt towards the other, but the longer they’re together, the more normal it feels for them to be that way. Youngjae’s never been this comfortable around anyone before and the fact he can be so unguarded around Daehyun makes him happy and scared all at the same time, leaving him with this uneasy feeling in his gut because he likes Daehyun more than he probably should. He cares for Daehyun more than he ever has for anyone else. Even in terms of friends, Youngjae’s never let anyone into his life the way he’s let Daehyun in and it’s weird because Daehyun’s a stranger that he met in the early hours of the morning as Daehyun was climbing out of the freezing water surrounding the docks his father owns. It’s weird because Youngjae let this perfect stranger come into his home and slowly etch his way into his life with his mysterious customs and lack of knowledge regarding social and societal norms. Youngjae hardly knows Daehyun, barely understands him sometimes, and yet he feels the urge to keep him close, to not let him go because Daehyun’s different in a way that Youngjae can’t even fathom.

They end up ordering a late breakfast and while they’re eating Youngjae leads the conversation, trying to get to know more about Daehyun. “What do you like to do for fun?” he asks, mentally recalling the failure of their previous night out. It’s obvious that Daehyun does not like crowded places at all.

Daehyun thinks for a moment as he sets his mostly empty plate on the coffee table. They’re comfortably sitting on the couch next to the window facing each other. “I like cooking,” Daehyun finally answers. “And going to the beach or taking long walks to clear my mind. Most of the time, I like being alone because then I’m not reminded of how different I am from everyone else.”

Youngjae thinks that sounds rather sad but he chooses not to voice his opinion. He’s seen the way Daehyun talks about not having a partner and being different from everyone else and he doesn’t like how bothered Daehyun is about being alone. Fitting in is something everyone wants to do; it’s something Youngjae never had a problem with but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand what Daehyun feels. Even though Youngjae has a large group of friends that he fits into easily, he still feels lonely most of the time. From an early age, Youngjae learned how to come home to an empty apartment and to fend for himself because his mother was no longer living and his father refused to stay at home longer than necessary. Youngjae remembers being loved by his mother, but that love was cut short when she died much too young. After that, he had to be brave and strong all by himself growing up and from the little that Daehyun has said about his family, he feels that Daehyun had a nice home environment to grow up in. Youngjae’s lonely may not be the same as Daehyun’s type of lonely, but he thinks he can understand how the other feels.

“Are you good at cooking?” Youngjae asks to lighten the mood.

Daehyun smiles slightly like he’s hiding a secret. “I would say I have an aptitude for it. I always felt at home in the kitchen.”

“Really? I never go into the kitchen.”

“I’ve noticed.” Daehyun cocks his head curiously. “Why is that?”

“I guess it’s the same reason I never go into the other rooms of the apartment. They all remind me of my mother. Her favorite room in the house was the kitchen,” Youngjae explains, frown growing on his face as he recalls old memories of his mother making breakfast for him before he went off to elementary school and how she always asked what type of cake he wanted for his birthday so they could bake it together. The other rooms in the apartment where furnished by his mother, some less finished than others because she would always start a project and move onto another one before she finished the first. The one place that she did finish was the kitchen because she felt a good home was centered on the perfect kitchen, the place of nourishment and family gatherings. The kitchen is the only room in the apartment that Youngjae remembers the family being together as a whole because his father always had a busy schedule but his mother always insisted that they eat breakfast and dinner together.

“Then I guess me offering to cook dinner isn’t going to work,” Daehyun says looking down as his lap trying not to reveal the disappointment in his eyes. It’s not that the foodservice is bad or anything, but Daehyun really misses home cooked meals. To him, food tastes so much better when you cook it yourself.

“You want to cook dinner?” Youngjae sounds shocked, maybe because he hasn’t eaten a homemade meal in years.

Daehyun shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “I’ve been meaning to ask because we always order food and I kind of miss cooking, but it’s okay if you don’t want me to use the kitchen.”

“No, no.” Youngjae shakes his head. “Actually, I’d be glad to try your food. It’s silly that I stay away from the kitchen. I guess I’m afraid to go in there by myself, but I think my mom would be happy for it to be used again.” He knows he has to learn how to cope better in regards to remembering his mother. He knows he’s probably being childish about not using the other rooms in the apartment, but he never really had anyone there to help him heal when his mother left. If anything, his father is being even more childish than he is by never coming home because this apartment and the sight of Youngjae, who resembles his mother in so many ways, reminds him too much of the life they once had and saddens him into a crippling grief. Youngjae’s father copes by trying to forget the past, by pushing his memories into the deepest parts of his mind. Youngjae is similar to his father in that aspect, he tries to stay away from the memories, but he really doesn’t want to forget his mom because she’s the only reason he has a few happy thoughts of his childhood.

“Is it really okay?” Daehyun looks hopeful.

“Yeah,” Youngjae grins, deciding that this is actually a great idea. “We can go shopping for food later and you can show me your skills in the kitchen.”

Daehyun smiles behind his mask, eyes curving up to show his expression.

“Well, that’s our plan for this afternoon, but what about the rest of the day? I’d like to make up for taking you to the club last night. That definitely wasn’t a smart thing to do and I think it will be fun to get out of the apartment again. I don’t like that you’ve been cooped up in here for so long.” Youngjae shifts in his seat, arm propped up on the back of the couch picking at the fabric as he tries to think about something they can do together. “Do you like going to the movies?” he finally asks.

“The movies?” Daehyun’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“You know, going to the theater to watch a new film on the big screen: action movies, horror films, comedies and romance. Eating popcorn and candy.”

Daehyun shakes his head. “Theater? I don’t think we have that on the island. The only movies we watch are ones made for educational purposes or when there are news announcements to be made.”

“Oh my god, you are missing out! I’m definitely taking you to a movie.” Youngjae pulls out his phone, typing something on the screen as Daehyun watches in interest, still curious as to why Youngjae has the device. Daehyun’s only ever used their home phone to call his friends or fathers. His tablet could be used as a messenger device but it wasn’t exactly the same as a cell phone. Youngjae’s phone actually looked like a tablet and cell phone combination.

“Okay,” Youngjae says after messing with his phone for a few moments. “What type of movie do you want to watch? Action, comedy, romance, or horror?”

“I don’t know,” Daehyun says and the phrase seems strange to him because he knows a lot. He finds that he’s becoming more and more lost as he gets further into Youngjae’s world. Daehyun knows so much about the stuff he’s read in books, but there wasn’t much fictional writing on the island. They learned a bit about their ancestry in their history books and read a few fictional works by so-called famous authors but the creators and leaders of the island chose everything they were allowed to read.

“I’m not crazy about romance movies and I’ve already seen the action movie available, so I guess we could go to the comedy or horror ones. Oh, maybe the horror one. Do you like zombies?” Youngjae decides and Daehyun agrees because he doesn’t really know what zombies are and it doesn’t matter what they watch as long as they are together; it’ll be a new experience for him regardless.

“What about after the movie?” Youngjae asks because they’ll have some time to kill before they really need to go shopping for food.

“Whatever you want to do is fine.” Daehyun thinks just a movie is fine, but it’s obvious Youngjae wants to do more.

“I guess we could walk around, maybe go to a park or something, since you like quiet places that aren’t crowded.”

“That sounds fine to me. I would like to get some fresh air.”

Youngjae hops up, glad that they finally have a plan. “The first movie is in like two hours so we should probably get dressed and head out if we want to beat the lunch crowd.”

Daehyun isn’t sure what Youngjae means, but he gets up as well. They both pick out clothes, choosing similar outfits without realizing it until after they’re dressed. They both have on slightly oversized sweaters to fight the cool winter air setting into the country. Daehyun notices but doesn’t make a comment because he likes the fact that they look like a couple. He’s always seen couples on the island dress in similar clothes, especially the younger ones because they saw it as a way of claiming their partner and showing everyone else that they were paired up. Daehyun thinks he’s being a bit ridiculous to think this way because maybe couples here don’t think this way and it’s not like he has a claim on Youngjae anyway because they’re not paired up even though he desperately wants to be and he knows Youngjae is the one.

They take Youngjae’s car across town to the theater that’s showing this zombie movie he’s so excited to see. The building is huge, with over a dozen theater rooms packed inside and a large marquee advertising the different movies available. Daehyun only catches glimpses of the various titles, witnessing images of females posed beside their male leads, some clad in seductive clothing or at least that’s how Youngjae described it when he was showing Daehyun pictures. Some of the images showed destruction and fire, cars and buildings exploding, but Daehyun didn’t have a chance to linger on the images as Youngjae pulled him up to one of the numerous ticket booths at the front of the building. He purchases tickets for the both of them and Daehyun only catches the word “Dead” in the title because he’s too distracted by all the movie posters lining the walls on either side of the building near the entrances and exits.

When they finally make their way inside, they’re hit with the delicious smell of buttered popcorn and Daehyun didn’t know he could crave popcorn this much. They had popcorn on the island as a snack food, but it never smelled this delicious. Youngjae leads them to the concession stand ordering a large bucket and two large drinks. He gets lemonade for Daehyun because Daehyun told him while they were ordering breakfast that he didn’t want anything carbonated. Youngjae also orders various types of candies, both chocolate and gummy kinds before leading Daehyun through the building to their designated theater.

They still have about half an hour before the movie starts, so they sit in one of the lobbies near their theater nibbling on the hot buttered popcorn. Youngjae notices Daehyun taking an interest in the videogames surrounding them. “Would you like to play one?” he offers.

Daehyun looks at him, seeming slightly startled. “Play one? What are they?”

Youngjae guffaws, mouth dropping open as he laughs loudly drawing other people’s attention. “You’ve never played a videogame before?”

“We have virtual simulation tests on the island, but I’ve never seen anything like these ‘videogames’ before.” Daehyun looks at the one with a seat situated in front of a small steering wheel attached beneath a monitor. “Can I play that one?”

Youngjae grins, setting their snacks down before accompanying Daehyun to the game. He makes the other take a seat before fishing some coins out of his pocket and depositing them into a tiny slot in front of Daehyun’s legs. He instructs Daehyun how to use the buttons and what to do with the steering wheel. “The point of the game is to go as fast as you can while trying to avoid the obstacles on the road. You will be racing the computer. Some of the obstacles will give you energy boosts or lengthen your time. Use the pedals at your feet for the gas and break. Got it?”

Daehyun nods, thinking this sounds rather simple. The objective doesn’t seem complicated and the game seems to focus on testing a person’s reflexes and he knows from experience that he has excellent reflexes. Youngjae tells him to push the start button whenever he’s ready and steps back to let Daehyun focus on the game.

It seems easy enough in the beginning. Daehyun stays in front of the other cars without much trouble, dodging obstacles that consist of pedestrians, potholes, and oil slicks. He makes it through a few checkpoints without any problems, but then the game starts throwing in other vehicles, trucks that are much larger than his sports car and driving in the opposite direction. Then there are rolling boulders that cross the road as he travels up a mountainside and he has to make sure he doesn’t fall off the cliff. The road begins to curve more and he’s forced into tunnels and each new obstacle makes him a little more flustered and the fact that Youngjae is standing just over his shoulder giving him tips about where to go and how he needs to hurry to get to the next checkpoint before he runs out of time doesn’t help his concentration at all.

Daehyun makes it to the fifth round of the game before dying and Youngjae commends him with a pat on the shoulder. “You did great for a first timer. Most people hardly make it past level two. You’ve got skills.”

Daehyun blushes behind his mask at the compliment, or at least he thinks it’s a compliment because Youngjae seems thoroughly pleased with the way Daehyun played the game. “It was fun. Do a lot of people play these?”

Youngjae nods as they pick up their snacks. “A lot of kids like playing those kinds of games. Older kids play games at home on their TV’s or computers. Some people play so much it takes over their lives.”

“Do you play?” Daehyun asks, wanting to learn more about the games as well as Youngjae’s hobbies.

“Sometimes,” Youngjae replies leading them into the theater. “I have a couple of game consoles at home but it’s not much fun to play by yourself. I usually play at a friend’s house.”

“Oh.” Daehyun can see why it would be fun to play with friends. He thinks it would have been fun to race Youngjae instead of the computer.

“So, where would you like to sit?” Youngjae asks as they step into the theater. The entrance is a narrow dark corridor that opens into rows upon rows of seats. The entrance to the room is situated towards the middle section of the seats and they have the option of going down to sit closer to the screen or going up and away from the screen.

“You choose,” Daehyun suggests. “Where’s the best place to sit?”

Youngjae gestures to the back of the theater as he moves to climb up the stares and sit towards the back. They move into the middle of a row of seats, positioned directly in front of the large white screen before them. “This way we get the perfect view and we don’t have to strain our necks,” he explains. “When couples come they like to sit in the back,” he points a thumb behind them, “so they can kiss without others noticing them.”

“Do couples come here often?” Daehyun looks around curiously, noticing a few guys and girls sitting in pairs. Sometimes the guys have their arms around the girls’ shoulders. There are a few groups of guys as well and a number of other people by themselves.

“You remember how I said people here like to date before they find their perfect match?”

Daehyun nods silently.

“Well, this is one of the places people go to when dating. It’s the perfect place to be together without having to talk much and the atmosphere is nice for couples to get closer to one another.”

Daehyun gulps, looking around again. The seats are comfortable enough and he guesses the dim lighting fits the mood for getting closer to someone you care about. For a moment, Daehyun wonders if the other couples see them and think they’re on a date. A part of him wants to ask Youngjae if this is a date, but another part of him knows that Youngjae likes females and probably sees this as two friends spending time together. Daehyun suddenly feels bummed out by the idea and he doesn’t have a chance to ask Youngjae another question because the lights are going out and the screen is lighting up.

Youngjae holds the popcorn in his lap offering some to Daehyun before, shoving handfuls into his mouth. At this rate they’re sure to have most of it gone before the previews are over. They still haven’t popped open the candy yet, but that’s usually saved to eat during the movie anyways.

A video pops up on the screen with the story line of a couple of guys that are friends from university. They’re all much older now, each with families and careers, but they all decide to get together and go on a trip to remember their days as bachelors. Daehyun finds himself laughing with the rest of the audience when the video shows clips of the guys getting into trouble and doing ridiculous things together.

Another preview comes on after that one, this time showing an animated film about these miniature creatures that live in the woods and these humans that are obsessed with finding them. Some strange things happen and the humans are expected to save the creatures or something and Daehyun is too fascinated by the images appearing before him to really focus on the plot line. Youngjae looks over at him to witness wide eyes filled with awe. Daehyun resembles a child who’s been taken to the movies, experiencing the wonder of the big screen and surround sound for the first time. He seems absolutely amazed by it all and Youngjae doesn’t think he’ll be focusing on the movie much because watching Daehyun’s expressions, even with his half covered face, is infinitely more entertaining.

The main motion picture finally starts. The first scene is a pan of a demolished city, set to a track of eerie music as the main character sets the scene with a monologue. Daehyun stares at the screen unblinkingly, entranced by the images before him. Soon enough, the music picks up and the main character finally appears, making his way through the city trying to avoid the decaying bodies of zombies attacking him. There’s a lot of noises and grunting as the bodies are hit by the main characters car and a large fight breaks out with multiple zombies being cut down and shot. Youngjae hears everything but he’s looking at Daehyun as the boy’s excited eyes slowly grow dim with distress. He’s staring at the screen with confusion covering his face and questions in his eyes as he tries to figure out what’s going on and why the people look so grotesque and why the main character is killing them. Daehyun’s never seen this kind of violence. He doesn’t know what to think of these disfigured humans that seem to only want to eat the one person that looks normal.

Youngjae tears his eyes away from Daehyun when the boy turns his head to glance his way. For some reason, Youngjae suddenly feels self-conscious and baffled at his own actions. He doesn’t understand why he’s so interested in Daehyun’s response to the movie. He doesn’t understand why he likes watching Daehyun react to things he’s never seen or experienced before. Youngjae resolves to watch the movie from now on because it’s weird for him to want to watch Daehyun.

By the time Youngjae focuses on the film, he’s missed the entire opening sequence and the story has already skipped into a flashback. It’s now revealing the events that lead up to the zombie apocalypse, something about an outbreak that stems from an ill-performed test on a new drug. It all started with a few people being infected, which rapidly snowballed out of control. As the movie comes back to the current time, the events slow down and the suspense in the movie intensifies as the main character begins exploring new regions of the city looking for something. The music looms in the background, making the audiences pulses pound with anticipation each time the man on screen rounds a corner or enters a building. Daehyun’s body becomes tense, sitting rigid in his chair as he waits for something to happen. He is slowly beginning to feel nauseous at the sight of all of the dead, mutilated bodies in large proportions before him. Everything looks so desolated and horrifying and Daehyun hates it. These images make him think of all the stories that his instructors on the island had told him about the outside world. He had never been able to imagine it properly but the images before him give him a perfect idea of what everyone was lead to believe happened to world outside of the island.

As the music hits a crescendo, a zombie attacks the main character with full force, knocking the gun out of his hands causing him to have to fight the zombie with hand-to-hand combat. Surprisingly, the zombie shows great strength even with its decaying form. Eventually, Daehyun can’t stand watching the violence anymore, choosing to cover his face with his hands just as the guy starts beating the zombies head in. Covering his eyes doesn’t help much because he can still hear the screaming and crashing surrounding him on the loud speakers, the noise booming in his ears. Bowing his head, Daehyun plugs ears while squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t like this movie. He doesn’t like zombies. He doesn’t want these images and thoughts in his mind.

Noticing his discomfort, Youngjae places his arm around Daehyun’s shoulders, leaning in close. Daehyun stiffens at the touch before turning his head to peek over at Youngjae who nods his head gesturing towards the exit. It takes Daehyun a moment to figure out what he means before nodding in agreement. Youngjae stands, leaning down so as not to block anyone’s view helping Daehyun up because he doesn’t seem to want to move from his seat. They make their way out of the theater with Daehyun mostly keeping his eyes closed because now that he’s moving he doesn’t think he will be able to stay on his feet is he sees another zombie being blown to pieces.

Once they’re back in the lobby, Youngjae pulls Daehyun’s hands away from his ears trying to get him to finally open his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks, eyes full of concern.

Daehyun shakes his head trying to mentally dispel the images he just witnessed. “Do things like that really happen? Are there really people like that?”

“No,” Youngjae says with a laugh in his voice, squeezing Daehyun’s hands to give him reassurance. “That’s just science fiction. It’s all makeup and lights, nothing was real.”

“Are you sure?” Daehyun asks skeptically. “Because they looked very real.”

“I promise, it’s not real.” Youngjae smiles, leaning in close to look Daehyun directly in the eye. “I think it’s safe to say you don’t like horror movies.”

“Not really,” Daehyun agrees. “Sorry that you’re missing the movie.”

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t really watching it anyways.”

“How could you not? It was so loud and crazy. Those zombie things were everywhere and someone was getting shot every minute. I’ve never seen anything so gruesome and horrible. I didn’t like it at all.” Daehyun visibly shivers at the thought, realizing in his movements that Youngjae is still holding his hands. Suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed, he pulls his hands away hugging them to his sides, standing awkwardly as Youngjae continues staring at him curiously.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Daehyun doesn’t really have chance to respond before Youngjae is guiding them out of the theater with an arm around Daehyun’s shoulders. The afternoon light outside is blinding in comparison to the dark theater room and the dim fluorescent lights of the lobby inside. He takes in a deep, calming breath as they pause in front of the large building deciding where to go next. Youngjae chooses to go left, in the opposite direction of his parked car, bringing an oblivious Daehyun along with him.

They walk for a while, not saying much of anything and when someone does speak it’s usually Youngjae telling Daehyun to watch his step or look a certain way. Eventually, they make it to a crosswalk, connecting a pair of street corners on one side and a large park on the other. Daehyun doesn’t notice where they are until they finally make it into the entryway of the park and they’re surrounded by large bushes and trees that have gone into hibernation as the temperature dropped. It’s actually a bit chilly out, but when they’re standing in the sun the chill becomes tolerable and because of this, Youngjae leads them onto a sunlit path instead of one that’s more private and shadowed.

“What are you thinking about?” Youngjae asks, unable to hold his tongue any longer.

“Humanity,” Daehyun replies sounding philosophical.

“What about humanity?” They continue on their walk around the edge of the park.

“I’m thinking about life. It’s something many people take for granted, something that can be lost in an instant and should be cherished. On the island we are taught that life is sacred and as humans we are responsible for protecting it.” He looks over at Youngjae with worried eyes. “That movie depicted life in such an inhumane way. People were killing each other without a thought to the life that they were destroying and everyone in the audience was watching it as a source of amusement. I’ve never seen violence like that before. We don’t allow such things to occur on the island. I’ve read about war and heard about the destruction of countries, but I’ve never seen the images and I never imagined that people would find these things entertaining. Are people here really that insensitive to the idea of losing life?”

Youngjae remains quiet, thinking about Daehyun words, putting them into perspective. “I admit that I watch movies that contain death without thinking about what it means for those characters to die because in my mind, those characters aren’t really dying. I see it as an act and I guess you are right, we have grown insensitive to people dying because it happens. Wars happen. Violence happens. Accidents happen.” He stops suddenly almost causing Daehyun to bump into him because he was walking slightly behind Youngjae. Continuing in a low voice, he says, “That doesn’t mean I don’t think life is precious. Have you ever lost anyone close to you Daehyun? Have you ever seen someone you love die, knowing that you can’t do anything to save them? I witnessed my mother slowly deteriorate due to an illness that the doctors couldn’t heal. I barely understood death at the time, but I knew it was something final and I knew I would never see my mother again when the men came to take her away. Life is difficult that way. It comes with the good and the bad and as humans, we have to learn how to accept both.”

Daehyun doesn’t know what to say. He feels sorry for bringing the topic up and making Youngjae remember something so horrible. In the end, he hugs Youngjae because the desire to comfort him is overwhelming and actions speak volumes in the situations where words fail. Youngjae seems to understand as he wraps his arms around Daehyun accepting the hug gratefully.

After a while, they continue their way through the park making light conversation in hopes that their moods would also lift. They pass through a section near a large fountain and Daehyun can’t help noticing all of the couples surrounding them. “Is this a place where people go on dates?” he asks, unable to subdue his curiosity.

Youngjae glances around finally noticing that they’re the only pair of guys in the area. “Yeah, couples like to spend time here as well.”

Daehyun takes in the information, processing it quickly before turning to Youngjae and asking, “Are we on a date?”

Youngjae seems flustered for a moment, cheeks growing even redder than they already are from the cool air. He looks around nervously, trying not to meet Daehyun’s imploring eyes. “I guess it’s like a date, but we’re just friends,” Youngjae explains. “It’s not like I’m trying to…” he pauses, mind swirling with thoughts of what his intentions are. If anyone had asked him weeks ago, he would have definitely said that he’s only interested in females, that he definitely likes women. He’s never had any inclination of romantic feelings towards a guy. At the moment, he’s not very sure because Daehyun just seems different. From the moment Youngjae laid his eyes on Daehyun, he’s felt this strong need to stay near him, to take care of him, to keep him safe. In the time Youngjae has spent with Daehyun, he slowly began to realize that likes being around Daehyun, that he enjoys their time together and hates when they’re apart. He wants to do everything he can to make Daehyun happy, to be by Daehyun’s side at all times. A part of Youngjae wants to, in a weird sense, mark Daehyun as his so that no one else can get close to him. It’s almost like he wants to monopolize Daehyun by staking a claim, by acting possessive, but that’s strange because Daehyun’s a guy and Youngjae hardly knows him. He feels this overpowering instinct within him to get closer to Daehyun so that no one else will and it makes Youngjae worry each time this urge appears. He doesn’t know what to do or think because he’s never been in this situation before and he’s never felt this strongly about anyone other than Daehyun.

Daehyun seems to frown behind his mask as Youngjae remains silent, leaving his comment unfinished. Effectively changing topics, Daehyun says, “We should probably go shopping for some food for dinner. That late breakfast is gone and the salty popcorn from the theater left me hungry.”

Accepting the new task, Youngjae takes the reigns once again leading them out of the park and back down the street to his car. Having something new to think about allows Youngjae to clear his mind of those dangerous thoughts he was having about Daehyun. He just doesn’t think he’s ready for such a serious change in his views regarding relationships. He also doesn’t want to jeopardize this new friendship that he has going with Daehyun.

As they make their way to one of the outdoor markets not far from Youngjae’s apartment, Youngjae can’t help noticing the forlorn look in Daehyun’s eyes. He wonders if it’s leftover from the movie or if it’s because of the last topic of conversation they had. He can’t help recalling the hopeful sound in Daehyun’s voice when he asked if they were on a date and the way his eyes drooped when Youngjae said they were just friends.

When they finally make it to the market, the sight of fresh food quickly cheers Daehyun up. He’s never seen such vast amounts of produce before. There are variations of vegetables he’s never tried and a number of meats that look absolutely mouthwatering. He has no idea where to start because he wants a little bit of everything, but he knows that the two of them would never eat it all before most of it went bad. They walk up and down the market, stopping at various stalls to taste samples of foods that the vendors have cooked in hopes of selling their products.

After some time, Youngjae informs Daehyun that he should probably decide what to cook because Youngjae has no idea how to form dishes and he’s wholly relying on Daehyun to choose the food. Eventually they decide to buy a few prime cuts of beef, as well as a whole chicken. Youngjae easily negotiates the price because he’s the one buying and Daehyun watches in awe as he makes the deal. If it were him, he would have paid for it at full price because they don’t do this sort of price haggling on the island. Daehyun lets Youngjae carry the meat while he picks out various vegetables and fruits with the precision of a professional. He also makes sure to grab fresh herbs and seasonings to make sure whatever his dishes end up being had lots of flavor in them; he wants Youngjae’s taste buds to explode. He still isn’t sure of what he wants to cook, but he has enough food for a couple of meals and he’s sure he can concoct something delicious from his various types of produce. On the way home, they stop by a store to pick up a few types of oils and other necessary cooking supplies that they couldn’t find at the market.

When they get back to the apartment, Youngjae leads Daehyun in the opposite direction of his bedroom and into the kitchen. He doesn’t tell Youngjae that he’s been in here multiple times before just looking around because it’s clear that Youngjae has an issue with this room and Daehyun doesn’t want to seem like he’s been invading into Youngjae’s privacy by exploring the apartment. It’s obvious the room hasn’t been used much but there are distinct details that show it’s been cleaned recently, probably by the maid that visits the apartment a couple of times each week. When she first came, Daehyun almost had a heart attack because Youngjae never said anyone would visit and he definitely didn’t expect to find a woman in Youngjae’s closet rifling through his dirty clothes.

Daehyun observes the extravagant room, taking in his surroundings with a keen eye before opening and closing every cabinet memorizing where the dishes, pots, and pans are, along with the locations of the silverware and other utensils. He checks the refrigerator as well, unsurprised by its bareness. Eventually, he gets down to the task of making dinner, deciding on a simple beef stew filled with various vegetables and boiled to perfection. The scents filling the room remind them both of home and their parents cooking. Youngjae watches from his seat behind the bar as Daehyun quickly chops up the meat and vegetables. He makes everything seems so easy as he adds an array of spices and herbs to the dish giving it a strong aroma that makes the palate salivate with anticipation of the flavors to come.

“Did someone teach you how to cook?” Youngjae asks as he watches Daehyun clean up his cutting board and utensils.

Daehyun hesitates for a moment before smiling and deciding that he should probably tell Youngjae a little more about himself. He can’t stay elusive forever if he wants Youngjae to eventually accept him as his partner. “My birthfather taught me how to cook. He was always conscious of our eating habits when we were growing up.”

“Our?” Youngjae asks, hoping to learn more about Daehyun.

“My younger brother and I.”

“You have a brother? What’s he like?”

“He’s not as smart as me, but he’s really athletic and rather shy. I guess you could say we’re very close. He probably knows me better than anyone.” Daehyun smiles fondly at the thought of his brother. “His name’s Jongup.”

“You must miss him.”

“I do.”

“And what about,” Youngjae pauses wondering whether or not he should ask before finally deciding to bite the bullet. “What about Himchan?”

“Himchan’s my birthfather,” Daehyun says tentatively. “He’s the one I’m most worried about.”

“Why?”

“Because I left home without telling him. I’ve probably made him worry a lot. I’ve already given him so many problems growing up and now I can’t help thinking about how upset he must be that I just disappeared.” Daehyun turns his back to Youngjae to check the contents on the stove.

“Why’d you leave home?” Youngjae always felt that Daehyun had runaway from home, but he never really found out the reason.

“I didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore. I felt lonely and depressed. Something away from the island was calling out to me and I just had to find it because, for some reason, I knew it would lead me to what I’ve been searching for all along.” Daehyun still has his back towards Youngjae because he knows facing the other would break his resolve to keep telling him the truth.

“What have you been searching for?” Youngjae’s eyes never leave Daehyun’s back.

Daehyun’s hand reaches up to his face. As he fingers at his mask, he says, “I think you already know the answer to that question.”

Youngjae thinks for a moment, processing everything Daehyun’s just told him about why he left the island and how he felt lonely. It’s been a topic of their conversations right from the beginning. The mask on Daehyun’s face is a blaringly obvious reminder of what Daehyun so desperately wants to find. Youngjae’s suddenly afraid to ask the next question on the tip of his tongue, but his curiosity gets the better of him. “Did you find what you’ve been searching for?”

Daehyun’s shoulders rise and fall, an indication of the deep breath he just took before he turns around to meet Youngjae eyes as he answers with a simple, “Yes.”

For a moment, Youngjae forgets how to breathe.