Being alone does not mean I'm lonely
Everyone has a close girlfriend that they'll talk to regarding their day to day activities, or someone who's somewhat an activity partner whenever they want to head out. Most days I prefer my own company. And on others, I've got Presley. I think it goes without saying that the loss of Zak still hangs heavy on us - it doesn't feel the same anymore. But we're a lot closer than before, and I'm thankful for that. I honestly don't know what I'll do if I lost another bro. This bro in particular. Okay before the above meaning is misconstrued, I'm thankful for Eugene too. Not in a bro way, but that one's a whole different spectre altogether.
Just last night I was talking to the River Boys, about why I'm not close to girls in general. Some part of me feels it's cos I'm defensive about most things in my life. I don't like having to account to someone, why I'm not home early, why I'm not more hardworking, why am I not meeting them more, shopping / watching a certain movie with them... I don't. At the expense of sounding really selfish, I like me time a bit too much for it. And I make as much time as I can for family. I barely have enough time for them, what more for everyone else? That more or less shows in how I maintain my friendships, and I'm grateful for everyone who's still stood by me, despite everything. That doesn't mean I don't treasure them or love them any less. The ones I love, I fiercely guard and cherish. I just don't place as much importance into maintaining an acquaintanceship with people I barely like, or barely had a connection with. There's just too much work in maintaining a social calendar.
I guess what Pres mentioned earlier hit some chords with me, like he wanted a change in his life. Made me reflect a little bit on mine, hmm. Gotta get back to the 2,000 word essay due in 20 hours or so. Getting my life back on track's a lot more exhausting that I'd anticipated.