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I've been teaching Institute in my Ward, and while preparing for this week's lesson I came across the following article in the LDS.org archives. It's not directly tied to the lesson I'm going to teach, but it contained a citation from Scripture I was looking for; I tried to scan the article and found myself impressed by the content.
It's by Elder H. Burke Peterson of the First Quorum of the Seventy, from the June 1990 issue of Liahona, and the title is "Unrighteous Dominion in Marriage." The article is initially directed at fathers and husbands, but it also makes the point that ANYONE in a position of authority over others can exert unrighteous dominion -- including wives/mothers, Priesthood & Relief Society leaders, Home & Visiting Teachers, etc.
Reading through this article was both sobering and inspiring as it calls for some serious introspection. I figured I'd repost two of my favorite sections:
The Man of Power is one who presides-
By persuasion. He uses no demeaning words or behavior, does not manipulate others, appeals to the best in everyone, and respects the dignity and agency of all humankind-men, women, boys, and girls.
By long-suffering. He waits when necessary and listens to the humblest or youngest person. He is tolerant of the ideas of others and avoids quick judgments and anger.
By gentleness. He uses a smile more often than a frown. He is not gruff or loud or frightening; he does not discipline in anger.
By meekness. He is not puffed up, does not dominate conversations, and is willing to conform his will to the will of God.
By love unfeigned. He does not pretend. He is sincere, giving honest love without reservation even when others are unlovable.
By kindness. He practices courtesy and thoughtfulness in little things as well as in the more obvious things.
By pure knowledge. He avoids half-truths and seeks to be empathetic.
Without hypocrisy. He practices the principles he teaches. He knows he is not always right and is willing to admit his mistakes and say “I’m sorry.”
Without guile. He is not sly or crafty in his dealings with others, but is honest and authentic when describing his feelings...
Each husband, each father, should ask some questions of himself to see if he may be on the borderline of unrighteous dominion:
1. Do I criticize family members more than I compliment them?
2. Do I insist that family members obey me because I am the father or husband and hold the priesthood?
3. Do I seek happiness more at work or somewhere other than in my home?
4. Do my children seem reluctant to talk to me about some of their feelings and concerns?
5. Do I attempt to guarantee my place of authority by physical discipline or punishment?
6. Do I find myself setting and enforcing numerous rules to control family members?
7. Do family members appear to be fearful of me?
8. Do I feel threatened by the notion of sharing with other family members the power and responsibility for decision-making in the family?
9. Is my wife highly dependent on me and unable to make decisions for herself?
10. Does my wife complain that she has insufficient funds to manage the household because I control all the money?
11. Do I insist on being the main source of inspiration for each individual family member rather than teaching each child to listen to the
Spirit?
12. Do I often feel angry and critical toward family members?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we may need to evaluate our relationship with our family members.
For those interested in the full text: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=830c8254a4ddb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
The article itself is a wonderful and clear summation of everything the Lord has tried to tell us about leadership in God's kingdom throughout the centuries. I think we'd all benefit from internalizing these lessons. We'd be better Christians, better spouses, parents and friends.