Possibilities of why I have this deep dark secret fetish.
I have a curiosity about age play. And I kind of hate that I do have it. I mean, it's not inherently bad. Other people it's fine. However, I recognize that...that my need may stem from something deeper about my emotional attachments with my parents and being sexualized as a child by a manipulative teen. I want to explore it in a nonsexual way, and perhaps a sexual way, but it not be in the context of manipulation. Brian, my abuser, would say "This is what a girlfriend and boyfriend does". And, I thought it was special, but I also was confused that this is the only way I could achieve attention from anyone. For many times I thought I was a sex addict, but realized that's quite untrue when I actually went to a meeting. It's weird...
*sighs*
*sighs*