Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?
'Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place,
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasin' pavements,
Even if it leads no where?'
I dislike how the partial confidence I had before is shot because I didn't make it into Annandale Singers. A lot. I always knew that I was never a great singer...oh, what should it matter. It shouldn't. But it does to me, and I don't know why. It's sort of how I feel about my looks right now. I'm not fishing for compliments, by the way. Somebody can tell me I look pretty or am a great singer all he or she wants, and I might respond 'Thanks' or something along those lines. I'm not going to react how I used to, which was in a self-loathing manner. But I'm not going to necessarily agree. I don't buy that I'm a 'great singer;' decent, perhaps even good musician since I try, but I don't believe the whole 'Oh, you have a beautiful voice!' The word 'beautiful' gets thrown around a lot. Use it when you mean it. And if you mean it, I won't believe it myself. I'm not talking about my looks anymore, that was just for the sake of another example (I could delve into that topic, but I won't. Not right now). It's not that I'll think you're lying to me, it's just that I'll disagree with your opinion. Even if I get a solo, ha, even multiple solos, who knows!, this year, I won't buy into it. I'll think I'm getting them because 1) I'm a senior 2) I can sing decently and 3) Ms. Dixon might feel sorry for me since I'll be one of the few seniors in Women's Ensemble. For a while up 'til recently I didn't mind when people complimented me on my singing. But now it reminds me that I'm not a great singer. Why should it matter?! Ah...okay going to see if I can talk to Caroline. I usually try to think about these things and sometimes can figure it out on my own, but the only reason I can think of is I care because I enjoy singing a lot.
4:06
dang it dang it dang it, i feel like no matter what anybody says, ms dixon herself could tell me that i'm good enough to be in annandale singers, i just wont believe it.
4:12 i loved singing before and now...agh. its like i cant even enjoy it properly now. the one thing that i always was so into.
4:14. it seems like i'm not even fated to sing. not enough money, or too much drama over it at least, for better voice lessons, not able to practice full out ever at my house, not even knowing how to breath properly and other music things, not doing it as a major or career, other things i can't remember right now. but i should try to get past that stuff and anything else. should i?
yeppp.
i need to save the convo her and I just had. i just do. some parts seem more important than others pertaining to what i was writing about, but i think keeping it will be a good reminder. so's it shall go in private entry.
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasin' pavements,
Even if it leads no where?'
I dislike how the partial confidence I had before is shot because I didn't make it into Annandale Singers. A lot. I always knew that I was never a great singer...oh, what should it matter. It shouldn't. But it does to me, and I don't know why. It's sort of how I feel about my looks right now. I'm not fishing for compliments, by the way. Somebody can tell me I look pretty or am a great singer all he or she wants, and I might respond 'Thanks' or something along those lines. I'm not going to react how I used to, which was in a self-loathing manner. But I'm not going to necessarily agree. I don't buy that I'm a 'great singer;' decent, perhaps even good musician since I try, but I don't believe the whole 'Oh, you have a beautiful voice!' The word 'beautiful' gets thrown around a lot. Use it when you mean it. And if you mean it, I won't believe it myself. I'm not talking about my looks anymore, that was just for the sake of another example (I could delve into that topic, but I won't. Not right now). It's not that I'll think you're lying to me, it's just that I'll disagree with your opinion. Even if I get a solo, ha, even multiple solos, who knows!, this year, I won't buy into it. I'll think I'm getting them because 1) I'm a senior 2) I can sing decently and 3) Ms. Dixon might feel sorry for me since I'll be one of the few seniors in Women's Ensemble. For a while up 'til recently I didn't mind when people complimented me on my singing. But now it reminds me that I'm not a great singer. Why should it matter?! Ah...okay going to see if I can talk to Caroline. I usually try to think about these things and sometimes can figure it out on my own, but the only reason I can think of is I care because I enjoy singing a lot.
4:06
dang it dang it dang it, i feel like no matter what anybody says, ms dixon herself could tell me that i'm good enough to be in annandale singers, i just wont believe it.
4:12 i loved singing before and now...agh. its like i cant even enjoy it properly now. the one thing that i always was so into.
4:14. it seems like i'm not even fated to sing. not enough money, or too much drama over it at least, for better voice lessons, not able to practice full out ever at my house, not even knowing how to breath properly and other music things, not doing it as a major or career, other things i can't remember right now. but i should try to get past that stuff and anything else. should i?
yeppp.
i need to save the convo her and I just had. i just do. some parts seem more important than others pertaining to what i was writing about, but i think keeping it will be a good reminder. so's it shall go in private entry.