Thoughts on Ruki's Kinky Adventures (the fic).
I haven't received comments on my monster fic of kink and DOOM (Ruki's Kinky Adventures), a tale of a man's exploration of kinks and bdsm on his way to find love, for quite some time. Yesterday morning I got a notification of one. It was long, well articulated, giving praise and telling me what they loved about 38 of the chapters... and of course, everything they hated about the last, 39th, one. How it doesn't fit in with the rest of the story, how it's all wrong that he gets invited as a third person into a relationship.
I understand that a lot of people, while reading the story, gets emotionally invested in this pairing or that pairing. Especially since Ruki, quite honestly, fucks around a lot in the first half. And when one gets emotionally invested, one starts having expectations, expectations of where the story is heading. And then when it's revealed that the end contains something else, people get disappointed. And when one has enjoyed something and gets disappointed, one gets angry and feels let down, betrayed. I get it. I understand. I have felt similarly.
This triad was planned from around chapter 10, when I knew how it was going to end, and I did try my best to show how the three got closer and closer to each other, all three of them, in different constellations. However, it's hard to show what's going on outside a specific person's point of view when that is the one that's the focus of the story. Ruki's not an entirely reliable source of information, since I could only write about what he saw, heard, felt, experienced, and not what he didn't realize or saw or knew about before it's obvious to him.
A large number of people have actually given me different feedback from the above, feedback telling me that they think the ending is perfect and that they saw it coming, could read the hints I'd tried to build into the story. So that's nice.
It just seems like my audience for this particular story is very divided. *sigh* And there's no way I can fix it. One, because the story is finished and published online and I don't go back and make huge changes to plot in fics I've finished. I might fix a typo if I find it when rereading for some reason, but generally, I don't edit after the fact. It's out there. Two, this was the story I wanted to write, and this was how the story wanted to end. If I change that I will instead betray me, the story, and the people who enjoyed the ending. Sadly, this is a case of just having to make one half disappointed, or the other half. I can't satisfy everyone.
It does make me sad though. Sad and frustrated. I feel like I've failed. Failed the story, failed my readers. Maybe the story could have benefited from another chapter, before the last one, but I don't think it would have changed anything. I can't see how I could have put the necessary information or hints in it to make it clearer that this was where the story was headed. Not without breaking the point of view to let the others show their side and their emotions, or without being too on the nose and too awkwardly spelling it out in stilted dialogue. I get that it's a sudden change, a surprise reveal (if you didn't suspect it before hand), but it was a surprise to Ruki, it was sudden to him too, and that was the point. That he hadn't stopped and taken time to evaluate his own feelings and wants and needs entirely. That life kept happening, work kept being busy as hell, and sometimes it's more comfortable to just let things be the way they are and not look closer, until something happens that shocks you right out of it, something that pulls that blanket of habit and convenience away and you suddenly have to face what it is you're actually feeling.
I'm not a professional writer, I'm not published. I do this for fun, as a hobby. And I'm not a perfect writer. There are things that I don't know how to do, don't know how to convey. (Clearly, as so many people hate the end.) But I try hard to make my best, and I really wish that it would be enough. My life is shit, and this is my only escape... and it makes me sad that I'm not good enough of a writer to be able to convey my stories in a convincing manner, so that the reader isn't feeling like it's wrong or doesn't fit.
This is extra hard right now too, because I've been working on a sequel (or part of one) for several weeks now, and all I can do is to try to tell the story that wants to be told. I have a feeling now that it's going to be even more disappointment to people, everyone who didn't want this triad to happen. But that's what it is, and I guess all I can do is to put clear warnings in the header, and do my best. If it turns out crappy, then it's because I'm a crappy writer. Nothing I can do about it. This is the best I can do.
This entry was originally posted at https://ldybastet.dreamwidth.org/675673.html.
comments there. You can comment on either site.
I understand that a lot of people, while reading the story, gets emotionally invested in this pairing or that pairing. Especially since Ruki, quite honestly, fucks around a lot in the first half. And when one gets emotionally invested, one starts having expectations, expectations of where the story is heading. And then when it's revealed that the end contains something else, people get disappointed. And when one has enjoyed something and gets disappointed, one gets angry and feels let down, betrayed. I get it. I understand. I have felt similarly.
This triad was planned from around chapter 10, when I knew how it was going to end, and I did try my best to show how the three got closer and closer to each other, all three of them, in different constellations. However, it's hard to show what's going on outside a specific person's point of view when that is the one that's the focus of the story. Ruki's not an entirely reliable source of information, since I could only write about what he saw, heard, felt, experienced, and not what he didn't realize or saw or knew about before it's obvious to him.
A large number of people have actually given me different feedback from the above, feedback telling me that they think the ending is perfect and that they saw it coming, could read the hints I'd tried to build into the story. So that's nice.
It just seems like my audience for this particular story is very divided. *sigh* And there's no way I can fix it. One, because the story is finished and published online and I don't go back and make huge changes to plot in fics I've finished. I might fix a typo if I find it when rereading for some reason, but generally, I don't edit after the fact. It's out there. Two, this was the story I wanted to write, and this was how the story wanted to end. If I change that I will instead betray me, the story, and the people who enjoyed the ending. Sadly, this is a case of just having to make one half disappointed, or the other half. I can't satisfy everyone.
It does make me sad though. Sad and frustrated. I feel like I've failed. Failed the story, failed my readers. Maybe the story could have benefited from another chapter, before the last one, but I don't think it would have changed anything. I can't see how I could have put the necessary information or hints in it to make it clearer that this was where the story was headed. Not without breaking the point of view to let the others show their side and their emotions, or without being too on the nose and too awkwardly spelling it out in stilted dialogue. I get that it's a sudden change, a surprise reveal (if you didn't suspect it before hand), but it was a surprise to Ruki, it was sudden to him too, and that was the point. That he hadn't stopped and taken time to evaluate his own feelings and wants and needs entirely. That life kept happening, work kept being busy as hell, and sometimes it's more comfortable to just let things be the way they are and not look closer, until something happens that shocks you right out of it, something that pulls that blanket of habit and convenience away and you suddenly have to face what it is you're actually feeling.
I'm not a professional writer, I'm not published. I do this for fun, as a hobby. And I'm not a perfect writer. There are things that I don't know how to do, don't know how to convey. (Clearly, as so many people hate the end.) But I try hard to make my best, and I really wish that it would be enough. My life is shit, and this is my only escape... and it makes me sad that I'm not good enough of a writer to be able to convey my stories in a convincing manner, so that the reader isn't feeling like it's wrong or doesn't fit.
This is extra hard right now too, because I've been working on a sequel (or part of one) for several weeks now, and all I can do is to try to tell the story that wants to be told. I have a feeling now that it's going to be even more disappointment to people, everyone who didn't want this triad to happen. But that's what it is, and I guess all I can do is to put clear warnings in the header, and do my best. If it turns out crappy, then it's because I'm a crappy writer. Nothing I can do about it. This is the best I can do.
This entry was originally posted at https://ldybastet.dreamwidth.org/675673.html.
comments there. You can comment on either site.