The blissful combination of tear gas, shock grenades and sexual assult
I took s clonex pill that Sil gave me, to stop the panic attack/ She said it would make me somewhat disorientaed and eventually make me sleep. I hope she's right. I know I shouldn't take unsubscribtioned psychiatric pills, but I think it's an extreme case.
When I went to Hebron today, I knew that it would be harsh. I mean, for starters it meant waking up at 6:45. I assumed it would mean arrest, or detention, hard beating, and potentially some tear gas and shock grenades. Nothing prepared me for what really happened.
The way there was pretty nice, aside from being exhausted. I had good company, and fun talks, and the feew hours we spent at the PPP - Palestinian comunist party, were also rather pleasent. We got the best humus, and some great falafels, learnt a few more Arabic words, and made signs.
Then we went to the demonstaration. As soon as we got to the Shohada street entrance they started shooting. The Israeli group dispersed and Assaf and I couldn't locate the others. We thought they were shooting live ammunation, only later we found out that these were new type of shock grenades. We ran uphill, bent, hiding by the fence. These were amongst the most terryfing moments of my life. Then came the gaz, and more shooing. and soldiers closing on on us from three direcions. We ran and hid in the hall of some building, under the stairs, inhaling our onions like mads. Calling to update our back, and tryng to find out what happened to the others. At some point we tried to get out. I opened the door. No oxygen, just gas came in. I closed it quickly. After a while, some person who lived there walked us back to the school from which the demo started. There the real nightmare began.
It was just the two of us alone there. We had no idea about the location of the others. We heard the explosions, and tried to figure out a way to reconnect with them. Kids ten to fifteen year olds started gathering around us, at first just asking for our names and origin, but as time went by a couple of the girls started grabbing at my hair, and boys followed their lead. I said "Laa", and "Chalas", no and stop, but they kept on closing in. more and more of them. We tried to move around, get away, call people, but nobody had any idea what we were going through, and nobody was in a position to help. It went on and on for 40 minutes, or more. We tried to get back to the demo, figuring that it would be better, but couldn't fnd our way, and there were soldiers aiming their guns at us and blocking the way in every road we tried, and each time we found ourselves again, surrounded by these kids. By then every sexual assualt I'd ever underwent was triggered, and I was completely panicked. They disperesed a bit after one of our shots, and we hid at some corner for a while. Then people started calling telling us to come down, then telling us to go up again, then come down, and the soldiers will let you pass, then no they won't stay were you are. Uphill downhill, uphill downhiThen they said to come down again, but we lost the way and the kids were all around us again. I ran into a cloths shop said that if any other kid will touch me I'll start screming hysterically and stayed in. Assaf joined me in, and fortunately enough the shop owners realized whats going on, and along with some woman of our groupo that joined us kept them out. They also guided our friends to the location and helped us out.
Then in a way I was safe, there were familier hands holding me, hugging, helping me walk, rying to help, but then I could aslo cry, and ever since, couldn't relly stop.
Sil took me to her place, we had Etipoian food, and then cake and tea. She gave me hugs, and disractions and support, but had some roommate troubles, so eventually I had to leave. Daniel was dealing with some other crisis, and Raanan was at a school party so I had to go back to Tel Aviv. Went to Ori and Anat, but Anat was already asleep by the time I got here, and Ori, as sympatetic as he may be, can't really understand how I fell, how horrible that is.
Maybe I shuld've stayed and gotten drunk with the Jerusalem people who are not as close. I was invited. I don't knwo. Maybe.
So I took a pill, hope to sleep soon.
Can't help but wonder if when I promised Carmel that I'll make sure he knows if anything worse than gas happens to me in a demo, was sexual assault includede? Can't deny the fact that I wanted to call.
Sheikh Jarrah tomorrow. Can't get arrested. Hope for some more support. I'll need it.
Am grateful to Sil, and all those wonderful people who hugged and supported her, and to Adi who called.Things get foggy, maybe it's time for bed. Tomorrow won't be an easy day, I know that.
When I went to Hebron today, I knew that it would be harsh. I mean, for starters it meant waking up at 6:45. I assumed it would mean arrest, or detention, hard beating, and potentially some tear gas and shock grenades. Nothing prepared me for what really happened.
The way there was pretty nice, aside from being exhausted. I had good company, and fun talks, and the feew hours we spent at the PPP - Palestinian comunist party, were also rather pleasent. We got the best humus, and some great falafels, learnt a few more Arabic words, and made signs.
Then we went to the demonstaration. As soon as we got to the Shohada street entrance they started shooting. The Israeli group dispersed and Assaf and I couldn't locate the others. We thought they were shooting live ammunation, only later we found out that these were new type of shock grenades. We ran uphill, bent, hiding by the fence. These were amongst the most terryfing moments of my life. Then came the gaz, and more shooing. and soldiers closing on on us from three direcions. We ran and hid in the hall of some building, under the stairs, inhaling our onions like mads. Calling to update our back, and tryng to find out what happened to the others. At some point we tried to get out. I opened the door. No oxygen, just gas came in. I closed it quickly. After a while, some person who lived there walked us back to the school from which the demo started. There the real nightmare began.
It was just the two of us alone there. We had no idea about the location of the others. We heard the explosions, and tried to figure out a way to reconnect with them. Kids ten to fifteen year olds started gathering around us, at first just asking for our names and origin, but as time went by a couple of the girls started grabbing at my hair, and boys followed their lead. I said "Laa", and "Chalas", no and stop, but they kept on closing in. more and more of them. We tried to move around, get away, call people, but nobody had any idea what we were going through, and nobody was in a position to help. It went on and on for 40 minutes, or more. We tried to get back to the demo, figuring that it would be better, but couldn't fnd our way, and there were soldiers aiming their guns at us and blocking the way in every road we tried, and each time we found ourselves again, surrounded by these kids. By then every sexual assualt I'd ever underwent was triggered, and I was completely panicked. They disperesed a bit after one of our shots, and we hid at some corner for a while. Then people started calling telling us to come down, then telling us to go up again, then come down, and the soldiers will let you pass, then no they won't stay were you are. Uphill downhill, uphill downhiThen they said to come down again, but we lost the way and the kids were all around us again. I ran into a cloths shop said that if any other kid will touch me I'll start screming hysterically and stayed in. Assaf joined me in, and fortunately enough the shop owners realized whats going on, and along with some woman of our groupo that joined us kept them out. They also guided our friends to the location and helped us out.
Then in a way I was safe, there were familier hands holding me, hugging, helping me walk, rying to help, but then I could aslo cry, and ever since, couldn't relly stop.
Sil took me to her place, we had Etipoian food, and then cake and tea. She gave me hugs, and disractions and support, but had some roommate troubles, so eventually I had to leave. Daniel was dealing with some other crisis, and Raanan was at a school party so I had to go back to Tel Aviv. Went to Ori and Anat, but Anat was already asleep by the time I got here, and Ori, as sympatetic as he may be, can't really understand how I fell, how horrible that is.
Maybe I shuld've stayed and gotten drunk with the Jerusalem people who are not as close. I was invited. I don't knwo. Maybe.
So I took a pill, hope to sleep soon.
Can't help but wonder if when I promised Carmel that I'll make sure he knows if anything worse than gas happens to me in a demo, was sexual assault includede? Can't deny the fact that I wanted to call.
Sheikh Jarrah tomorrow. Can't get arrested. Hope for some more support. I'll need it.
Am grateful to Sil, and all those wonderful people who hugged and supported her, and to Adi who called.Things get foggy, maybe it's time for bed. Tomorrow won't be an easy day, I know that.