(no subject)
EVERY situation in my life I feel indifferent about as of right now
Everything stable in my life is completely gone.
Every relationship in my life right now is questionable. I don’t know where in the hell im going to be in 2 years from now. As of right now my life has no purpose, I have no ambition, and nothing to work for.
I no longer have that rock in my life. That feeling of knowing that someone is going to be there no matter what, is gone.
When we seperated I had the thought in my head that he was going to always be there and that things werent going to change much. But all he does is just try to make me jealous because “I hurt him so fucking badly”. He doesn’t even know half of what I did behind his back. I don’t know what to do, but I guess I cant be friends with everyone, no matter how hard I try.
We arent even talking at all right now. Which in a way I think he needs this. Us getting in this fight was probably the best thing for him. He can move on find a girl that isnt going to fuck with his head. I don’t know what made me do what I did to him. I cant even tell him what I did because I know it will kill him. And ever since that day, I havent felt the same. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t see how anyone can do that to someone. But believe me… karma has been biting me in the ass ever since.
I don’t know why its so hard for me to know he is no longer in love with me. But it is killing me everytime I think about it.
I noticed him getting over me, day by day he was getting less and less interested in me.
I tried so hard to keep him loving me though, and I have no idea why!
Why am I such a bad person. I cant just let him move on from me and fall in love. He deserves the best and I just cant let him have it for some reason.
Im so scatterbrained about everything.
This blows.