pre-anger chatter
I'm just going to over-post tonight. Here, have a thing I wrote BEFORE I was pissed off! That is to say, when I was in a good mood where I was exploring thoughts and ideas related to the stuff I just said I was pissed off about. You know. Before I got into an argument over whether or not I'm in a hurry to get married and will run off and marry irresponsibly. So here, have lots of optimistic thoughts on love and marriage and look at me thinking about how I'm going to raise children!
Also, have this huge theological ramble shoved into the middle of it all.
First, a few words on love and my future:
Love is a connection of souls; this makes me feel very sad for people who don’t believe we have souls.
My father says love is a decision, and that when you marry someone, you must remind yourself every day that this is the person you chose, and the only way you can stop loving someone is if you decide not to love that person any more.
I’ve been looking at houses. Every house I see, I think to myself, “Is this going to be practical for me someday? Is this what I want? Is this how I will run my household?” Every problem I run into with a child, or even every time I see a child in a movie or commercial, I do the same sort of thing; “Is this how my child will be? How will I raise my child to understand other people’s feelings? How will I deal with whining, bed-wetting, runny noses…?”
Now, a theological ramble:
At the end of Vacation Bible School today, Nathan lead everyone in prayer. He has Down’s syndrome, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he actually lead us in beautiful, meaningful prayer. I was truly touched and amazed. He talked about how we shouldn’t argue with each other, and how we should work side by side, how we should give praise to our Creator, how we should think about Him and know Him, and many other very relevant things. I’ve heard a lot of prayers in my time, and all too many of them have been cheesy and canned, even from people who do this kind of thing for a living. I really appreciated his comment on working together; a lot of Christians tend to exclude non-Christians, and even each other. So as we left, I stopped Nathan to thank him, and he asked me, “How did you feel about it in your heart, inside of you?” I told him I felt better, and that I felt happy, and that I was glad he had such a deep understanding, and so forth.
He smiled, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, “Good.”
I gave him a nice, long hug.
We should get along. We really should.
We talked about sins today, and about how Jesus never sinned. I thought again about how gentle a person He was (and is), but how He also got very angry whenever He saw that God was being disrespected in some manner. If I’m trying to model my life after Christ’s, I ought to do the same thing. I shouldn’t feel bad about being hurt or angry when I see God being misrepresented or disrespected. Anger is a perfectly acceptable emotion. I’m not saying that when someone says he believes Christianity is wrong I should punch him in the nose. I also don’t get angry with other people’s views as long as they aren’t telling me I’m wrong, as long as they are sure to be respectful, because I really am very interested. I don’t think that Jesus was (is) angry when people didn’t (don’t) believe in Him. I think that, more than anything, it makes Him sad. Because I have welcomed Jesus into my life and my heart, I think that’s why my heart hurts for people who don’t see Him.
Please note that this isn’t a “Oh, you poor darlings, I’m sorry you can’t see the light, more’s the pity” kind of a deal. It’s more of a “This love is so intense and the joy that comes with it is so electrifying that your apathy distresses me” kind of a thing.
Have you ever loved someone? When you love someone, you really do want to get down on your hands and knees and say, “I love you so much! I would do anything for you! Please, please love me back!” And maybe sometimes you do. But if you love someone, you know better than to force him (or her) to love you. The respect that you have for the person (which you will have if your love is true) doesn’t allow for that. You wait for him (or her) to love you back, and if he (she) doesn’t, it hurts, but you can’t stop waiting or loving.
Of course, you’re human, so you may stop waiting after a time. The thing about God (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost), though, is that He’s got all eternity to wait for you to choose Him. Yes, no matter how many times you reject Him, it hurts, and He misses you. But His love is so extreme that He will wait. He’s strong enough to.
Finally, a series of unrelated thoughts:
I hurt my ankle this week at VBS. I was running around outside with the kids, and I came down on it wrong. I was uber-pissed, because I wanted to play the blob game, where one kid is "It" and tags people, and he just collects kids in this giant amoeba until everyone has been caught. It’s AWESOME. But I didn’t get to play, because I freakin’ sprained my ankle. So that was sad. And oh yeah, it got sort of swollen and red and things, but it’s gone down significantly.
It’s weird to think that some families just don’t care who their members date. They just let everyone do what they want. It’s such a strange concept. Why wouldn’t you be interested? Every once in a while, it occurs to me how much easier that would make life, but I suppose it would also be very, very boring.
I will buy myself a fresh Maltese puppy once I publish my first book. I will love him and cuddle him and show him off to everyone and he will sleep on my stomach. That much of my life is certain, anyway. Unless I happen to die. Whatever.
Also, have this huge theological ramble shoved into the middle of it all.
First, a few words on love and my future:
Love is a connection of souls; this makes me feel very sad for people who don’t believe we have souls.
My father says love is a decision, and that when you marry someone, you must remind yourself every day that this is the person you chose, and the only way you can stop loving someone is if you decide not to love that person any more.
I’ve been looking at houses. Every house I see, I think to myself, “Is this going to be practical for me someday? Is this what I want? Is this how I will run my household?” Every problem I run into with a child, or even every time I see a child in a movie or commercial, I do the same sort of thing; “Is this how my child will be? How will I raise my child to understand other people’s feelings? How will I deal with whining, bed-wetting, runny noses…?”
Now, a theological ramble:
At the end of Vacation Bible School today, Nathan lead everyone in prayer. He has Down’s syndrome, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he actually lead us in beautiful, meaningful prayer. I was truly touched and amazed. He talked about how we shouldn’t argue with each other, and how we should work side by side, how we should give praise to our Creator, how we should think about Him and know Him, and many other very relevant things. I’ve heard a lot of prayers in my time, and all too many of them have been cheesy and canned, even from people who do this kind of thing for a living. I really appreciated his comment on working together; a lot of Christians tend to exclude non-Christians, and even each other. So as we left, I stopped Nathan to thank him, and he asked me, “How did you feel about it in your heart, inside of you?” I told him I felt better, and that I felt happy, and that I was glad he had such a deep understanding, and so forth.
He smiled, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, “Good.”
I gave him a nice, long hug.
We should get along. We really should.
We talked about sins today, and about how Jesus never sinned. I thought again about how gentle a person He was (and is), but how He also got very angry whenever He saw that God was being disrespected in some manner. If I’m trying to model my life after Christ’s, I ought to do the same thing. I shouldn’t feel bad about being hurt or angry when I see God being misrepresented or disrespected. Anger is a perfectly acceptable emotion. I’m not saying that when someone says he believes Christianity is wrong I should punch him in the nose. I also don’t get angry with other people’s views as long as they aren’t telling me I’m wrong, as long as they are sure to be respectful, because I really am very interested. I don’t think that Jesus was (is) angry when people didn’t (don’t) believe in Him. I think that, more than anything, it makes Him sad. Because I have welcomed Jesus into my life and my heart, I think that’s why my heart hurts for people who don’t see Him.
Please note that this isn’t a “Oh, you poor darlings, I’m sorry you can’t see the light, more’s the pity” kind of a deal. It’s more of a “This love is so intense and the joy that comes with it is so electrifying that your apathy distresses me” kind of a thing.
Have you ever loved someone? When you love someone, you really do want to get down on your hands and knees and say, “I love you so much! I would do anything for you! Please, please love me back!” And maybe sometimes you do. But if you love someone, you know better than to force him (or her) to love you. The respect that you have for the person (which you will have if your love is true) doesn’t allow for that. You wait for him (or her) to love you back, and if he (she) doesn’t, it hurts, but you can’t stop waiting or loving.
Of course, you’re human, so you may stop waiting after a time. The thing about God (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost), though, is that He’s got all eternity to wait for you to choose Him. Yes, no matter how many times you reject Him, it hurts, and He misses you. But His love is so extreme that He will wait. He’s strong enough to.
Finally, a series of unrelated thoughts:
I hurt my ankle this week at VBS. I was running around outside with the kids, and I came down on it wrong. I was uber-pissed, because I wanted to play the blob game, where one kid is "It" and tags people, and he just collects kids in this giant amoeba until everyone has been caught. It’s AWESOME. But I didn’t get to play, because I freakin’ sprained my ankle. So that was sad. And oh yeah, it got sort of swollen and red and things, but it’s gone down significantly.
It’s weird to think that some families just don’t care who their members date. They just let everyone do what they want. It’s such a strange concept. Why wouldn’t you be interested? Every once in a while, it occurs to me how much easier that would make life, but I suppose it would also be very, very boring.
I will buy myself a fresh Maltese puppy once I publish my first book. I will love him and cuddle him and show him off to everyone and he will sleep on my stomach. That much of my life is certain, anyway. Unless I happen to die. Whatever.