(no subject)
Although we've never been together as a couple, it feels like we broke up last night. We decided that we cannot continue having the relationship that we have because it's making things too complicated. I want more than a friendship, but he can't give that to me. We pretty much laid everything on the table, and he said that he likes me a little more than a friend, but he can't be my boyfriend. He just doesn't want that in his life right now. It sucks because it's been this way for 2 years, and I can't get past him. The more time we spend together, the more I want to be with him. Everyone says it seems like we're dating, and that we should just make it official, but he can't make that commitment.
He played this song for me as we were laying in bed together, claiming this is exactly how he feels. Oh, how Johnny Cash has a way with words, I couldn't help but cry...
"It Ain't Me, Babe"
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes to you
Someone to close his heart
Someone to die for you and more
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
You say you're lookin' for someone
To pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
And to come each time you call
And will love you for your life
And nothin' more
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
EDIT: I started writing this entry on Thursday morning. When I came home from work that day, he stopped by and was acting kinda strange. He gave me a $10 Best Buy gift card (that he received for free with his purchase, might I add), then proceeded to admit that he wanted to buy me a DVD, but just didn't do it. I asked him why he was being so nice, and he said that he felt bad about the night before. He claimed that the vibe was off. Since then, things feel as if nothing particularly changed from the time we had that conversation. We've cooked each other dinner for the past two nights, hung out and watched tv...However, he did say something that really pissed me off last night. He was talking to my roommate and his roommate about dating, and said that going to the movies is a bad idea. So I chimed in by saying, "Yeah, it is, because you fall asleep." Then he snapped and said, "Wait a minute, that wasn't a date." We went to see a movie together about a month and a half ago, and he payed for me. I took out my wallet and offered to pay him back, but then he said not to worry. Soon after he said, "This is why I don't take girls out on dates--I'm cheap." Right before we walked into the theater, he told me to find us seats, and asked if I wanted anything from the snack bar. Then once the movie was over, he hailed a cab for himself, and just before he got in, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and went on his way. Oh, and I can't forget the phone convo we had later that night. I thanked him for taking me out, and he said, "Don't thank me. I owed it to you."
Call me crazy, but wouldn't statements and actions such as those imply that it was, indeed, a date? I'll admit, as much as I want to think that it was one, I have to try to convince myself otherwise because I know he'd say something like that in front of our friends. Why can't he just admit to himself (as well as others) that it's okay to take me out and call it a fucking date? This kid stresses me out so much. I need to take a vacation from him lol.
He played this song for me as we were laying in bed together, claiming this is exactly how he feels. Oh, how Johnny Cash has a way with words, I couldn't help but cry...
"It Ain't Me, Babe"
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'll only let you down
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes to you
Someone to close his heart
Someone to die for you and more
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
You say you're lookin' for someone
To pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
And to come each time you call
And will love you for your life
And nothin' more
But it ain't me babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe
EDIT: I started writing this entry on Thursday morning. When I came home from work that day, he stopped by and was acting kinda strange. He gave me a $10 Best Buy gift card (that he received for free with his purchase, might I add), then proceeded to admit that he wanted to buy me a DVD, but just didn't do it. I asked him why he was being so nice, and he said that he felt bad about the night before. He claimed that the vibe was off. Since then, things feel as if nothing particularly changed from the time we had that conversation. We've cooked each other dinner for the past two nights, hung out and watched tv...However, he did say something that really pissed me off last night. He was talking to my roommate and his roommate about dating, and said that going to the movies is a bad idea. So I chimed in by saying, "Yeah, it is, because you fall asleep." Then he snapped and said, "Wait a minute, that wasn't a date." We went to see a movie together about a month and a half ago, and he payed for me. I took out my wallet and offered to pay him back, but then he said not to worry. Soon after he said, "This is why I don't take girls out on dates--I'm cheap." Right before we walked into the theater, he told me to find us seats, and asked if I wanted anything from the snack bar. Then once the movie was over, he hailed a cab for himself, and just before he got in, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and went on his way. Oh, and I can't forget the phone convo we had later that night. I thanked him for taking me out, and he said, "Don't thank me. I owed it to you."
Call me crazy, but wouldn't statements and actions such as those imply that it was, indeed, a date? I'll admit, as much as I want to think that it was one, I have to try to convince myself otherwise because I know he'd say something like that in front of our friends. Why can't he just admit to himself (as well as others) that it's okay to take me out and call it a fucking date? This kid stresses me out so much. I need to take a vacation from him lol.