(no subject)
I still don't know... I'm listening to "Round here" by the counting crows... I used to have that cd and would listen to it all the time. It certainly does get me depressed, as if I need any more help with that. Why is it like this? Life. Why can't anything be easy or good or I don't know. I mean why is it so hard? I find myself thinking about doing things to try to escape it all. Drugs. Alcohol. Who knows. I don't know. This year has really taken a big toll on me. In addition, I feel like there are very few people I act normal around. I feel like I'm not myself so much of the time. So many expectations, so many things that need to get done. All I do is watch TV. It's sort of an escape, I get to see the drama and sequence of people's lives who don't exist, get sucked in, and not have to think about my own life. I don't know. I need this year to end. I need something. I just want to stop existing for a while. Unfortunately that doesn't actually happen. Fantasy... not reality. I don't know. I suppose I'll just keep listening to depressive music, go to my classes, get through each day, get through each night and then on to the next. The thing is life isn't supposed to be like that, it's just not.