Hello, 10.
I wonder if indifference is worse than feeling anything at all. I wonder if that 10 year old child had known that by leaving out events in the past, it would lead to problems snowballing in the present- if she had left a clue in her writings, would her 22 year old self be able to reconcile with the past and move on? I wonder if she cried or kicked up a fuss at all, or instead let everything slide because she had accepted life for what it is, because I can't remember. I just know she sure didn't leave anything for me to pick up on. But I guess she was just protecting herself then. No perfect truths, no traces of it in writing, just a slice in time and a foggy memory that accompanies it, blurring what's real and self-induced. All I'm left with is a lot of questions, no way of reconciliation, but just to pick myself up from there.
Christian Boltanski once said that the first thing that dies in all of us is a child. I don't exactly know when mine passed, and I wish I could say it happened naturally like everyone else, and in some ways I'm sure it did, but in most ways, not. This is in no way of self glorifying my issues, but just a way for myself to process my thoughts because writing about stuff has always soothed me.
Christian Boltanski once said that the first thing that dies in all of us is a child. I don't exactly know when mine passed, and I wish I could say it happened naturally like everyone else, and in some ways I'm sure it did, but in most ways, not. This is in no way of self glorifying my issues, but just a way for myself to process my thoughts because writing about stuff has always soothed me.