(no subject)
So, today is my 22nd birthday...
Yeah.
Woo.
I guess being I have to work, I'm not entirely excited. Or perhaps I got the excitement out of my system when going out on Friday and Saturday.
Or maybe it's something else...
I was hanging out with Tynan last night, and he was constantly talking about one of my roommates. It caught me off guard cause he never, ever brings up her name as often as he did last night. I noticed that they've been hanging out a lot lately, and I hate to admit this, but it's getting to me. I've never had to compete with someone to get his attention. For two years, it's always been just me and Tynan. Now that we live down the hall from one another, my roommates have gotten to know him and his roomies. At first, my roommates would only come over because I was there. Now that they've gotten to know the guys, they no longer go to chase after me, but stop by to hang out with them. I should be happy that everyone is getting along, but I can't help but feel jealous. I miss hanging out with him one on one. It erks me when we're hanging out, then someone else walks in the room mid-way in our conversation and stays in the room.
But as far as last night went, something seemed different. I couldn't help but get the feeling that Tynan is attracted to my roommate. He offered to make me dinner, then right afterwards, he said I should ask my roomie if she wants some, too. When I did ask her, she said no, and on 3 occassions, he told me to ask if she wanted any, despite my relaying her message of "no." He made a few more remarks, and later in the evening, I just had it. I said, "Well, you'be been talking about 'so and so' a lot tonight. What's up with that?" Then he said he just noticed that she's been down in the dumps as of late and just wanted to be nice. Yeah, that's fine, but I can't help but think there's something a little deeper than that.
I don't want to feel this way because it's so frustrating--I have strong feelings for my best friend, who may have feelings for my roommate. How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? I want someone I can't have because he doesn't feel the same way about me. It's a kick in the stomach when he compares me to her, and says things like, "She took care of me when I was sick. She made me a grilled cheese sandwich." Yeah, well don't fucking forget who walked to the store to get you medicine, walked to another store to get you soup, cooked it, took your temperature multiple times, and tucked you into bed. Shit, I do so much for this fucking kid, and the one thing that sticks out in his mind is the fact that my fucking roommate made him a grilled cheese sandwich on one fucking occassion! Shit, I do so much for him practically every day!
I need to calm down cause I know I'm overreacting a bit. But it's so fucking hard dealing with emotions, especially when you know you can't do anything about them. I wish I could've gotten over him years ago, but for some reason I simply can't. And the fact that we spend so much time together only makes my feelings for him stronger. As stupid as this sounds, he's not the perfect guy, and I don't even know why I like him. But for some reason, I'm incredibly attracted to him (not just physically) and need him in my life. I tell him everything, and I trust him. But there are times when he can be such an ass, and I only want to punch him. We definitely have a love/hate relationship, but it works. Though we can get on each other's nerves at times, we still know how to pick up the pieces, and forget about our troubles the next day.
But there is something I want to make clear, though. I'm not holding myself back from meeting anyone else because of him. People may think I do, but I don't. In fact, I have dated other people despite liking him. I know where Tynan stands as far as his feelings go about me. He's told me he likes me, but he can't be my boyfriend. He doesn't want a girlfriend at this time in his life, and that's fine. Thus, I know I can't bank on having a relationship with him. But if I were to meet someone tonight who's the least bit interesting, I'll give that guy the time of day. I just wish that I didn't have these feelings for him anymore, and can have a normal friendship with him.
If it does turn out that Tynan likes my roommate, I don't know how I can deal with that. I know I'll get incredibly upset, and it's going to make things awkward for people. Fuck...I wish I could swallow a pill that will clear me up of this love sickness I have.
Yeah.
Woo.
I guess being I have to work, I'm not entirely excited. Or perhaps I got the excitement out of my system when going out on Friday and Saturday.
Or maybe it's something else...
I was hanging out with Tynan last night, and he was constantly talking about one of my roommates. It caught me off guard cause he never, ever brings up her name as often as he did last night. I noticed that they've been hanging out a lot lately, and I hate to admit this, but it's getting to me. I've never had to compete with someone to get his attention. For two years, it's always been just me and Tynan. Now that we live down the hall from one another, my roommates have gotten to know him and his roomies. At first, my roommates would only come over because I was there. Now that they've gotten to know the guys, they no longer go to chase after me, but stop by to hang out with them. I should be happy that everyone is getting along, but I can't help but feel jealous. I miss hanging out with him one on one. It erks me when we're hanging out, then someone else walks in the room mid-way in our conversation and stays in the room.
But as far as last night went, something seemed different. I couldn't help but get the feeling that Tynan is attracted to my roommate. He offered to make me dinner, then right afterwards, he said I should ask my roomie if she wants some, too. When I did ask her, she said no, and on 3 occassions, he told me to ask if she wanted any, despite my relaying her message of "no." He made a few more remarks, and later in the evening, I just had it. I said, "Well, you'be been talking about 'so and so' a lot tonight. What's up with that?" Then he said he just noticed that she's been down in the dumps as of late and just wanted to be nice. Yeah, that's fine, but I can't help but think there's something a little deeper than that.
I don't want to feel this way because it's so frustrating--I have strong feelings for my best friend, who may have feelings for my roommate. How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? I want someone I can't have because he doesn't feel the same way about me. It's a kick in the stomach when he compares me to her, and says things like, "She took care of me when I was sick. She made me a grilled cheese sandwich." Yeah, well don't fucking forget who walked to the store to get you medicine, walked to another store to get you soup, cooked it, took your temperature multiple times, and tucked you into bed. Shit, I do so much for this fucking kid, and the one thing that sticks out in his mind is the fact that my fucking roommate made him a grilled cheese sandwich on one fucking occassion! Shit, I do so much for him practically every day!
I need to calm down cause I know I'm overreacting a bit. But it's so fucking hard dealing with emotions, especially when you know you can't do anything about them. I wish I could've gotten over him years ago, but for some reason I simply can't. And the fact that we spend so much time together only makes my feelings for him stronger. As stupid as this sounds, he's not the perfect guy, and I don't even know why I like him. But for some reason, I'm incredibly attracted to him (not just physically) and need him in my life. I tell him everything, and I trust him. But there are times when he can be such an ass, and I only want to punch him. We definitely have a love/hate relationship, but it works. Though we can get on each other's nerves at times, we still know how to pick up the pieces, and forget about our troubles the next day.
But there is something I want to make clear, though. I'm not holding myself back from meeting anyone else because of him. People may think I do, but I don't. In fact, I have dated other people despite liking him. I know where Tynan stands as far as his feelings go about me. He's told me he likes me, but he can't be my boyfriend. He doesn't want a girlfriend at this time in his life, and that's fine. Thus, I know I can't bank on having a relationship with him. But if I were to meet someone tonight who's the least bit interesting, I'll give that guy the time of day. I just wish that I didn't have these feelings for him anymore, and can have a normal friendship with him.
If it does turn out that Tynan likes my roommate, I don't know how I can deal with that. I know I'll get incredibly upset, and it's going to make things awkward for people. Fuck...I wish I could swallow a pill that will clear me up of this love sickness I have.