I'm such a freakin waste
Today seemed like it was going to be great, up until the very end, where it seemed like not only was my day a waste, but I was.
I woke up slightly early, around 10am, because I knew that Steve would be coming to Macomb today, and I wanted myself to be perfect, like I usually do, everything to be perfect. I did my laundry, cleaned my room, went for a run, normal weekend stuff, but got it out of the way early.
Took a shower and got dressed thinking about my wardrobe, perhaps too much. Had to incorporate red somehow. Says he loves red on a woman. Thought about a skirt, but a skirt would be too obvious, I don't wear them enough. Had my hair down and used some hair styling stuff so it had that curl I hate so much, but people say looks so wonderful on me. Even had my good shoes, the ones that make my legs look amazing.
I went out to get some things from the local grocery store, ended up at Walgreen's too looking for things I would need for my day to be perfect. Bought some makings for sandwiches, something I knew he liked. Looked endlessly for something that smelled of peach, that I didn't end up finding. I suppose it doesn't exist in Macomb. Bought an air freshener so if he was ever in my room it wouldn't smell like cedar chips from my hamster.
Called him when I got back and he said he'd be here around 5-6pm. Whatever, that's cool. I tried not to let onto my excitement, because I didn't want to sound pushy or needy or easy for that matter. So I decided to try my hardest to keep myself preoccupied for several hours.
6:30 rolls around and I wonder where he is. I call. He's with a friend on the other side of campus, I'll see him later sometime. So I go out to a Mexican place with friends to try and keep myself busy. It's a lot of fun, but all the while I wonder where he is.
It gets much later, I'm back in the dorms with people playing bored games around 9, says he'll be there soon, but then when I finally call he says he's gotten dragged to an improv show, and he'll be there after words.
Whatever, I wait while trying to have a good time with my friends.
It's nearing midnight, he finally gets out of the show. He says he'll head over. I wait.
He doesn't show up and I send a text message, he says he's going to sleep.
Now I feel lied to, and I feel worthless.
I wasn't even important enough to come find, or bring his friends with to see. He's on campus, and he may as well be in Chicago still. It's like, I don't exist. I'm not worth it.
I thought I was special. I guess I was wrong.
I woke up slightly early, around 10am, because I knew that Steve would be coming to Macomb today, and I wanted myself to be perfect, like I usually do, everything to be perfect. I did my laundry, cleaned my room, went for a run, normal weekend stuff, but got it out of the way early.
Took a shower and got dressed thinking about my wardrobe, perhaps too much. Had to incorporate red somehow. Says he loves red on a woman. Thought about a skirt, but a skirt would be too obvious, I don't wear them enough. Had my hair down and used some hair styling stuff so it had that curl I hate so much, but people say looks so wonderful on me. Even had my good shoes, the ones that make my legs look amazing.
I went out to get some things from the local grocery store, ended up at Walgreen's too looking for things I would need for my day to be perfect. Bought some makings for sandwiches, something I knew he liked. Looked endlessly for something that smelled of peach, that I didn't end up finding. I suppose it doesn't exist in Macomb. Bought an air freshener so if he was ever in my room it wouldn't smell like cedar chips from my hamster.
Called him when I got back and he said he'd be here around 5-6pm. Whatever, that's cool. I tried not to let onto my excitement, because I didn't want to sound pushy or needy or easy for that matter. So I decided to try my hardest to keep myself preoccupied for several hours.
6:30 rolls around and I wonder where he is. I call. He's with a friend on the other side of campus, I'll see him later sometime. So I go out to a Mexican place with friends to try and keep myself busy. It's a lot of fun, but all the while I wonder where he is.
It gets much later, I'm back in the dorms with people playing bored games around 9, says he'll be there soon, but then when I finally call he says he's gotten dragged to an improv show, and he'll be there after words.
Whatever, I wait while trying to have a good time with my friends.
It's nearing midnight, he finally gets out of the show. He says he'll head over. I wait.
He doesn't show up and I send a text message, he says he's going to sleep.
Now I feel lied to, and I feel worthless.
I wasn't even important enough to come find, or bring his friends with to see. He's on campus, and he may as well be in Chicago still. It's like, I don't exist. I'm not worth it.
I thought I was special. I guess I was wrong.