thinking ahead
it's funny how a couple of weeks ago I was desperetely waiting for this particular time thinking things would be so much clearer but now that it's finally here, I gotta say I'm a bit confused (which most certainly is a result of my own insecurities but let's not go there)
so it's been a month. a whole month of seeing him, calling him, hanging out with him, going out with him, spending the night with him, doing nothing with him, doing a lot of things with him and thinking about him on a daily basis. that pretty much sums up the last 4 weeks for me. now don't get me wrong, the month I just had almost felt too good to be true, but it's left me with a couple of mixed feelings and i'm wondering if it's normal.
first of all, let me just say that Maxime is an awesome guy. getting to know him has been the best part of the last couple of weeks and I'm so happy I get to spend time with him. but at the same time, it's all I feel like we're doing, spending time with each other without knowing where we stand. Something i'd really want to find out but I’m scared shitless to even bring it up. Max once told me the last guy he was seeing (months ago) told him after 3 weeks that if he didn't want to "commit" that he didn't think he'd be able to see him again. and when I say commit, I mean, be more present, I guess the guy wanted him to be around more or whatever. so being the smart guy that I am, I made sure to avoid any kind of serious conversation about "us", playing the laid back kind of guy, waiting to see how things go. but as much as it was bugging me after 2 weeks, it's now driving me crazy after a month. I really do need some kind of heads-up but I'm afraid to bring it up. how is he gonna take it? 2 weeks ago I asked him he if liked spending time with me. I could see he felt uncomfortable, thinking where does that come from? and it's got me wondering, does he not think about us as an item.
and that's where I get confused. he's been giving me those hints for a while. those incredibly sweet hints that makes my heart skip a beat everytime. he seems to be thinking ahead. well either he's thinking ahead or playing with me. examples : he's moving out to a new apartment in July with 2 of his girl friends who I've already met. thing is they seem to be clueless he's gay (girls sometimes…) which is not a problem in itself but it got him talking one day saying that he's gonna have to tell them sooner or later otherwise they'll become suspicious when they see the same guy (me) coming over and over again and spending the night. and right there it said he still sees me in his life for the upcoming months. then on the subject of me coming out to my parents, when I told him it would take a while 'til I felt comfortable enough to bring a boy home for my parents to meet he said as a joke that he wasn't in a rush. and it made me smile cause if there's someone I'd consider bringing home, it'd be him. and I spare you the others since you probably get my point by now but it's all that subtext that's driving me crazy. I need to know what this really means, what we mean. I wanna know what his intentions are, is he focusing on me as much as I've been focusing on him for the past 4 weeks? nothing tells me he hasn't but some sort of confirmation would be nice, if only to know if i'm not in the process of getting my feeling badly hurt.
It's been a month. Is it too soon to define what's going on with us? I’m scared to bring it up. what if...
so it's been a month. a whole month of seeing him, calling him, hanging out with him, going out with him, spending the night with him, doing nothing with him, doing a lot of things with him and thinking about him on a daily basis. that pretty much sums up the last 4 weeks for me. now don't get me wrong, the month I just had almost felt too good to be true, but it's left me with a couple of mixed feelings and i'm wondering if it's normal.
first of all, let me just say that Maxime is an awesome guy. getting to know him has been the best part of the last couple of weeks and I'm so happy I get to spend time with him. but at the same time, it's all I feel like we're doing, spending time with each other without knowing where we stand. Something i'd really want to find out but I’m scared shitless to even bring it up. Max once told me the last guy he was seeing (months ago) told him after 3 weeks that if he didn't want to "commit" that he didn't think he'd be able to see him again. and when I say commit, I mean, be more present, I guess the guy wanted him to be around more or whatever. so being the smart guy that I am, I made sure to avoid any kind of serious conversation about "us", playing the laid back kind of guy, waiting to see how things go. but as much as it was bugging me after 2 weeks, it's now driving me crazy after a month. I really do need some kind of heads-up but I'm afraid to bring it up. how is he gonna take it? 2 weeks ago I asked him he if liked spending time with me. I could see he felt uncomfortable, thinking where does that come from? and it's got me wondering, does he not think about us as an item.
and that's where I get confused. he's been giving me those hints for a while. those incredibly sweet hints that makes my heart skip a beat everytime. he seems to be thinking ahead. well either he's thinking ahead or playing with me. examples : he's moving out to a new apartment in July with 2 of his girl friends who I've already met. thing is they seem to be clueless he's gay (girls sometimes…) which is not a problem in itself but it got him talking one day saying that he's gonna have to tell them sooner or later otherwise they'll become suspicious when they see the same guy (me) coming over and over again and spending the night. and right there it said he still sees me in his life for the upcoming months. then on the subject of me coming out to my parents, when I told him it would take a while 'til I felt comfortable enough to bring a boy home for my parents to meet he said as a joke that he wasn't in a rush. and it made me smile cause if there's someone I'd consider bringing home, it'd be him. and I spare you the others since you probably get my point by now but it's all that subtext that's driving me crazy. I need to know what this really means, what we mean. I wanna know what his intentions are, is he focusing on me as much as I've been focusing on him for the past 4 weeks? nothing tells me he hasn't but some sort of confirmation would be nice, if only to know if i'm not in the process of getting my feeling badly hurt.
It's been a month. Is it too soon to define what's going on with us? I’m scared to bring it up. what if...