Swoon-Inducing Smiles (BTOB AU)
Title: Swoon-Inducing Smiles
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BTOB
Pairing: Ilhoon/Hyunsik
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ilhoon meets an unlikely guest while working as a cross-dressing hostess at a nightclub.
A/N: I really like when Ilhoon plays Ilsoon and I can’t help how good him and Hyunsik look together and this just had to happen…INSPIRATION
Saturday nights are always busy at the club, especially for hostesses with good reputations. Ilhoon has a good reputation or should it be Ilsoon considering that’s his hostess name. It’s not very creative but he doesn’t mind that’s it’s so similar to his real name, makes it easier to remember. He chose it on the spot because the club had to put a name in their records of hostesses to choose from and he didn’t have much time to think about it. Most of the other hostesses chose foreign names like Penelope, Amber, or Jessica, but he didn’t really care to make himself seem exotic by choosing a foreign name; it wouldn’t fit his character anyways.
The thing is, the club that Ilhoon works at employs cross-dressers as their hostesses. The usual employees get a kick out of dressing up and playing different roles, some even live in their roles permanently, feeling that they were destined to be women, but not Ilhoon. He’s never really cross-dressed before and he’s never had a desire to act like a woman, but he needs a job, the pay is good, and he doesn’t think anyone will recognize him outside of work. He also doesn’t think anyone he’s knows will come to this sort of club, not to mention, he’s still in high school and the club hours are later in the day so he doesn’t have that conflict to worry about. All in all, it’s the perfect job choice for him, apart from the fact that he is underage and he couldn’t legally get the job. A fake ID was easy enough to obtain and he thinks it’s worth the risk working here because honestly, the pay is really, really good.
The character he created for himself is a chic businesswoman. He wears a short cut, black wig with bangs and stuffs himself until he’s a busty D-cup. He opts for shorter, tighter dresses that expose his legs and puts on just enough makeup to look smart without trying too hard. He likes the natural look and really, he’s feminine enough to pull off his look without it seeming obvious that he’s a guy. Some customers even question his gender, wondering if he’s really a women working at a cross-dressing club for kicks.
Ilhoon doesn’t mind though; it’s part of the job and after his first few customers, he started getting into character, fully becoming Ilsoon while he’s dressed up and working. He forgets himself a little, plays into the imaginary setting the club creates, loses himself to become Ilsoon to attend to his high-paying customers needs. If anyone asked, he probably wouldn’t admit that he kind of enjoys being Ilsoon sometimes.
It’s a Saturday night when he’s in full character, going from one customer to another easily until he hits a speed bump. He’s been given another customer, a new guest the manager had told him and Ilhoon had thought he was ready for anything, but this was beyond his expectations. The new customer was sitting in Ilhoon’s designated booth, but he wasn’t exactly new to Ilhoon. In fact, Ilhoon’s sure he’s seen this guy’s face everyday for the past two years waltzing around the school like he owns the place with his posse following his every move. He was all too familiar to Ilhoon. I mean, who wouldn’t know the most popular guy in school, the captain of the soccer team, Mr. Prince Charming with his beautiful smiles and perfect body and why would a guy like that be a place like this?
Ilhoon balks when he sees him, contemplating how cruel the world must be because there are so many other hostesses to choose from and yet, Mr. Prince Charming chose him. It takes a few moments for Ilhoon to find his composure, reminding himself that he’s not Ilhoon right now, he’s Ilsoon and Ilsoon is confident and chic and guys like Mr. Prince Charming are nothing Ilsoon can’t handle. He straightens himself up, brushing his fingers through his hair, making sure his chest is straight before striding over to his designated booth.
He clears his throat, placing a hand on his hip as he stands beside the booth. A smirk plays at his lips as he extends his hand in greeting, palm down and fingers curled under very feminine-like. Mr. Prince Charming grins widely, standing as he takes the offered hand gently.
“Hyunsik,” he says. “And your name is?”
“Ilsoon,” he replies, disguising his voice as always.
Hyunsik gestures for them to take a seat at the rounded booth. Ilhoon chooses to slide in beside Hyunsik, purposely staying close. He likes to tease his customers that way. They’re quiet for a moment, Hyunsik unsure of what to do or say.
“Is this your first time at a place like this?” Ilhoon asks to diffuse the awkward silence.
“Yeah,” Hyunsik laughs self-consciously. “I’m not really sure how this works.”
“You can start by buying me a drink,” Ilhoon says, crossing his legs getting comfortable.
“What would you like?”
Ilhoon chuckles. “This isn’t about what I would like. It’s about what you like. You’re paying for it.”
“Right.” Hyunsik spots the nearest waitress and orders two cokes. At least he’s not pretending to be older by ordering alcohol.
The silence returns and Ilhoon shifts in his seat, pulling his dress down to cover his thighs a little better. As he does so, he notices Hyunsik’s eyes wandering. Tucking the curve of his finger under Hyunsik’s chin, Ilhoon tilts his head up. “I’m up here handsome.”
Their eyes meet briefly before Hyunsik’s turning away and fiddling with his fingers in his lap. Their drinks appear giving them something to occupy their time with, but it doesn’t last for long. Hyunsik musters up enough courage to look at Ilhoon again to find he’s being watched intently. Their eye’s meet again and Hyunsik finds himself staring a little deeper.
“Have we met?” he asks, shocking Ilhoon who keeps his calm facade.
“No,” he says confidently. “I would definitely remember meeting someone as handsome as you.” He’s technically not lying. They run in different circles at school, so they haven’t officially met, but that doesn’t mean Hyunsik hasn’t seen him before.
“Really?” Hyunsik leans in, a bit too closely for Ilhoon’s liking but he doesn’t shy away; it’s not in his character to. “You just look so familiar.”
Ilhoon grins, shaking his head. “I’m sure,” he says, placing a hand on Hyunsik’s forearm. “Why don’t we get to know each other now?”
They fill the rest of the hour that Hyunsik paid for with small talk, nothing really significant, but Ilhoon likes it. He likes seeing Hyunsik so comfortable, so relaxed. It’s like he’s finally being himself, like he’s always pretending to be someone else at school around his friends. Ilhoon thinks this side of Hyunsik is so much more interesting than the meathead persona he puts on in front of his peers.
“Why do you come to a place like this?” Ilhoon asks curiously during their second Saturday together. “I’m sure you can find someone to spend time with you for free.”
Hyunsik shrugs. “Sometimes I just feel like I have to get away from the people I know. It’s like they all expect something from me.” He sips at his coke.
“Like what?” Ilhoon absentmindedly traces the hem of his dark grey dress where it meets the middle of his thigh.
Hyunsik tentatively brushes his fingers across the back of Ilhoon’s hand. “I guess everyone expects me to be this person, like I’m supposed to act a certain way, do certain things, but I’m not sure I like that person everyone wants me to be.”
Ilhoon nods, turning his hand over, opening it in offering to Hyunsik who laces their fingers together. Ilhoon runs his thumb across Hyunsik’s soothingly. “Who do you want to be?”
Hyunsik stares at their hands for a while in thought. “I don’t know,” he whispers just above the music of the club. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
“You know,” Ilhoon pulls their hands up to his lips, barely kissing the back of Hyunsik’s as he smiles. “You can always change if you want to.”
They gaze intimately at one another before Hyunsik smiles ridiculously wide, eyes crinkling as they disappear. “I’ll definitely start thinking about it,” he says. “Do you have any requests for the new Hyunsik?”
Ilhoon leans into Hyunsik, somewhat entranced by that smile of his. “All I can ask is that you be honest with yourself, that you are exactly who you want to be. I want you to like yourself.”
Hyunsik closes the gap between them, lips gently meeting Ilhoon’s in a fleeting kiss. “I like who I am when I’m with you.”
Ilhoon’s heart pounds in his ears as he takes in the moment, questioning whether he heard Hyunsik properly because there’s no way a moment like this can be real, not in Ilhoon’s world.
“Are you sure we haven’t met somewhere else before?” Hyunsik asks the third Saturday he comes to visit. “I swear you look so familiar.”
Ilhoon shrugs, turning towards Hyunsik until their legs are resting against one another. “Maybe I just have a common face.”
“No,” Hyunsik says, feeling a little brave as he traces Ilhoon’s jaw with his fingers, grinning all the while. “You’re too beautiful to be common.”
Ilhoon has to look down to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. “You probably say that to all the girls, wooing them with your ridiculous eye smiles.”
Hyunsik tucks his finger under Ilhoon’s chin, mimicking the same action Ilhoon did the first time they met. “I’m up here beautiful,” he says, smiling that ridiculous, swoon-inducing smile of his.
Ilhoon finds he can’t look away.
The fifth Saturday that Hyunsik comes to the bar, Ilhoon avoids him. He doesn’t know why, but for some reason seeing Hyunsik again scares him. He’s afraid of Hyunsik getting too close, of him figuring out that Ilhoon is hidden behind Ilsoon, of him possibly disliking Ilhoon because Ilhoon really likes Hyunsik. At least he likes the Hyunsik that comes to the club and he’s worried that maybe Hyunsik will only like the club version of Ilhoon too. He doesn’t want to be brokenhearted, doesn’t think he can handle it, so he chooses to stop the fantasy before it gets out of hand.
“He’s asking for you specifically,” the manager says.
“Tell him I’m booked up or something.” Ilhoon stays out of sight behind the manager’s booth. “Please, I can’t see him tonight.”
“Is there something going on between you two? Are you dating? You know my rules about bringing boyfriends into the club.”
Ilhoon waves his hands and shakes his head. “No, no. We’re not together. Please just send him away. I’ll increase my earnings tonight to make up for the loss, but I really can’t see him.” He clutches his hands together, as if praying profusely to his boss.
“Fine, but you better deliver. You know it’s not in my practice to turn away customers.”
“Thank you. Thank you.” Ilhoon sighs in relief. “I’ll work hard.”
The manager feeds Hyunsik a lie and Ilhoon secretly watches his walk away crestfallen. It sends a twinge to Ilhoon’s heart but he tells himself this is for the best.
This routine repeats. Hyunsik comes to the club, not just on Saturdays anymore, asking for Ilsoon and the manager turns him away upon Ilhoon’s request. The manager doesn’t ask much, doesn’t care much because Ilsoon delivers when it comes to customers.
It’s easy for Ilhoon to avoid Hyunsik at the club and he thought it would also be easy to avoid him at school considering they’ve been attending the same one for two years and have never actually crossed paths. But fate seems to have a vendetta against Ilhoon or something.
It happens while Ilhoon is talking to one of his friends walking down the hall during lunch break. It’s pretty crowded and Ilhoon should have been paying more attention, but the fact that he got pushed completely into a locker three feet away screamed intentional harassment. He falls to the ground, thick-framed glasses flying off his face in the process. A sickening crunch is heard as the same person who pushed him into the locker stomps on them, laughing in the process. He has contacts choosing to only wear his glasses at school, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t expensive and he can’t afford another pair.
Something in him snaps. He shoots up furiously pushing the guy into the lockers screaming, “What’s your problem?” Everything’s fuzzy around the edges, but he can easily make out the letterman jacket and the fact that this guy is much bigger than himself.
The guy laughs, before gripping Ilhoon by the shoulders and tossing him easily into the lockers. Ilhoon’s face hits a lock, blurring his vision even more and he knows it’s going to leave a bruise. As he clutches his face, he looks up, eyes landing on a familiar face standing in the crowd, only this time the face isn’t smiling.
This is what Ilhoon was afraid of; this version of Hyunsik that can stand before him, face placid as he watches his friends abuse innocent bystanders for fun. He detests this part of Hyunsik, thinks this bit of bad cancels out all of the good he’s come to know about him. Ilhoon’s glad he stopped everything before it started, but it still hurts, knowing that he could have fell for Hyunsik, that he almost did.
Ilhoon makes it to the club early the night of the incident. He’s already dressed in a tight, red cocktail dress that hangs low on his shoulders. He’s caked on more makeup than usual, but the bruise is still obvious and the manager notices as soon as Ilhoon comes to the front booth to check in.
“I’m sorry Ilsoon. I can’t let you work like this.”
“But I need to work. I need the money.”
“I know, but I can’t have you on the floor looking like that. I can’t sell damaged goods.” He turns to acknowledge another hostess for a moment. “You’ll have to take a few nights off until this gets better.” He gestures towards Ilhoon’s face. “It’s a shame. You’re one of my best workers.”
Ilhoon slumps dejectedly, angry with how cruel fate is to him, only to have fate lash out once more as Hyunsik appears at the window of the booth. Their eyes meet. Realization crosses Hyunsik’s face as he sees the bruise, finally connecting the dots. Ilhoon storms out of the back of the booth before Hyunsik can say anything.
He finds it difficult to change back into his regular skinny jeans and t-shirt as he prepares to leave the club. He takes his time removing his makeup, wishing will all his might that he doesn’t bump into Hyunsik when he leaves. He chooses to take the back door for employees only and of course, Hyunsik’s waiting for him perched up against the wall looking handsome as always.
Ilhoon decidedly ignores him as he walks down the back alley, the scent of garbage attacking his nose, fueling the annoyance in the pit of his stomach.
“Hey,” Hyunsik says shyly, following in Ilhoon’s footsteps. “You lied to me. I do know you.”
Ilhoon whips around causing Hyunsik to stop short. “No, I didn’t,” he says. “You asked if we’ve met before and we haven’t.” Ilhoon glares at him for a moment before turning, continuing his march down the alley.
Hyunsik follows stubbornly. “Okay, so we never officially met, but I do know you.”
“No, you don’t know me.” Ilhoon stops again as Hyunsik comes up beside him. “You know nothing about me and I clearly know nothing about you.”
“But I want to get to know you.” Hyunsik reaches for Ilhoon’s arm only to be shaken off.
“Why? Why are you so interested in me?” The anger is clear in Ilhoon’s voice as he takes a step back adding space between them.
Hyunsik hesitates. “Because I like you.”
“What do you like about me?”
“You’re interesting. You’re beautiful, mature, and confident.” Hyunsik lists all these things off as Ilhoon shakes his head.
“But I’m not. That person in there, the one you come to meet every day, isn’t me. She’s just a character I created. She doesn’t leave the club,” he says, pointing back at the grungy brick wall he just came from.
“Then I want to get to know the real you. The you without the makeup and the dresses.”
Ilhoon laughs dryly because this is too much. “I don’t want you to get to know me. The problem is, I feel like I already know the real you and he’s stuck back inside that club too. I don’t like the person you are outside those walls.”
Hyunsik’s mind goes blank, completely stunned by Ilhoon’s words. He can’t argue against them. They’re so painfully true; he hates himself for being able to admit it. He stays rooted to his spot as Ilhoon stalks off, fighting back tears of frustration as he goes.
The next day, Ilhoon sits at his usual lunch table with his friends Sungjae and Peniel. They’re still recovering from the shock of yesterday’s events at the locker, with the bruise on Ilhoon’s face reminding them to be attentive of their surroundings. The day is progressing like any other, until a certain someone decides to sit beside Peniel, which happens to be directly in front of Ilhoon. He’s using every ounce of his concentration to ignore this uninvited guest, but his friends are nervous and people are staring.
“I’m sorry,” Hyunsik says, drawing Ilhoon’s attention, causing him to peek up out of the corner of his eye, only half-interested. “I’m sorry for having friends that are dicks. I’m sorry for letting myself be a dick.”
There’s a lull in the table’s surrounding them as everyone stares curious to see why the captain of the soccer team is talking to someone who’s lower on the totem pole than the AV nerds. Hyunsik easily ignores the audience, used to the attention. He slides a box of strawberry pocky across the table, giving Ilhoon that ridiculous, swoon-inducing smile of his.
“It’s your favorite right or is that also an Ilsoon thing?”
Ilhoon stiffens a bit at the mention of his character name. “Don’t talk about that here.” He looks away before standing up grabbing the box and his tray in the process. “And you’ll have to do better than some weak apology and a cheap box of sweets.”
He leaves his friends shell shocked with a now slightly hopeful Hyunsik. Ilhoon doesn’t want to admit that’s he pleasantly surprised Hyunsik brought him strawberry pocky because he doesn’t remember ever telling Hyunsik it’s favorite, which means Hyunsik was paying attention, that he actually cared to know Ilhoon.
The next few days progress slowly with Hyunsik bringing Ilhoon little gifts, things he noticed about Ilhoon that never seemed all that significant. Ilhoon can’t even lie to himself anymore. He finds Hyunsik’s over-awareness of him charming, sees it as Hyunsik being genuinely interested. He likes this part, realizes he wants to get to know more about this part of Hyunsik. He just received a small, while origami lily from Hyunsik who said something about remembering that Ilhoon liked the smell of them when their table just so happened to have a lily centerpiece. He apologized that this one didn’t smell, but he hoped Ilhoon liked it all the same and of course Ilhoon secretly loved it.
It’s after he received the flower, still a bit dazed by Hyunsik, when he’s walking down that same hall with the lockers again that he bumps into the same guy. Instead of being thrown into the lockers, this time the guy grabs Ilhoon by the front of his school polo and pulls him way too close for comfort.
“Who do you think you are to be hanging out with the captain?” His breath smells like the garlic chicken the school served for lunch and it makes Ilhoon’s stomach churn.
“I’m not doing anything,” Ilhoon says, frantically grabbing at the guys arm because his shirt is pulled a little too tight around his neck.
“Let him go,” a voice says from behind Ilhoon and he knows all too well who it is.
"But captain…” the guy shakes Ilhoon a bit.
Hyunsik steps up beside them, grabbing the guy’s wrist, squeezing tight enough to cut off circulation, speaking through clenched teeth. “I said, let him go.”
The guy drops Ilhoon who didn’t even realize his feet weren’t completely touching the ground until he had to stand on his own. He stumbles backwards, catching his breath, watching as the two beastly jocks faceoff.
Hyunsik uses enough force to push his teammate into the lockers, holding him there with an arm across his chest. “If you ever touch him again, I’ll end your soccer career before it even starts.” There’s no room for jokes in the tone of his voice. He’s speaking as a captain and maybe something a little more dangerous, something that hasn’t snapped in him yet. “Don’t touch his friends or any of the other kids at this school. You’ve had your fun. It’s time for you to grow up and stop being a dick.” Hyunsik presses his arm harder into the guy’s chest. “Understand?”
The guy nods twice. “I understand captain.”
“Good.” Hyunsik let’s up on him as he steps back. “Make sure you relay that message to everyone else. I’m sick of babysitting a bunch of assholes.”
They both watch as the guy rushes off down the hall without looking back. Hyunsik’s message was loud and clear, striking just the right chords in Ilhoon’s heart.
“Are you okay?” Hyunsik asks, coming to his side, reaching out to touch him but deciding he might not have the right to do so.
“Yeah.” Ilhoon rubs at his neck as he stares up at Hyunsik’s anxious visage. He smiles before standing up a little straighter as he says, “Would you like to take me out on a date?”
Hyunsik’s mouth gapes as he tries to register what Ilhoon just asked him. “What?”
Ilhoon inches a bit closer. “I would really like to get to know this Hyunsik a bit better.”
Hyunsik can only nod, giving him that ridiculously beautiful, idiotic, swoon-inducing smile of his and this time Ilhoon lets himself fall into it.
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BTOB
Pairing: Ilhoon/Hyunsik
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ilhoon meets an unlikely guest while working as a cross-dressing hostess at a nightclub.
A/N: I really like when Ilhoon plays Ilsoon and I can’t help how good him and Hyunsik look together and this just had to happen…INSPIRATION
Saturday nights are always busy at the club, especially for hostesses with good reputations. Ilhoon has a good reputation or should it be Ilsoon considering that’s his hostess name. It’s not very creative but he doesn’t mind that’s it’s so similar to his real name, makes it easier to remember. He chose it on the spot because the club had to put a name in their records of hostesses to choose from and he didn’t have much time to think about it. Most of the other hostesses chose foreign names like Penelope, Amber, or Jessica, but he didn’t really care to make himself seem exotic by choosing a foreign name; it wouldn’t fit his character anyways.
The thing is, the club that Ilhoon works at employs cross-dressers as their hostesses. The usual employees get a kick out of dressing up and playing different roles, some even live in their roles permanently, feeling that they were destined to be women, but not Ilhoon. He’s never really cross-dressed before and he’s never had a desire to act like a woman, but he needs a job, the pay is good, and he doesn’t think anyone will recognize him outside of work. He also doesn’t think anyone he’s knows will come to this sort of club, not to mention, he’s still in high school and the club hours are later in the day so he doesn’t have that conflict to worry about. All in all, it’s the perfect job choice for him, apart from the fact that he is underage and he couldn’t legally get the job. A fake ID was easy enough to obtain and he thinks it’s worth the risk working here because honestly, the pay is really, really good.
The character he created for himself is a chic businesswoman. He wears a short cut, black wig with bangs and stuffs himself until he’s a busty D-cup. He opts for shorter, tighter dresses that expose his legs and puts on just enough makeup to look smart without trying too hard. He likes the natural look and really, he’s feminine enough to pull off his look without it seeming obvious that he’s a guy. Some customers even question his gender, wondering if he’s really a women working at a cross-dressing club for kicks.
Ilhoon doesn’t mind though; it’s part of the job and after his first few customers, he started getting into character, fully becoming Ilsoon while he’s dressed up and working. He forgets himself a little, plays into the imaginary setting the club creates, loses himself to become Ilsoon to attend to his high-paying customers needs. If anyone asked, he probably wouldn’t admit that he kind of enjoys being Ilsoon sometimes.
It’s a Saturday night when he’s in full character, going from one customer to another easily until he hits a speed bump. He’s been given another customer, a new guest the manager had told him and Ilhoon had thought he was ready for anything, but this was beyond his expectations. The new customer was sitting in Ilhoon’s designated booth, but he wasn’t exactly new to Ilhoon. In fact, Ilhoon’s sure he’s seen this guy’s face everyday for the past two years waltzing around the school like he owns the place with his posse following his every move. He was all too familiar to Ilhoon. I mean, who wouldn’t know the most popular guy in school, the captain of the soccer team, Mr. Prince Charming with his beautiful smiles and perfect body and why would a guy like that be a place like this?
Ilhoon balks when he sees him, contemplating how cruel the world must be because there are so many other hostesses to choose from and yet, Mr. Prince Charming chose him. It takes a few moments for Ilhoon to find his composure, reminding himself that he’s not Ilhoon right now, he’s Ilsoon and Ilsoon is confident and chic and guys like Mr. Prince Charming are nothing Ilsoon can’t handle. He straightens himself up, brushing his fingers through his hair, making sure his chest is straight before striding over to his designated booth.
He clears his throat, placing a hand on his hip as he stands beside the booth. A smirk plays at his lips as he extends his hand in greeting, palm down and fingers curled under very feminine-like. Mr. Prince Charming grins widely, standing as he takes the offered hand gently.
“Hyunsik,” he says. “And your name is?”
“Ilsoon,” he replies, disguising his voice as always.
Hyunsik gestures for them to take a seat at the rounded booth. Ilhoon chooses to slide in beside Hyunsik, purposely staying close. He likes to tease his customers that way. They’re quiet for a moment, Hyunsik unsure of what to do or say.
“Is this your first time at a place like this?” Ilhoon asks to diffuse the awkward silence.
“Yeah,” Hyunsik laughs self-consciously. “I’m not really sure how this works.”
“You can start by buying me a drink,” Ilhoon says, crossing his legs getting comfortable.
“What would you like?”
Ilhoon chuckles. “This isn’t about what I would like. It’s about what you like. You’re paying for it.”
“Right.” Hyunsik spots the nearest waitress and orders two cokes. At least he’s not pretending to be older by ordering alcohol.
The silence returns and Ilhoon shifts in his seat, pulling his dress down to cover his thighs a little better. As he does so, he notices Hyunsik’s eyes wandering. Tucking the curve of his finger under Hyunsik’s chin, Ilhoon tilts his head up. “I’m up here handsome.”
Their eyes meet briefly before Hyunsik’s turning away and fiddling with his fingers in his lap. Their drinks appear giving them something to occupy their time with, but it doesn’t last for long. Hyunsik musters up enough courage to look at Ilhoon again to find he’s being watched intently. Their eye’s meet again and Hyunsik finds himself staring a little deeper.
“Have we met?” he asks, shocking Ilhoon who keeps his calm facade.
“No,” he says confidently. “I would definitely remember meeting someone as handsome as you.” He’s technically not lying. They run in different circles at school, so they haven’t officially met, but that doesn’t mean Hyunsik hasn’t seen him before.
“Really?” Hyunsik leans in, a bit too closely for Ilhoon’s liking but he doesn’t shy away; it’s not in his character to. “You just look so familiar.”
Ilhoon grins, shaking his head. “I’m sure,” he says, placing a hand on Hyunsik’s forearm. “Why don’t we get to know each other now?”
They fill the rest of the hour that Hyunsik paid for with small talk, nothing really significant, but Ilhoon likes it. He likes seeing Hyunsik so comfortable, so relaxed. It’s like he’s finally being himself, like he’s always pretending to be someone else at school around his friends. Ilhoon thinks this side of Hyunsik is so much more interesting than the meathead persona he puts on in front of his peers.
“Why do you come to a place like this?” Ilhoon asks curiously during their second Saturday together. “I’m sure you can find someone to spend time with you for free.”
Hyunsik shrugs. “Sometimes I just feel like I have to get away from the people I know. It’s like they all expect something from me.” He sips at his coke.
“Like what?” Ilhoon absentmindedly traces the hem of his dark grey dress where it meets the middle of his thigh.
Hyunsik tentatively brushes his fingers across the back of Ilhoon’s hand. “I guess everyone expects me to be this person, like I’m supposed to act a certain way, do certain things, but I’m not sure I like that person everyone wants me to be.”
Ilhoon nods, turning his hand over, opening it in offering to Hyunsik who laces their fingers together. Ilhoon runs his thumb across Hyunsik’s soothingly. “Who do you want to be?”
Hyunsik stares at their hands for a while in thought. “I don’t know,” he whispers just above the music of the club. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
“You know,” Ilhoon pulls their hands up to his lips, barely kissing the back of Hyunsik’s as he smiles. “You can always change if you want to.”
They gaze intimately at one another before Hyunsik smiles ridiculously wide, eyes crinkling as they disappear. “I’ll definitely start thinking about it,” he says. “Do you have any requests for the new Hyunsik?”
Ilhoon leans into Hyunsik, somewhat entranced by that smile of his. “All I can ask is that you be honest with yourself, that you are exactly who you want to be. I want you to like yourself.”
Hyunsik closes the gap between them, lips gently meeting Ilhoon’s in a fleeting kiss. “I like who I am when I’m with you.”
Ilhoon’s heart pounds in his ears as he takes in the moment, questioning whether he heard Hyunsik properly because there’s no way a moment like this can be real, not in Ilhoon’s world.
“Are you sure we haven’t met somewhere else before?” Hyunsik asks the third Saturday he comes to visit. “I swear you look so familiar.”
Ilhoon shrugs, turning towards Hyunsik until their legs are resting against one another. “Maybe I just have a common face.”
“No,” Hyunsik says, feeling a little brave as he traces Ilhoon’s jaw with his fingers, grinning all the while. “You’re too beautiful to be common.”
Ilhoon has to look down to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. “You probably say that to all the girls, wooing them with your ridiculous eye smiles.”
Hyunsik tucks his finger under Ilhoon’s chin, mimicking the same action Ilhoon did the first time they met. “I’m up here beautiful,” he says, smiling that ridiculous, swoon-inducing smile of his.
Ilhoon finds he can’t look away.
The fifth Saturday that Hyunsik comes to the bar, Ilhoon avoids him. He doesn’t know why, but for some reason seeing Hyunsik again scares him. He’s afraid of Hyunsik getting too close, of him figuring out that Ilhoon is hidden behind Ilsoon, of him possibly disliking Ilhoon because Ilhoon really likes Hyunsik. At least he likes the Hyunsik that comes to the club and he’s worried that maybe Hyunsik will only like the club version of Ilhoon too. He doesn’t want to be brokenhearted, doesn’t think he can handle it, so he chooses to stop the fantasy before it gets out of hand.
“He’s asking for you specifically,” the manager says.
“Tell him I’m booked up or something.” Ilhoon stays out of sight behind the manager’s booth. “Please, I can’t see him tonight.”
“Is there something going on between you two? Are you dating? You know my rules about bringing boyfriends into the club.”
Ilhoon waves his hands and shakes his head. “No, no. We’re not together. Please just send him away. I’ll increase my earnings tonight to make up for the loss, but I really can’t see him.” He clutches his hands together, as if praying profusely to his boss.
“Fine, but you better deliver. You know it’s not in my practice to turn away customers.”
“Thank you. Thank you.” Ilhoon sighs in relief. “I’ll work hard.”
The manager feeds Hyunsik a lie and Ilhoon secretly watches his walk away crestfallen. It sends a twinge to Ilhoon’s heart but he tells himself this is for the best.
This routine repeats. Hyunsik comes to the club, not just on Saturdays anymore, asking for Ilsoon and the manager turns him away upon Ilhoon’s request. The manager doesn’t ask much, doesn’t care much because Ilsoon delivers when it comes to customers.
It’s easy for Ilhoon to avoid Hyunsik at the club and he thought it would also be easy to avoid him at school considering they’ve been attending the same one for two years and have never actually crossed paths. But fate seems to have a vendetta against Ilhoon or something.
It happens while Ilhoon is talking to one of his friends walking down the hall during lunch break. It’s pretty crowded and Ilhoon should have been paying more attention, but the fact that he got pushed completely into a locker three feet away screamed intentional harassment. He falls to the ground, thick-framed glasses flying off his face in the process. A sickening crunch is heard as the same person who pushed him into the locker stomps on them, laughing in the process. He has contacts choosing to only wear his glasses at school, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t expensive and he can’t afford another pair.
Something in him snaps. He shoots up furiously pushing the guy into the lockers screaming, “What’s your problem?” Everything’s fuzzy around the edges, but he can easily make out the letterman jacket and the fact that this guy is much bigger than himself.
The guy laughs, before gripping Ilhoon by the shoulders and tossing him easily into the lockers. Ilhoon’s face hits a lock, blurring his vision even more and he knows it’s going to leave a bruise. As he clutches his face, he looks up, eyes landing on a familiar face standing in the crowd, only this time the face isn’t smiling.
This is what Ilhoon was afraid of; this version of Hyunsik that can stand before him, face placid as he watches his friends abuse innocent bystanders for fun. He detests this part of Hyunsik, thinks this bit of bad cancels out all of the good he’s come to know about him. Ilhoon’s glad he stopped everything before it started, but it still hurts, knowing that he could have fell for Hyunsik, that he almost did.
Ilhoon makes it to the club early the night of the incident. He’s already dressed in a tight, red cocktail dress that hangs low on his shoulders. He’s caked on more makeup than usual, but the bruise is still obvious and the manager notices as soon as Ilhoon comes to the front booth to check in.
“I’m sorry Ilsoon. I can’t let you work like this.”
“But I need to work. I need the money.”
“I know, but I can’t have you on the floor looking like that. I can’t sell damaged goods.” He turns to acknowledge another hostess for a moment. “You’ll have to take a few nights off until this gets better.” He gestures towards Ilhoon’s face. “It’s a shame. You’re one of my best workers.”
Ilhoon slumps dejectedly, angry with how cruel fate is to him, only to have fate lash out once more as Hyunsik appears at the window of the booth. Their eyes meet. Realization crosses Hyunsik’s face as he sees the bruise, finally connecting the dots. Ilhoon storms out of the back of the booth before Hyunsik can say anything.
He finds it difficult to change back into his regular skinny jeans and t-shirt as he prepares to leave the club. He takes his time removing his makeup, wishing will all his might that he doesn’t bump into Hyunsik when he leaves. He chooses to take the back door for employees only and of course, Hyunsik’s waiting for him perched up against the wall looking handsome as always.
Ilhoon decidedly ignores him as he walks down the back alley, the scent of garbage attacking his nose, fueling the annoyance in the pit of his stomach.
“Hey,” Hyunsik says shyly, following in Ilhoon’s footsteps. “You lied to me. I do know you.”
Ilhoon whips around causing Hyunsik to stop short. “No, I didn’t,” he says. “You asked if we’ve met before and we haven’t.” Ilhoon glares at him for a moment before turning, continuing his march down the alley.
Hyunsik follows stubbornly. “Okay, so we never officially met, but I do know you.”
“No, you don’t know me.” Ilhoon stops again as Hyunsik comes up beside him. “You know nothing about me and I clearly know nothing about you.”
“But I want to get to know you.” Hyunsik reaches for Ilhoon’s arm only to be shaken off.
“Why? Why are you so interested in me?” The anger is clear in Ilhoon’s voice as he takes a step back adding space between them.
Hyunsik hesitates. “Because I like you.”
“What do you like about me?”
“You’re interesting. You’re beautiful, mature, and confident.” Hyunsik lists all these things off as Ilhoon shakes his head.
“But I’m not. That person in there, the one you come to meet every day, isn’t me. She’s just a character I created. She doesn’t leave the club,” he says, pointing back at the grungy brick wall he just came from.
“Then I want to get to know the real you. The you without the makeup and the dresses.”
Ilhoon laughs dryly because this is too much. “I don’t want you to get to know me. The problem is, I feel like I already know the real you and he’s stuck back inside that club too. I don’t like the person you are outside those walls.”
Hyunsik’s mind goes blank, completely stunned by Ilhoon’s words. He can’t argue against them. They’re so painfully true; he hates himself for being able to admit it. He stays rooted to his spot as Ilhoon stalks off, fighting back tears of frustration as he goes.
The next day, Ilhoon sits at his usual lunch table with his friends Sungjae and Peniel. They’re still recovering from the shock of yesterday’s events at the locker, with the bruise on Ilhoon’s face reminding them to be attentive of their surroundings. The day is progressing like any other, until a certain someone decides to sit beside Peniel, which happens to be directly in front of Ilhoon. He’s using every ounce of his concentration to ignore this uninvited guest, but his friends are nervous and people are staring.
“I’m sorry,” Hyunsik says, drawing Ilhoon’s attention, causing him to peek up out of the corner of his eye, only half-interested. “I’m sorry for having friends that are dicks. I’m sorry for letting myself be a dick.”
There’s a lull in the table’s surrounding them as everyone stares curious to see why the captain of the soccer team is talking to someone who’s lower on the totem pole than the AV nerds. Hyunsik easily ignores the audience, used to the attention. He slides a box of strawberry pocky across the table, giving Ilhoon that ridiculous, swoon-inducing smile of his.
“It’s your favorite right or is that also an Ilsoon thing?”
Ilhoon stiffens a bit at the mention of his character name. “Don’t talk about that here.” He looks away before standing up grabbing the box and his tray in the process. “And you’ll have to do better than some weak apology and a cheap box of sweets.”
He leaves his friends shell shocked with a now slightly hopeful Hyunsik. Ilhoon doesn’t want to admit that’s he pleasantly surprised Hyunsik brought him strawberry pocky because he doesn’t remember ever telling Hyunsik it’s favorite, which means Hyunsik was paying attention, that he actually cared to know Ilhoon.
The next few days progress slowly with Hyunsik bringing Ilhoon little gifts, things he noticed about Ilhoon that never seemed all that significant. Ilhoon can’t even lie to himself anymore. He finds Hyunsik’s over-awareness of him charming, sees it as Hyunsik being genuinely interested. He likes this part, realizes he wants to get to know more about this part of Hyunsik. He just received a small, while origami lily from Hyunsik who said something about remembering that Ilhoon liked the smell of them when their table just so happened to have a lily centerpiece. He apologized that this one didn’t smell, but he hoped Ilhoon liked it all the same and of course Ilhoon secretly loved it.
It’s after he received the flower, still a bit dazed by Hyunsik, when he’s walking down that same hall with the lockers again that he bumps into the same guy. Instead of being thrown into the lockers, this time the guy grabs Ilhoon by the front of his school polo and pulls him way too close for comfort.
“Who do you think you are to be hanging out with the captain?” His breath smells like the garlic chicken the school served for lunch and it makes Ilhoon’s stomach churn.
“I’m not doing anything,” Ilhoon says, frantically grabbing at the guys arm because his shirt is pulled a little too tight around his neck.
“Let him go,” a voice says from behind Ilhoon and he knows all too well who it is.
"But captain…” the guy shakes Ilhoon a bit.
Hyunsik steps up beside them, grabbing the guy’s wrist, squeezing tight enough to cut off circulation, speaking through clenched teeth. “I said, let him go.”
The guy drops Ilhoon who didn’t even realize his feet weren’t completely touching the ground until he had to stand on his own. He stumbles backwards, catching his breath, watching as the two beastly jocks faceoff.
Hyunsik uses enough force to push his teammate into the lockers, holding him there with an arm across his chest. “If you ever touch him again, I’ll end your soccer career before it even starts.” There’s no room for jokes in the tone of his voice. He’s speaking as a captain and maybe something a little more dangerous, something that hasn’t snapped in him yet. “Don’t touch his friends or any of the other kids at this school. You’ve had your fun. It’s time for you to grow up and stop being a dick.” Hyunsik presses his arm harder into the guy’s chest. “Understand?”
The guy nods twice. “I understand captain.”
“Good.” Hyunsik let’s up on him as he steps back. “Make sure you relay that message to everyone else. I’m sick of babysitting a bunch of assholes.”
They both watch as the guy rushes off down the hall without looking back. Hyunsik’s message was loud and clear, striking just the right chords in Ilhoon’s heart.
“Are you okay?” Hyunsik asks, coming to his side, reaching out to touch him but deciding he might not have the right to do so.
“Yeah.” Ilhoon rubs at his neck as he stares up at Hyunsik’s anxious visage. He smiles before standing up a little straighter as he says, “Would you like to take me out on a date?”
Hyunsik’s mouth gapes as he tries to register what Ilhoon just asked him. “What?”
Ilhoon inches a bit closer. “I would really like to get to know this Hyunsik a bit better.”
Hyunsik can only nod, giving him that ridiculously beautiful, idiotic, swoon-inducing smile of his and this time Ilhoon lets himself fall into it.