what i did for love
I'm actually not at all surprised that a great portion of the fandom either hates Merrill or doesn't get her at all. And I realize that to say these things sounds both really douchey and typical of me, but let me elaborate.
I'm not saying that everyone should like Merrill. I very much get that certain characters just don't appeal to certain people, and I can very much see why she rubs so many people the wrong way. She's a controversial character, a female one at that, and we all know the story when it comes to imperfect female characters. When it comes to a lot of fans, imperfections and glaring flaws in male characters make them deep and interesting. Slap those same flaws and personality quirks on a female character, and she's a slut or a bitch or just a flat out OMG TERRIBLE PERSON I WANTED TO PUNCH HER IN THE TEETH HOW COULD SHE LIE TO CLOUD?!?!?!?!?!?!! Even though it's painfully obvious where Merrill's obsession with that mirror was going to get her, I remain cynically certain that at least a fraction of the fandom would adore the character they claim to despise for it's quirky personality and self-imposed tragedy if she were male. Look at how many people still love Anders, after all. But completely off-tangent rant about the toleration of imperfect female characters aside, I understand why she just doesn't appeal to most people.
I hear a lot of hatred about how she's the reason the Keeper/her entire clan died. Yes, that's very true. If Merrill hadn't relentlessly pursued the restoration of that mirror, none of that would've happened. Personally, I find it very tragic, but not in an "Oh, poor Merrill! She lost so many people because she fucked up! Poor thing." kind of way. I think it's just sad period. She wanted so badly to learn of what the Dalish had lost because she truly thought it could help her people to grow and thrive and take back some of what would otherwise remain a complete mystery to them, and that desire made her blind as it tends to do. She didn't see the signs along the way that all clearly pointed to a tragic ending for her and her clan. Of course she didn't. She put her own blinders on herself, and even after the Keeper died it would seem like she was in denial about the entire thing. Which led to a tragedy that I think most gamers who played that scenario saw coming a mile away, and that really makes it all the more sad to me. What can I say? Yes, the whole mess really is her fault in the end, but I still find her interesting, easy to relate to (who among us can't admit that there were times that we wanted something so badly we willfully ignored signs hitting us in the face telling us that it was a bad fucking idea?), and not so entirely wrong as one might think. Someone brought up a fantastic point in a discussion post once. Merrill was probably mostly in the wrong with how zealously she went after that mirror, but her reasons were not entirely as flawed. She wanted to help her people reclaim their heritage, good and bad. She wanted to learn everything from the magic that created a flourishing kingdom to the mistakes that caused many in said kingdom to fall to ruin. She wasn't entirely certain what happened to Tamlen; she says they never found him, and she wanted to know why. What was the power that did that to him. Was this the sort of thing the elves of old had access to? While there is grave danger recovering less than pleasant secrets, there's also a greater chance that someone in the current generation will make those same mistakes at some point. We can't learn from the past if we don't know anything about what happened there, after all. The irony is that Merrill's quest to recover that knowledge and strengthen the Dalish kind of ended up making her that person. And that is exactly what catapulted me from just liking Merrill to loving her character. She's interesting. Really, really interesting.
Besides, let's look at the rest of the party. Isabela ditches you if you ask her to help stop something that she had a very real hand in causing. Self-preservation is understandable, but she pretty much the reason the Arishok and his Qunari stayed in Kirkwall so long, thus causing the inevitable riot. Maybe not on the same level as say becoming BFFs with a demon and trying to restore an ancient artifact that could have been a hand in the disappearance of a friend. Anders does, you know, what Anders does. Willingly destroying tons of people and one of the kinder, wiser, more patient leading powers in Kirkwall to make a point. I love you, Anders. But fuck you all the same. Varric is just too awesome for words 24/7, so he's an exception. Aveline is a strong, no-nonsense women who has a schoolgirl crush on a boy and can't tell him. (Okay, I was kind of searching for Aveline. Her flaws aren't nearly as world-shaking as some other characters' tend to be.) Fenris is flat out nasty if you look like you said hello to a mage some time within the last 24 hours. I get the boy had an awful past with magic, but he crosses some boundaries at times where the dickitude can no longer be taken with a grain of salt.
Still, a lot of people will admit that there probably is some merit to Fenris' concerns about mages. He comes from a place where the people who police the mages can't even keep them close to in check, where demons and debauchery and blood magic make you one of the cool kids. And Anders isn't entirely wrong about some things either. The Chantry and most people will probably never just agree to let even good mages have any kind of freedoms or see their families or maintain a sliver of normal in their everyday lives, and even if the world's paranoia can be justified as Tevinter teaches us, there's something kind of wrong about being made a prisoner just because you were born with the threat of losing everything that makes you you if take too long during a test or say something wrong to a Templar who's had a bad day. Isabela might be selfish, but she's looking out for herself. She's always been a bit of a loner with no close or long-term friends that she can really trust. There isn't any black and white with these characters. Just a whole lot of grey area, and I believe that Merrill is in that same boat. Sure, we know that demons and blood magic and ancient mirrors with questionable powers are probably a bad idea, but we live in a world where we can observe the whole and make judgments with all the information present. I'm not sure Merrill knew exactly what happened to Tamlen, and she truly believed that her exploits would one day benefit her clan, even if it meant they would shun her. It's hard to put ourselves in the shoes of someone like that as we're on the outside looking into a world that we have a lot of information about already. It's easy for us to judge without thinking about what the character sees, and Merrill's an easy target. Blood magic is bad, after all. Everyone sensible in past games has told us this!
That said, I can see why people have little patience for Merrill or just can't bring themselves to like a character that potentially be the source of so much ruin for the people she loves the most. It just makes me love the character more, but then again I'm also a genuine Sephiroth fan who knows that he would never be turned from the dark side or whatever if Aerith or a self-insert character in some fanfic slept with him and still names him one of her favorite characters of all time. I also like Seifer, and that guy's just a total tool. And there are the complaints about her being too naive or stupid or whatever. I would point out that she isn't at all stupid and that she just has no idea what the hell to do in a modern city. Maybe lacking common sense, but not stupid. I personally find the lighter, funnier moments with her to be endearing and a lot of fun, but that's me. I like those kind of characters.
To the people who are pissed that Merrill could dare to want to repair the mirror after what it did to YOUR PC, yeah. I don't get you guys, but it's okay. I also don't get Taylor Swift, and that girl has a lot more money than I could ever dream of having. I bet she can get chicken on whatever she wants whenever she goes to Taco Bell. Even the side taco.
Fuck, it's been a while since I've liked a character this much. I wrote like half of one of my old Aerith essays. Ooooh, I hope someone sees this and tells me that I must not be a real Anders or Fenris fan or something.
I'm not saying that everyone should like Merrill. I very much get that certain characters just don't appeal to certain people, and I can very much see why she rubs so many people the wrong way. She's a controversial character, a female one at that, and we all know the story when it comes to imperfect female characters. When it comes to a lot of fans, imperfections and glaring flaws in male characters make them deep and interesting. Slap those same flaws and personality quirks on a female character, and she's a slut or a bitch or just a flat out OMG TERRIBLE PERSON I WANTED TO PUNCH HER IN THE TEETH HOW COULD SHE LIE TO CLOUD?!?!?!?!?!?!! Even though it's painfully obvious where Merrill's obsession with that mirror was going to get her, I remain cynically certain that at least a fraction of the fandom would adore the character they claim to despise for it's quirky personality and self-imposed tragedy if she were male. Look at how many people still love Anders, after all. But completely off-tangent rant about the toleration of imperfect female characters aside, I understand why she just doesn't appeal to most people.
I hear a lot of hatred about how she's the reason the Keeper/her entire clan died. Yes, that's very true. If Merrill hadn't relentlessly pursued the restoration of that mirror, none of that would've happened. Personally, I find it very tragic, but not in an "Oh, poor Merrill! She lost so many people because she fucked up! Poor thing." kind of way. I think it's just sad period. She wanted so badly to learn of what the Dalish had lost because she truly thought it could help her people to grow and thrive and take back some of what would otherwise remain a complete mystery to them, and that desire made her blind as it tends to do. She didn't see the signs along the way that all clearly pointed to a tragic ending for her and her clan. Of course she didn't. She put her own blinders on herself, and even after the Keeper died it would seem like she was in denial about the entire thing. Which led to a tragedy that I think most gamers who played that scenario saw coming a mile away, and that really makes it all the more sad to me. What can I say? Yes, the whole mess really is her fault in the end, but I still find her interesting, easy to relate to (who among us can't admit that there were times that we wanted something so badly we willfully ignored signs hitting us in the face telling us that it was a bad fucking idea?), and not so entirely wrong as one might think. Someone brought up a fantastic point in a discussion post once. Merrill was probably mostly in the wrong with how zealously she went after that mirror, but her reasons were not entirely as flawed. She wanted to help her people reclaim their heritage, good and bad. She wanted to learn everything from the magic that created a flourishing kingdom to the mistakes that caused many in said kingdom to fall to ruin. She wasn't entirely certain what happened to Tamlen; she says they never found him, and she wanted to know why. What was the power that did that to him. Was this the sort of thing the elves of old had access to? While there is grave danger recovering less than pleasant secrets, there's also a greater chance that someone in the current generation will make those same mistakes at some point. We can't learn from the past if we don't know anything about what happened there, after all. The irony is that Merrill's quest to recover that knowledge and strengthen the Dalish kind of ended up making her that person. And that is exactly what catapulted me from just liking Merrill to loving her character. She's interesting. Really, really interesting.
Besides, let's look at the rest of the party. Isabela ditches you if you ask her to help stop something that she had a very real hand in causing. Self-preservation is understandable, but she pretty much the reason the Arishok and his Qunari stayed in Kirkwall so long, thus causing the inevitable riot. Maybe not on the same level as say becoming BFFs with a demon and trying to restore an ancient artifact that could have been a hand in the disappearance of a friend. Anders does, you know, what Anders does. Willingly destroying tons of people and one of the kinder, wiser, more patient leading powers in Kirkwall to make a point. I love you, Anders. But fuck you all the same. Varric is just too awesome for words 24/7, so he's an exception. Aveline is a strong, no-nonsense women who has a schoolgirl crush on a boy and can't tell him. (Okay, I was kind of searching for Aveline. Her flaws aren't nearly as world-shaking as some other characters' tend to be.) Fenris is flat out nasty if you look like you said hello to a mage some time within the last 24 hours. I get the boy had an awful past with magic, but he crosses some boundaries at times where the dickitude can no longer be taken with a grain of salt.
Still, a lot of people will admit that there probably is some merit to Fenris' concerns about mages. He comes from a place where the people who police the mages can't even keep them close to in check, where demons and debauchery and blood magic make you one of the cool kids. And Anders isn't entirely wrong about some things either. The Chantry and most people will probably never just agree to let even good mages have any kind of freedoms or see their families or maintain a sliver of normal in their everyday lives, and even if the world's paranoia can be justified as Tevinter teaches us, there's something kind of wrong about being made a prisoner just because you were born with the threat of losing everything that makes you you if take too long during a test or say something wrong to a Templar who's had a bad day. Isabela might be selfish, but she's looking out for herself. She's always been a bit of a loner with no close or long-term friends that she can really trust. There isn't any black and white with these characters. Just a whole lot of grey area, and I believe that Merrill is in that same boat. Sure, we know that demons and blood magic and ancient mirrors with questionable powers are probably a bad idea, but we live in a world where we can observe the whole and make judgments with all the information present. I'm not sure Merrill knew exactly what happened to Tamlen, and she truly believed that her exploits would one day benefit her clan, even if it meant they would shun her. It's hard to put ourselves in the shoes of someone like that as we're on the outside looking into a world that we have a lot of information about already. It's easy for us to judge without thinking about what the character sees, and Merrill's an easy target. Blood magic is bad, after all. Everyone sensible in past games has told us this!
That said, I can see why people have little patience for Merrill or just can't bring themselves to like a character that potentially be the source of so much ruin for the people she loves the most. It just makes me love the character more, but then again I'm also a genuine Sephiroth fan who knows that he would never be turned from the dark side or whatever if Aerith or a self-insert character in some fanfic slept with him and still names him one of her favorite characters of all time. I also like Seifer, and that guy's just a total tool. And there are the complaints about her being too naive or stupid or whatever. I would point out that she isn't at all stupid and that she just has no idea what the hell to do in a modern city. Maybe lacking common sense, but not stupid. I personally find the lighter, funnier moments with her to be endearing and a lot of fun, but that's me. I like those kind of characters.
To the people who are pissed that Merrill could dare to want to repair the mirror after what it did to YOUR PC, yeah. I don't get you guys, but it's okay. I also don't get Taylor Swift, and that girl has a lot more money than I could ever dream of having. I bet she can get chicken on whatever she wants whenever she goes to Taco Bell. Even the side taco.
Fuck, it's been a while since I've liked a character this much. I wrote like half of one of my old Aerith essays. Ooooh, I hope someone sees this and tells me that I must not be a real Anders or Fenris fan or something.